Registered: Feb 2001
Location: Boston
Posts: 7057

And suddenly it may end....

My gf brought up some not-so-great stuff today.

I'm 20, I was at a techie college for CS but I left, I'll be going somewhere else for next semester. I've done my college search, I narrowed it down to a handful of schools within 2 hours from my house (I didn't want to go too far from home). My gf is 18, just entered college, lives at home. She's been struggling with adjusting to college and doing schoolwork. She has a few ideas on what she'd like to look into but she's really frustrated right now.

Today she told me she plans on withdrawing from her classes tomorrow. She's brought up that she's partially hoping someone talks her out of withdrawing and helps her out. At the same time she thinks that taking time off from school, working full time, and then going back when she feels that she wants to go study something is probably the right thing to do. She's not too sure what to do, and I don't know if I should give her my input since I think she should stay in college and actually TRY.

The big problem is that if she does leave school there is one thing she really wants to do: leave Massachusetts and try living on her own in Chicago. It could last a month or two, she might live there the rest of her life. I know this isn't some whim, she's been talking about leaving Mass since we became reacquainted this summer and she's talked a lot about Chicago. She said she would be willing to work full time, save up, and head out there in early 2002.

For her sake, I'm afraid she's doing this because she thinks life in Chicago will be bliss away from all her problems here. It might be, but if she doesn't like her job and if she doesn't find any friends out there then her life will be as miserable as before.

I'm worried about this a lot because her and I are really really good friends and we have a great relationship so far. I don't know what to do right now.

Has anyone here ever left college at the beginning and gone back later on? Any thoughts on what I should do?

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Veerheenyah
Posts: 3300

well, massachussettes DOES suck. My family got out as soon as they could.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 3102

i went to music college for about 2 and a half years before i left earlier this year. i plan on going back to some sort of study, even though i might not get a degree just yet, as i had originally planned.

i can honestly say that if i had stayed at college, it would have screwed me up no end. it was beginning to. that's why i left. sometimes you have to follow your heart and see what happens, but don't use it as an excuse to run away from problems, cos they will only catch up with you.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 2566

I dont think massachusetts is that bad....

Jon tell her we all want to get away from this shitty little town.....No on wants to be in God Damn Spencer forever...but she should stick it out and stay in school... Its not worth the risk at all.... I think everyone can understand the need and the want to just get away from this small town bullshit that we grew up with.....

At least try to get her to stay the whole year in school... to REALLY think about how much of a change moving would be, how difficult..... nothing is an easy way out. She needs to know that.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona
Posts: 19186

Yeah, I know a lot of people that quit college with the intentions of going back after a "break".
Some of them are STILL planning on going back.... 15 years later. Meanwhile they have adjusted to their interim minimum wage jobs which seem to be turning into careers. Some are going to do it as soon as the economy turns better, others found out that they no longer qualify for grants and scholarships so they are "going to save up the money".

Yeah, great idea, tell her to head rigght out to Chicago.. They are surely looking for a bright young college dropout to give a high level job to. That way she an afford to live in the overpriced housing there.

If she doesn't hook up right away, there is always the Projects. Nice low income apartments filled with dreamers just like her. Just tell her to be careful as to which are the dreamers and which are the losers, they are very hard to tell apart.

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Registered: Feb 2001
Location: Oakland-ish
Posts: 6032

quote:

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Originally posted by wonderaz
Just tell her to be careful as to which are the dreamers and which are the losers, they are very hard to tell apart.

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 196

A lesson I'm learning as well.
Stay in school folks .

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: library
Posts: 19584

Stay in school, or end up like me.

-m

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 4501

I'll play devil's advocate for a second here...I've actually talked to some students of mine before about dropping out, as they had no direction or interest in school at the moment. I suggested they do whatever for a year or two, and then reapply. It didn't mean anything to them at the moment, because they were on a course they claimed was predestined by their parents. The option, then, is to find a way to make the course one's own. Whether that entails leaving school for a tiny bit, or merely sucking up the responsibility and working through the issue while still in school is a matter of personal choice. Out of these students, all but one decided to stay in school, and they selected majors they've stuck with and are succeeding in; the one who left enrolled in an out-of-state school after working for a little while in the local restaurants. Shitty pay sent her straight back to school. She was from this area, and simply felt too controlled by her family, as they were constantly around or calling.

Now that devil's advocate is over, this girl would be insane to move to Chicago with no connections, no education, and no trust fund. I agree with wonderaz's assessment.

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Registered: May 2001
Location:
Posts: 2701

quote:

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Originally posted by Mordecai
Stay in school, or end up like me.

-m

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 15133

Dropping out gives you a compulsive urge to show complete strangers your penis every chance you get??

__________________

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: the heart of an awl
Posts: 3692

if you don't know why you're in school, you don't belong there.

some people have a course plotted when they enter college, others do not. I was one of those without a plan. I have two semesters left to graduate. Four years later, it's not going to happen. I believe society at large has placed an overemphasis on the value of a college education. If your friend is on track for some kind of technical job, maybe should should stay in. If she's liberal arts, tell her to go for a taste of the real world.

and mordecai, how much of a pay cut would you take if you had a degree?

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Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Hilbert Space
Posts: 35718

To my mind, the main reason for dropping out of college would be if you're not bright enough; society does place too much emphasis on a degree, but that's (currently, at least) the way it is.

It is true that liberal arts may not be as much help; this is something of which kids should be more aware before they go to college. College is not necessarily a quest to immerse yourself in the knowledge you love; it might just be a way of getting a better job in the end.

I have met many people who went back to college in later life and it was a huge struggle; many don't ever make it. It is normally easier to do it young.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: zanzibar
Posts: 10477

Chicago is a cool town.

Its not heaven, but its got a lot going on. Tell her to finish up school and get a job out there and go check it out.

It'll still be there.

D

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