Registered: Aug 2000
Location: I don't fukn' know!
Posts: 5137

bad timing!

WIRE: 10/17/2001 1:42 pm ET

Postal inspectors issue heads-up about Publishers Clearinghouse mailings

The Associated Press


ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) With fears of anthrax in the mail running high, postal inspectors in St. Paul have given their colleagues a heads-up that Publishers Clearinghouse is sending out packages of powdered detergent.

full story here

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Registered: Nov 2000
Location:
Posts: 5131

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

I'd rather they get shutdown for inciting panic.

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: California
Posts: 4252

Fuck! OOPS!

I guess Ed McMahon will have to skip his bonus this year.

Are the odds higher that you will get Anthrax than of winning the prize?

Ha ha stupid fucking people!

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Registered: Nov 2000
Location:
Posts: 5131

Those little blue crystals make the Anthrax color safe

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: California
Posts: 4252

Exterior Trailer park, Daytime.

Marge waddles to the multi mailbox to retrieve the daily mail. Dressed in her house coat and fuzzy slippers with curlers in her hair, she opens the tiny aluminum door with her tiny aluminum key.

She reaches for the mail when she spies a brown window envelope brightly illustrated. She sees Half of Ed McMahon's face on the front partially obscured by the mail on top. Quickly she recoils taking a step back. She pauses and reaches again but stops short.

Marge rushes back to the kitchen retrieving a pair of salad tongs. Back again at the mail box she grasps the envelope with the tongs and draws it out. Her other mail spills to the ground unnoticed.

She steps over the free mailing labels and credit card offers returning home with her prize.

Marge places the envelope in the dry side of the sink. She then reaches under the sink for her Playtex Living Gloves and wraps several layers of Brawny paper towels around her fat head.

She slowly opens the envelope with the salad tongs using the gloves. Inside she pulls out the return mail envelope. With the tongs she places the sticker with her return address and the gold super bonus sticker to the letter. She grabs her sponge-on-a-stick dish cleaner and moistens the envelope flap closing it with the tongs.

Quickly Marge rushed to the mail box with the return envelope firmly grasped in the tongs still wearing her "Brawny surgical mask". She deposited the envelope in the outgoing mail slot and after a long sigh of relief returned to her home knowing her chance at the big prize was assured.

Back in the kitchen Marge collected the soap packet and various other pieces of the letter left in her sink with the tongs. With her free hand she removed the cap of her Clorox potpourri scented bleach bottle and used the bulk of it to rinse out the sink.

Marge made a stop in the bedroom for a cigarette lighter and her bottle of non-acetone purple nail polish remover.

She quickly shuffled to the barbeque in the back yard generating heat as her thighs rubbed together. She placed the contents left over of the letter on the grill dousing it with the remover and ignited a corner of the paper.

A thick smoke and bright flames consumed the package. Marge tossed in her gloves watching them shrivel.

She slowly turned to go back inside when she caught a glimpse of a trail of smoke ebbing skyward next door.

Carefully she peered over the fence. Gladys her neighbor was standing at her grill burning some paper and a pair of oven mitts. Gladys glanced up at marge saying "Hmmlffglhbght" through several layers of Scott Toilet paper. Marge simply replied "Hgfrtffg".

Last edited by Dog Breath on 10-18-2001 at 08:20 PM

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Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 3

Doggy!!

You are totally, undeniably, certifiably insane!!!

I loved it!!

Take a bow-wow. LOL

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: California
Posts: 4252

Thanks Smudgie.

I had to wright that twice. I typed it the first time and my computer froze. I had to start over.

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location: Denver
Posts: 2532

lol that alone made the thread worth reading.

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: California
Posts: 4252

Top because you haven't laughed hard enough. (you know you want to)

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Registered: Feb 2001
Location: Oakland-ish
Posts: 6032

"rudrazruhhnhi,rogggredddhe!"

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Veerheenyah
Posts: 3285

HEY!!! It ain't easy being trayler park traish!!!



^^^ that's the lovely view from my front porch!!

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: The Bottom of the Toyem Pole
Posts: 9453

WE NEED OUR POINTS BACK!!!!

And DB deserves at least 1.4 humor points. Hell, give him 1.6. That was funny stuff!

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Location Location
Posts: 26383

quote:

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Originally posted by SmudgieTM
You are totally, undeniably, certifiably insane!!!

I loved it!!

Take a bow-wow. LOL

---

__________________

[Ignore Sig]

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Bangor, ME
Posts: 10153

quote:

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Originally posted by Paint CHiPs


*puts fingers to temple*

You are a middle aged woman.

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__________________

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: 51N3, 114W3
Posts: 1071

This is the second time, in as many hours, Dogbreath has been the cause of me having an epileptic giggle fit.

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: California
Posts: 4252

quote:

---

Originally posted by Paint CHiPs


*puts fingers to temple*

You are a middle aged woman.

---

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