Registered: Aug 2000
Location: 54.60°N 5.70°W
Posts: 1950

Perhaps it's a sad truth that we only receive an accurate perspective when we're under a moderate, but substantial, degree of emotional strain, haven't slept in 42 hours and have consumed most of a bottle of shiraz cabernet -- the rest of which is being worked upon, even as I type -- and then again perhaps it's a sad truth that I'm slightly strained, very tired, and rather colourful.

As I sit and type I see myself rising up and accelerating away from my home. I see my neighbour's houses and my town, hundreds of ants roaming around the roads in their tiny metal universes. I see the coastline of my island and the arbitrary border that exists only in my mind, separating one man from another, and which has caused so much hatred and ignorant intolerance. The British Isles become Europe, Europe shrinks to become Earth and before I can think about other, less familiar, borders, the pale blue dot is rushing away from me, lost in a sea of pin prick lights, which may also only exist in my mind. Perhaps only because I find the opening scene of Contact so beautiful, but the imagery is still strong, even in my wine-addled head.

And as I soar away, I think about all these ants, these people, always on the move, never standing still. Rushing from A to B occassionally by way of C -- perhaps because C is where they might find a particularly good wine merchant or someone in whose eyes they see their children, so who can blame them. And I try to connect myself with them. That I too am an ant, and I have my Bs to get to, and my Cs to divert me.

I feel very strongly about the good wine and the woman who sees the man with the child in his eyes, but I find it difficult to reach out and feel that I'm part of "it" tonight. The Human Experience, I mean. I still feel my toes connected with the grass, my fingers with the trees. That hasn't changed.

Thing is, I'm feeling pretty raw about my own species right now.

Afghanistan Anthrax Taliban Twin Towers Smart-bombs Special Forces bin Laden. Which is not to say that this particular week is any darker for Homo Sapiens than any other. It's just that I'm feeling particularly vulnerable now. Suddenly someone has come and robbed me of everything I find beautiful, and it's difficult trying to find it again.

Fragility.

So I bring myself back down to earth, back into my home and type on this keyboard. Type not-so-random thoughts on my keyboard. Abuse the backspace key and have another sip of shiraz. Wonder if maybe I'm wasting my time, maybe I'm merely feeling raw with myself and this, this narcissisic outpouring of consciousness, is the literary equivalent of trying to strike a match on jelly.

Or jello, he says, mindful of his transatlantic cousins.

Perhaps I'm just writing to one person.

Pangloss stares at the ground for a while and lets his mind wander.

My boots. I really need some new ones. They're falling apart now. For some reason, I'm conscious of the fact that they survived longer while they held a cow together.

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: California
Posts: 4252

Thanks Pangloss.

That was insightful.

It would be cool to see space from that perspective. Out on the ether no body or space ship to block the view just tiny pinpricks of light in never ending patterns.

I like you toasted. You should get tippy more often.

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Registered: Feb 2001
Location: Oakland-ish
Posts: 6032

thank you.

i feel like that a lot. without the wine.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sydney
Posts: 2570

I've found it so difficult to express how life has changed since September 11.
My life.
I don't care who you are or where you live.
The world is not the same.
The paradox of unity and separateness.
The acknowledgement of emptiness.
Thank you, Pangloss.
These are my feelings too.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beatrice, Nebraska
Posts: 18490

That was interesting.

9-11 has had no effect on my life other than ruining my TV enjoying experience. Not that I get more than one channel anyway.

Well, it did make gas cheap.

Thank you Osama!

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Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Hilbert Space
Posts: 35561

quote:

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Originally posted by Pangloss
...the man with the child in his eyes...

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 5526

quote:

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Originally posted by Smug Git


That would be goatboy?

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