Registered: Jul 2000
Location: my mother's bloody womb
Posts: 7148

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush met up in Bagdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down he notices 3 buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about 5 minutes Saddam presses the 1st button. A boxing glove springs out of the box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.
Annoyed, bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the 2nd button is pressed. This time a big foot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again, Saddam laughs, and Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the 3rd button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush square in the privates, he's finally had enough.
"I'm headin' back home!" he calmly tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in 2 weeks!"
Two weeks pass and Saddam flies to the U.S. for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices 3 buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for George's retaliation.
They begin talking and Bush presses the 1st button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers.
A few seconds later he presses the 2nd button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter.
When the 3rd button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, but again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"
George W. says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"


HAHA!!

...

it's alot funnier if you switch "saddam" with "taliban" or "osama bin laden"...

...or maybe it's just me.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: my mother's bloody womb
Posts: 7148

Things to do when you're bored at WalMart (or Target or Shopko etc)


1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout
the day


2. Put M&M's on layaway.


3. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've
got a Code 3 in house wares," and see what happens.


4. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn
the volumes to "10."


5. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.


6.Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the rest rooms.


7. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.


8. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite
them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.


9. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you
people just leave me alone?"


10. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you
floss your teeth.


11. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield
with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men


12. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.


13. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk
if he knows where the antidepressants are.


14. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest rooms.


15. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission
Impossible."


16. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.


17. Sit on a chair and read a book for hours.


18. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things
like "pick me! pick me!!"


19. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal
position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"


20. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't
get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. And last, but
not least...


21. Go into the dressing room and yell real loud..."Hey, we're out of
toilet paper in here!"


these are just killing me...

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: my mother's bloody womb
Posts: 7148

hahahaHAHA!!

...i need sleep...


signs that you are an alcoholic:

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse.
Beer ads make sense.
You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.
You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.
You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin.
You explain to your bank manager that you spent your overdraft mainly on beer and women; "the rest I just wasted."
You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Job interferring with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I don't think so!
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
You fall off the floor...
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
Roseanne looks good.
Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
I'm as jober as a sudge.
You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.
The shrubbery's drunk too from frequent watering.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 7113

The first one would have made more sense if nothing happened at all when bush pushed the buttons. Maybe a few "wheeeeee" noises added.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Veerheenyah
Posts: 3300

quote:

---

Originally posted by morgana
Things to do when you're bored at WalMart (or Target or Shopko etc)

---

I got banned from one of the local Wal-Marts for 45 days because my friends CJ and LeRon were playing "hide and seek" and I whispered to some woman "hey lady...see that guy over there?...well, he's "it" and if he catches me I'll be "it". I don't want to be "it" so I'm gonna get in your shopping cart and you sneak me past him, okay?"

needless to say she wouldn't and she told the manager on us. He caught us in the toy ailse DDT'ing the Barney dolls and kicked us out and banned us for 45 days

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