Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona
Posts: 18823

RADICAL ACTS

You asked for it, Joeycat.

Many years ago while attending the U. of Maryland, I lived in a county which had a very large pond on county property. The pond was often fished for the carp that thrived there by blacks. My buddies and I would occasionally sein the pond for turtles, often assisted by a few of the black fishermen who we gave the occasional carp that was caught in our nets.

We had a county supervisor who lived not too far from it, who was a complete asshole and a racist to boot.

One day, his punk assed kids were at the pond swimming and generally irrating everyone there. They would steer their innertubes over by the fishermen just to disturb the fish and piss them off. Note- these were older men who would never think of just drowning the little fucks and getting on with their fishing as I had suggested to them (I was there that fateful day.) just saying that, "boys will be boys".

Well, one of these urchins managed to get tangled in a fishing line and wound up getting a treble hook snagged in his armpit.
Refusing help from the fishermen, he and his fellow spawn ran screaming home.

Within a half hour, here come the cops. The County super fucking charged the fisherman with assault! His kid claimed the "awful black man" had purposefully hooked him. He was fortunately not arrested because of the overwhelming number of witnesses (including myself) who spoke up and told the real story.

Two weeks latter, there was a chain link fence blocking entrance to the pond and a No Tresspassing/ No fishing sign posted.

I went to the next County meeting and listened to this curmudgeon explain that it was necessary to keep the riffraff that were accumulating around the area away and prevent the potential for crime.

He also mentioned that since the only fish in the pond were carp, there was no loss to the community since they had no purpose, certainly not edible by civilized men.

At that point, I realized that they did indeed have a purpose.

My buddies and I set about rounding up a number of large dead carp, easily found around a few other ponds we knew of. (We wanted dead ones so we wouldn't be accused of killing them unnecessarily as I was involved with the animal shelter at the time and for the ripeness factor). These fish were allowed to further ripen to a certain point then mailed to the offending asshole.
To his home, his work, his wife's work, his sister's home, his friends and fellow supervisors, etc.

It was great fun and created havoc for awhile until one day... yes, it had to happen, I was arrested along with one of my cohorts.

We maintained our innocence and charges were dropped due to lack of evidence. They had counted on us breaking down and confessing. ( a detective pretended to side with the cause and told me that if I admitted doing it, I would become a local hero and would probably not get more than a scolding from the judge, Yeeeeah, right.)

The next day I got a visit from a Postal Inspector who told me that he was not limited to the constraints of local law (and apparently, the constitution) and would make my life extraordinarily miserable if any more carp found their way into the postal system. I heeded his advice as our point had been made and he seemed very, very sincere.

Within a few month, the fucknozzle retired and moved away and within weeks, the fence was down and the fisherman returned.

This was one of the high points of my college days.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Delaware
Posts: 5704

Great story. It made me smile. Thanks Wonder.

------------------
Boo!

Sig courtsey of Dead_Inside

[This message has been edited by Joeycat (edited 08-01-2000).]

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: London
Posts: 3008

wonderaz, I liked that story so much, I'm going to tell it to my 4 year old kid at bed time, after shes watched A nightmare on elm street of course.
God bless you, and all the little Pixies who tell me to burn the local school down.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 16165

Radical acts? Ol' pal, sounds more like you were simply fulfilling your civic duty as a scholar, gentleman and wannabe convict. JEB and Fred are both proud of ya! Amen.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona
Posts: 18823

LOL, I don't know about that Jeb. It was probably a good thing I got busted. We were having so much fun that we were starting to plan on the escalation of our war against the Man. There were as many carp as there were targets. Living that close to D.C. meant that the White House was certainly within range of Che Carp and his band of revolutionarys. That may have been more of a saga than a story. Viva EL Carpo!!!!!!!

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Location Location
Posts: 26383

How did you manage to package the carp so the postman wouldn't smell it?

I know it's irrelevent, but say somebody wanted to send his ex-girlfriend a gift...

That would have been cool if the FBI would have started hunting you down for mailing dead fish to the president.

Is that a capital offense? hmmmmm.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona
Posts: 18823

Turn the fridge up if it is local, freeze if it's out of town. I wrapped the fish in those see-through turkey baking bags, they keep odors in like nothing else I've ever found (Great for mailing dope, but that's ANOTHER story). Don't let the fish get too rotten. Line the box with a plastic bag and pack the fish in crumpled paper after removing from turkey bag (Plastic bag is a must so the "juices" don't leak out at the post office). Used different return addresses, NEVER anyone that knows you. I sent to his family using his address for the return and vice versa.

I think it would have been a Carpital offense.

[This message has been edited by wonderaz (edited 08-01-2000).]

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