Registered: Aug 2000
Location: 54.60°N 5.70°W
Posts: 1950

"MRB" Released Into Western Population: Tens Of Millions Affected (AP)

Capitol Hill deserted, save for a few men who look like extras from that scene in ET when Eric and the wrinkly thing come down with space fever and the house is all wrapped up in plastic; mail services across the UK and America suddenly having more to worry about than a disgruntled former employee getting a little payback; otherwise rational, intelligent people deciding en masse to believe everything they see and hear about how virtuous the west's revenge is and how accurate their bombs are; still more people declaring that America is the devil incarnate and telling anyone who'll listen that they saw it all coming, years ago...

What does it all mean?

Today's mass panic and closure of public offices has forced the various western authorites to admit that "90% of Britain and North America's populations have been exposed to extremely high levels of MRB," and that the anthrax scares are "just the latest volley in the terrorists' attack on western nations."

"We have sufficent evidence now that many thousands of vials of MRB were introduced into the west's water supplies, food stocks, airwaves and newsprint several weeks ago," said a senior offical for the United Nations.

Although MRB, or Misinformed Ranting Bullshit, is a highly communicable and particularly virulent disease, suffers' early symptoms are often confused with the more common ailments of Ignorance, Narcissism and Being Really Boring. It has only recently become apparent that the mindless and quite wilful ignorance masquerading as either righteous patriotism or bandwagon USA-bashing is sucking dry the souls of everyone, everywhere.

A spokesman for America's CDC said that although there is no known cure, "the effects may be lessened by taking a large spoonful of perspective before meals, and immeditely on waking."

In a prepared statement, the Universe urged everyone to "please please please just make it stop."

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona
Posts: 19186

AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!!!! I HAVE IT!!! Shit and I have just gotten around to accepting my fate with having anthrax and the klingerman virus.

I think it's time to start bombing Iraq and Libya.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 5526

quote:

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Originally posted by Pangloss
A spokesman for America's CDC said that although there is no known cure, "the effects may be lessened by taking a large spoonful of perspective before meals, and immeditely on waking."

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: California
Posts: 4252

Good thing Libertarians are so cynical. We are immune to MRB but we have been known to be carriers of the virus.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 7504

Speak for yourself. I'm Libertarian, and as anyone can tell who's read me this week, I have the disease real bad.

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: California
Posts: 4252

quote:

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Originally posted by CHiPsJr
Speak for yourself. I'm Libertarian, and as anyone can tell who's read me this week, I have the disease real bad.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Bangor, ME
Posts: 10191

quote:

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Originally posted by Dog Breath
Then you are probably a *GASP* Republican.

*Runs for cover*

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: library
Posts: 19584

I'd be pissed if someone calle dme a rebuplican.

-m

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 5526

(an aside: is it just me, or do people seem just a tad bit more tense lately (i.e., getting all wanked out over ancient bugaboos like jesus, fat, and retards)? Not that there would be any reason for that, like, oh, anthrax threats, so it must just be my imagination.)

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: California
Posts: 4252

quote:

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Originally posted by Mordecai
I'd be pissed if someone calle dme a rebuplican.

-m

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Mordecai is a Pelican.

Sorry Paint Jr just isn't bitter and cynical enough to be a Libertarian. I think Fiend is an Anarchist.

Anarchist = Orthodox Libertarian
Libertarian = Funamentalist militant Republican
Republican = selfish liberal
Liberal = closet communist
Communist = closet totalitarian
Totalitarian = closet Anarchist

Let's not argue aqbout these definitions IT'S A JOKE FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 7236

quote:

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Originally posted by Pangloss
extras from that scene in ET when Ericand the wrinkly thing come down with space fever

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: The Bottom of the Toyem Pole
Posts: 9461

I wanted to point that out!

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beatrice, Nebraska
Posts: 18825

Pangloss is just angry because we won't let him watch "Manos: the Hands of Fate."

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Registered: Nov 2000
Location:
Posts: 5131

I thought it was because he could only find Single Malt for his coffee this morning....

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