Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9825

raver personal ads

The following are actual ads placed in the Personal section of the Ministry of Sound magazine (UK Clubbing/Lifestyle Magazine):

ARE YOU AGED 18-30, female, slim build, into hardcore techno, a recent graduate and into politics? Then Fuck off! I want a shit-thick 16 year old bird with no opinions and massive tits! Reply to box. xxxx


WERE YOU THE GIRL with braids, blue T-shirt, platform trainers, dancing to left of the stage during JFK's set at Passion last Friday? I was the guy curled up under the speaker stack. I meant to talk to you but I was hallucinating and I thought you had a wolf's head and flippers. But I'm ok now. Reply to xxxx


ATTENTION ALL MAD club heads in the Toxteth area going to Cream this weekend. Me and my mates are going to nick all your valuables while you're out because we're thieving scally bastards.


IF YOU ARE a group of around four house fans in the Acton High Street area of West London and you're particularly into old school Chicago sounds, please turn your stereo down because some of us are fucking trying to get some sleep.


ARE YOU THE TALL BLACK-HAIRED GUY in the black and silver Versace shirt who I shagged in the Ministry toilets about three months ago without any form of birth control. Please write to me. I'd...ummmm...love to hear from you. Just to see how you are and stuff. Don't worry, there's nothing to worry about. Really. It's just that I'm going to have a...ummm...a PARTY! Yes, that's it. A party. Reply xxxx


WANTED: COCAINE. Lots of it. Reply to xxxx

WERE YOU THE man standing three feet away from me at the bar in Fabric, smiling weakly and smelling rather too strongly of Issey Miyake? Because if you look at my tits one more time, I am going to glass you.


WERE YOU THE GIRL i snogged in Es Paradis last Friday, I was gay. . Your trousers wouldnt stay up and you were pissed for 14 hours. If so call me I have your diginity. xxxx




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forever in a trance

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: :noitacoL
Posts: 2327

Jesus Christ that is some hilarious shit.

Got any more?

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9825

quote:

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Originally posted by SkapeGoat:


Got any more?

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: :noitacoL
Posts: 2327

You should send those ads to the Tonight Show with Jay Leno... my god.

The one about the coke and the one about the chick with a wolf's head are classic.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Bangor, ME
Posts: 10173

hahahahahahhh!!!!!!!!

i dug it

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"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
-Ernest Hemingway

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 15130

I agree with skapegoat.. the Wolf's head one and the cocaine one had me laughing.

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This state of emergency is where I want to be. -- Björk
Graphic Cheeseworks

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Erehwon
Posts: 7538

quote:

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Originally posted by urbanjunkie:
ATTENTION ALL MAD club heads in the Toxteth area going to Cream this weekend. Me and my mates are going to nick all your valuables while you're out because we're thieving scally bastards.

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Registered: Dec 2000
Location: where the buses don't run
Posts: 1002

quote:

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ARE YOU THE TALL BLACK-HAIRED GUY in the black and silver Versace shirt who I shagged in the Ministry toilets about three months ago without any form of birth control. Please write to me. I'd...ummmm...love to hear from you. Just to see how you are and stuff. Don't worry, there's nothing to worry about. Really. It's just that I'm going to have a...ummm...a PARTY! Yes, that's it. A party. Reply xxxx

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: atlanta
Posts: 6397

i like the first one

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The red x will remain until Im not too lazy to fix it.

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Registered: Jul 2001
Location:
Posts: 78

I dated a raver once. He had a drooling problem.

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Will you be my kitty?

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: library
Posts: 19584

Brain Damage?

-m


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Registered: Jul 2001
Location:
Posts: 78

Quite possibly.

He was caught stealing from wal-mart once. The only reason he was caught is because his pants fell down in the parking lot (damned raver pants!).

Oh, and he had a portable meth lab in the back of his truck.

And I dated him AFTER all this took place...

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Will you be my kitty?

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Registered: May 2001
Location:
Posts: 2701

*in a sarcastic voice* See, all a girl really wants is a nice steady guy.

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Fuck you I wont do what you tell me. -RATM

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 3102

quote:

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IF YOU ARE a group of around four house fans in the Acton High Street area of West London and you're particularly into old school Chicago sounds, please turn your stereo down because some of us are fucking trying to get some sleep.

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hehehe my dad's gf lives in acton. i bet that was her

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stinkycat - i love you



[This message has been edited by slappy (edited 07-29-2001).]

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