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CzEcH rEcK
circle of duck

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Manchester, UK.
Posts: 3610
Exclamation Horney prison bitches.

This is not a made up story, there is not a flake of urban myth here as it really fucking happened to me.

I've had few jobs in my time, you could call me a jack of all trades and one of them was working in the woman's prison Bullwood Hall near Southend. the prison holds some lifers and long-termers but no Jack-the-ripper types, so to speak.
I was working for a security contractor called Huffey construction who make all of the prison doors, frames, gates and window grills for all prisons in the U.K. They are fabricated in the yard and transported to the sites where me and my ill tempered Portuguese friend Val would fit them, Val, if there was any reason for mid-life euthanasia, he should be first on the list, with his 'Why you kickin my fuggin doggie...' & 'english piggies' and him constantly telling me what was wrong with my generation. But other than that, not a bad job at all and good money....
Working on a live wing I had a lot of contact with the inmates, and even had lunch with them in front of the telly which was a bit of a no-no, (We were told strait not talk to the lag's.) But they were pretty cool.
Now with us being burly worker types (/me sings lumberjack song) and it being summer and all, we worked with our tops off, and we were pulled up on that too, because we were making the natives horney and now we had some admirer's who were not subtle, but downright fucking crass, from flashing their tits to showing the old welcome mat.... Now I wouldn't complain at the worst of times, but these women were dangerous, some were junkie slashers, and others were lifers...
Now the one thing your guard doe's not do is leave you on a live wing on your own, (Not being funny, but my guard was about 65 and couldn't knock out a wet fart, but he had a walkie talkie with a panic switch, which would have 10 guards running to your aid within seconds.)
So there I am, making good on a steel door frame, drilling it into place and what not, when I hear foot steps behind me. Remember, I have a tool bag full of screwdrivers, and assaulted tools/perspective weapons in it, I hear a sweet voice saying "Hello there babe, what's your name then...?"
Looking around I see this woman
I recognized her instantly, and nervously shift my gaze to the tool bag, I'm thinking to myself, 'How could this petite, rather attractive woman hurt me?' but with the reports about the murder still fresh in my mind, I am still very uncomfortable.
never the less, we had a brief but pleasent conversation.
The next day I see Tracie with her arms around another inmate kissing, apparently lesbianism is fucking rife in here, but on to work, and today I have to co-ordinate with this sparkie (Electrician) about the old trunking and the fact I'd have to take all the doors off so the spark could run the cabling to the locking mechanisms.
So here we are discussing what to do when all of a sudden the wing is full of inmates, and the fucking guards had fucked off for a cup of tea, well, were trying to get on but these ultra horney women are starting to hamper out progress, you know grabbing our arses telling us to 'Get our fucking shirts off.' Me and the spark find all this attention cool, but the girls were getting a bit loud and there were still no guards.
So now one of these girls steps up and asks the spark if he'd like to come back to her cell, now I'm thinking this wing only holds about 10 or 12 prisoners, why there are about 25 in here.... the spark finds this funny as fuck, and tells her were not even supposed to chat to them, but she persists.. 'Come back to my cell with me, you and your friend.'
O.K. now I just got to get to work, we've been fucking about here too long. I go to gather the tools, and start work, and this woman asks where we think were going then she comes out with it, she tells us [ QUOTE ]"I own this wing, and if I want I can make sure the screws stay out long enough for us to go through the pair of ya.." And she said this grinning but still there was a bit too much tension here, the spark just found it a hoot and something to tell the lads down the pub, but there were some women here you would'nt fuck with a stolen dick, and they wanted some booty.
Well this story ends in a sort of anti-climax for you lot, we didn't get raped, so you can stop you imaginations in their tracks. The situation was diffused by the fact that the prison warden and 5 screws were wondering where the fuck we were, as the guards assigned to us were taking a break when they were not supposed to and were subsequently fired.
But there's more, the female type thing that propositioned us was in for sexual molestation of other women, more to the mark rape, and had a history of extreme violence and was basically a psychotic nymphomaniac and she had a shit load of backup.
You never know, I might have been one of those weird stories you read about on the onion.


Fin..

------------------
When I was younger I hated going to weddings...
It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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Old Post 06-04-2001 05:23 PM
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Spooky
twisty turny thing

Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 7236
Post

you lie. I bet you gave the road rage bird a piece of your meat did'nt you

------------------------
sp00ky
---------------------------

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Old Post 06-04-2001 05:32 PM
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CzEcH rEcK
circle of duck

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Manchester, UK.
Posts: 3610
Post

quote:
Originally posted by Spooky:
you lie. I bet you gave the road rage bird a piece of your meat did'nt you


Hey, fuck you buddy.
I shall attack you with my hammer drill, and weld your tooth fillings to your belt buckle..



------------------------
When I was younger I hated going to weddings...
It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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Old Post 06-04-2001 05:35 PM
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Spooky
twisty turny thing

Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 7236
Post

quote:
Originally posted by CzEcH rEcK:
Hey, fuck you buddy.
I shall attack you with my hammer drill, and weld your tooth fillings to your belt buckle..



FUCK YOU VERY MUCH BITCH

------------------------
sp00ky
---------------------------

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Old Post 06-04-2001 05:46 PM
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CzEcH rEcK
circle of duck

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Manchester, UK.
Posts: 3610
Post

quote:
Originally posted by Spooky:
FUCK YOU VERY MUCH BITCH


Shirt lifter, you lift shirts, and then you run away....



------------------------
When I was younger I hated going to weddings...
It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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Old Post 06-04-2001 05:52 PM
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Avondale
Lick my art-hole

Registered: Sep 2000
Location:
Posts: 8622
Post

One day when I die, I hope and pray that it's in a female prison cell, being the victim of a gang "rape" by plenty horny nymphomaniacs.

I can always dream right?
Fuck, gotta go.


------------------------

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Old Post 06-04-2001 08:43 PM
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Mordecai
X-Ray Cat

Registered: Jan 2001
Location: Denver
Posts: 23055
Post

Fag

-m


------------------------
Dust mites are your friends.

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Old Post 06-05-2001 05:25 AM
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Indol Awe
Fluffy Bunny

Registered: May 2001
Location: Nanaimo, BC, Canada
Posts: 99
Post

quote:



OMG! You nearly got raped by Courtenay Love! Whatta cougar.


------------------------
Parabol | Parabola

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Old Post 06-05-2001 06:26 AM
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Dacarlo
Impure thinker

Registered: Oct 2000
Location:
Posts: 15318
Thumbs up

Cool story man. I know of the firm you worked for because I was gonna work for/with them as a sparks. My father works for HMPS thats how I know

Tell the truth man, you fucked her rotten right?

------------------------

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Old Post 06-05-2001 06:37 AM
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wonderaz
Sarky Bastard

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona... No no Cornville!!
Posts: 21695
Post

When you are sitting in the rest home, you will cry everyday while reliving this story.
You have commited the ultimate man sin.
The male Nirvana is to be gang banged by women lifers and you let it slip right through your hands. Unbelievable.
You are now the Official Asylum Fag (Fudgepacker to you limeys).

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Old Post 06-05-2001 06:56 AM
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CzEcH rEcK
circle of duck

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Manchester, UK.
Posts: 3610
Post

quote:
Originally posted by wonderaz:
When you are sitting in the rest home, you will cry everyday while reliving this story.
You have commited the ultimate man sin.
The male Nirvana is to be gang banged by women lifers and you let it slip right through your hands. Unbelievable.
You are now the Official Asylum Fag (Fudgepacker to you limeys).



Dude, these women had a beauty contest and no cunt won...

Plus you had to be there, some of these women would have chewed my nuts off and made me use the mush as a face mask.

------------------------
When I was younger I hated going to weddings...
It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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Old Post 06-05-2001 09:10 AM
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Paint CHiPs
Smartest Man in the World

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Location Location
Posts: 26811
Thumbs up

Good story.

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Old Post 06-06-2001 02:41 AM
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wonderaz
Sarky Bastard

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona... No no Cornville!!
Posts: 21695
Post

quote:
Originally posted by CzEcH rEcK:
Dude, these women had a beauty contest and no cunt won...

Plus you had to be there, some of these women would have chewed my nuts off and made me use the mush as a face mask.





And your point is?

It is certainly an option to be drunk off your ass while living out this dream although going through it sober does lend clarity to the reliving the experience to your progeny.

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Old Post 06-06-2001 03:38 AM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 26419
Post

quote:
Originally posted by wonderaz:
. . . It is certainly an option to be drunk off your ass while living out this dream although going through it sober does lend clarity to the reliving the experience to your progeny.


Now that you've said it, WTF did you say?

Amen.

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Old Post 06-06-2001 04:00 PM
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Mordecai
X-Ray Cat

Registered: Jan 2001
Location: Denver
Posts: 23055
Post

This is worth re-reading

-m


------------------------

Obscurum per obscurius, ignotum per ignotius

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Old Post 08-19-2001 12:01 AM
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urbanjunkie
23

Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9918
Thumbs up

quote:
Originally posted by Mordecai:
This is worth re-reading

-m






thanks for topping this thread. i missed it the first time round.



------------------------
forever in a trance

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Old Post 08-19-2001 12:32 AM
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tack
jackaroo

Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 4925
Post

quote:
Originally posted by urbanjunkie:

thanks for topping this thread. i missed it the first time round.




ditto.

good story.

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Old Post 08-19-2001 11:42 AM
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ironroot
Pinkerton

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 528
Post

somehow, i remember reading this before. i think czech did post it..but i recall it. good story nonetheless.

------------------------


if it's too loud, turn it down.

[This message has been edited by ironroot (edited 08-19-2001).]

[This message has been edited by ironroot (edited 08-19-2001).]

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Old Post 08-19-2001 02:24 PM
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