Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 632

Flakes of Reality by Paint CHiPs - The Manilla Gorilla - 11/17/00

http://www.asylumwhores.com/cgi-bin/columns3.pl?num=6

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Delaware
Posts: 5730

Gee paint, now I'm reliving the good times had in my '73 Buick LeSabre. I named it the landyacht

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=^..^=

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Erehwon
Posts: 7549

quote:

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I had the biggest fucking gas guzzling travesty of efficiency man had ever created.

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Texas
Posts: 2593

This lil essay made me laugh so hard at work, I had to quit reading it before I got into trouble!
Reread it tonight and laughed all the way through.
It reminded me of my first car. A '66' Mustang. I paid $1000 hard-earned dollars for it and it was light manilla colored too, but I called it the 'Banana Banchee'.

Thanx for sharing, Paint. You have great writing abilities.



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Here????? Now??????

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: sydney
Posts: 2202

though i never had a car i named my most loved BMX bike "hyäne"(hyena) cause it sometimes made the same rusty sounds. one day , well oiled and everything, i took a killer jump , got too little air time and crashed badly into the other ramp breaking hynena right through in the middle , no doctor could help him
i never like a bike that much again ..

paint , thanks for sharing that a great story , even better knowing it is true

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|§¤*~`~*¤§§¤*~`~*¤§¤*~`~*¤§¤*~`~*¤ -=�=--=�=- §¤*~`~*¤§¤*~`~*¤§¤*~`~*¤§¤*~`~*¤§

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Bangor, ME
Posts: 10333

your a nut
completly mad

*fart*

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ManHo Inc.®©

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: the heart of an awl
Posts: 3692

One summer during my college years, I discovered that I qualified for unemployment benefits. Because the job I had the prior summer paid so well, my unemployment checks were higher than any paycheck my unqualified student ass could earn. So, I took the summer off, picked up a hobby. Greyhound handicapping. The first month I played the home game, didn't bet any money, just kept track of what I would've won. The second month I started winning a little money. Then my 1960 Studebaker pickup died. I sold it for half of what I paid for it. I hit two superfectas in the same week and took the money and bought a car. a $600 1970 Volvo 144.

No one ever named it. Everyone just called it "THE Volvo." They all said "THE" the same way you would say "THE rotting dead fish." It was baby poop gold and had seats that folded all the way down, even when you didn't want them to. In the winter the door latches froze so if you went around a corner, the doors on the outside would suddenly swing open. The heater stopped working in the winter and so did the windshield wipers. I used to carry my own squeegee to clear the windows, inside and out. I had to commute over a mountain pass to school every day. I soon learned to tailgate semis because they would kick up enough water from the road to clear the grime off the windows. Most of the time I just drove by jedi.

I fell asleep alot while driving that car. I suspect it may have had an exhaust leak. I wouldn't know, though, because the only mechanical work I ever did to it involved placing a Gnu Snowboards sticker on the back window. A large chimp head. I may have washed the car that one time, just so the sticker would stick.

I put a lot of miles on that car. For some reason it became the designated roadtrip car. Concerts, snowboard trips, or logging road rally racing. I remember (vaguely) getting it high-centered on the decorative boulder in the front yard. Slept in it a few times. Eventually I saved up for a better car. I sold the gold volvo to an old man for $500. I think it had 236,000 miles on it at that point. I was so impressed by it's sturdiness that I bought another volvo.

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Fuck God and Fuck America, but I totally agree with Jerry. I'll send you my resume as Band Manager...

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: The Bottom of the Toyem Pole
Posts: 9478

My first car was my grandma`s '67 Ford Galaxy 500. Faded sky blue, two door hardtop. It was about 25 feet long and when you rolled the windows down there was a single space about 8 feet long to hang out of.

It had a 490 v8 under the hood and ran like a charm (at first). Same type deal as the Gorilla: took off slow, but went fast easy. I got pulled over a lot too,but I actually got tickets for going too fast.

The car was wide enough for 4 men to sit abreast, comfortably. AM radio pumped Z-Rock through the single speaker. We would take it out and run down garbage cans to see how far the rubbermaid ones would bounce back into the yard.

I lost my virginity in that car. Didn't even have to get in the back seat; the front seat was that big.

I had to get rid of it though because it developed some engine trouble that I couldn't keep up with. I needed a reliable car to handle multiple annual trips from Minneapolis to Idaho, 3000 miles round trip in all sorts of weather. The Galaxy was great, but not that roadworthy.

There is nothing like beater car ala the Gorilla, WP's Volvo (wasn't that referred to as the Revolvo?), and the Galaxy. I look forward to giving my son his first car.

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The Boomer Bible: Find it, Read it, Learn it, Live it, Love it. I mean this!

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