Registered: Apr 2001
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there lived a carrot. He was an average carrot, but he had big carrot dreams. "Why" he told his carrot friends, "why when I grow up I’m going to be a carrot cake!" His carrot friends would tell him what a great carrot he was and how he could go on to do great things as far as carrots go.
One summer sunny day he was discussing his carrot cake dreams when the old farmer happened upon the conversation. The old farmer was an angry, bitter man; you see, he had itchy anal warts and he was always irritable. Now on hearing the carrot's bright dreams and optimism he became enraged at the carrots insolence. He stood over the carrot, casting his shadow over him, and stared down with red eyes of hate. His voice then boomed, "you arrogant little nothing, how dare you presume to have any power over your fate! I care for you, planted you, nurtured you! Do you have no consideration what I might want to do with you? For my needs? Your creator?!
I will choose what you become you worthless little nothing!" Just then he reached down and pulled up the little carrot by his soft parsley like leaves and then broke him in two. "What do you think of your dreams now?!" the farmer hissed. The carrot crying little carrot tears, bleeding little carrot blood just looked, frozen in disbelief. The farmer then threw the carrot down to the ground and stomped....and stomped, and stomped him in to the ground. Then the farmer spat on him and walked away. The little carrot lay in the sun, in his tears, in his blood. He could hear the whimpers of his carrot friends but could not move to see them or speak loud enough to console them. He felt his life, and dreamed his dream just one last time. "I could still be a cake," he said. I would be the finest cake ever..." he dreamt a little more of cake shops and women in fancy dresses staring at him through the window, him standing tall and beaming pride..." laying wasted and dieing on the ground he dreamt...and dreamt....and the sun fell, and the stars shined and he dreamt just a little more.

Love your carrots. They are beautiful.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: In a Blue, Blue State
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I hate carrots.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Veerheenyah
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mmmm....carrot cake

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phorbie you really freak me out sometimes you know that?

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Registered: Sep 2000
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as long as she doesnt start posting carrot pictures in IoD, i'm fine with some alternative story telling.

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quote:

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Originally posted by urbanjunkie
as long as she doesnt start posting carrot pictures in IoD, i'm fine with some alternative story telling.

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Registered: May 2001
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1037

Very phallic..

Sounds like someone is deprived

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Registered: Oct 2001
Location: Lat: 43° 42' 0 N, Long: 79° 34' 0 W
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"these are the cries of the carrots. You see, tomorrow is harvest day, and for them it is the hollocaust."
......life feeds on life......

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Registered: May 2001
Location: Kentucky
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quote:

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Originally posted by Oracular_Jinx
"these are the cries of the carrots. You see, tomorrow is harvest day, and for them it is the hollocaust."
......life feeds on life......

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Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Dublin, California
Posts: 3186

carrots are a girls best friend?

Attachment: carot.jpg
This has been downloaded 151 time(s).

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Registered: Apr 2001
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Carrots are good for your eyes...apply directly.

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quote:

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Originally posted by euphorbia
Carrots are good for your eyes...apply directly.

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hahahaha


ok, I cant find my thread, I guess I have no excuse not to read more va law.

damnitall.

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once upon a time there lived a bee. he was a very smart bee. his brain meats were massive to the point that his little bee head was all malformed and swollen. all the other bees would laugh at him and call him hogbeast. that in fact was his name, or at least what everyone including his parents called him. He lived a sad shame filled and loveless existence in his bee community, he was also a poor flyer. His head was heavy and not very aerodynamic. He would mostly just sputter and flop head first to the ground. This made the other bees squeal with laughter. Little hogbeast would grow angry, but never any tears, never any self pity…just anger red as flames dancing and chewing devouring forgiveness and passiveness leaving nothing but unadulterated white hot hate. One day, after a particularly nasty “abuse the hogbeast” episode…shapes and colors and dimensions and probabilities and equations and senerios zipped through his big meaty brains, hours upon hours…every piece of his brain was pumping and working in unison with the mission of revenge, until finally he grew weary…and fell to sleep. There on the ground….exhausted and alone, as he slept the images and thoughts continued, fantastic dreams of revenge and respect from fear, him welding unstoppable weapons of horror til they all cowered in the shadow of his massive head. He awoke to the perfect means to his rise to glory strong and clear in his mind. He felt alive, so alive! He looked up to the sky with the eyes of a newborn, he must work quickly he thought. He struggled to pull him self to his feet, which is always a chore for the big headed but he managed, and fixed his eyes forward, to the future! To his glory! Happy and optimistic he took a step, then sharply up on him he felt enormous pressure all over his body, bleak horror shot through him as impossible sounds stole away his moment, the shattering sounds of his reality falling, falling …cracking, broken, dropping away… then silence



and blackness




and nothing.




He was dead. Smashed between the toes of a careless German Shepard.



Thus ends the story of hogbeast.

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Last edited by euphorbia on 06-29-2004 at 09:29 AM

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Registered: Jun 2002
Location: Oz
Posts: 944

So Phorbie Acid is your drug of choice?

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Registered: Jun 2002
Location: Just to the right of the moon
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Ha ha ha

Awesome story. Laughing my head off

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: In a Blue, Blue State
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Too predictable. I knew right from the start of the story that a German Sheperd would stomp him.

Keep working 4b. Your efforts will only improve with experience.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beatrice, Nebraska
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quote:

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Originally posted by missjo
So Phorbie Acid is your drug of choice?

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The pinnacle of Failbot technology.

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quote:

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Originally posted by SocialParasite
Actually, it's her choice to not take the drugs that she is prescribed that is causing the problem. Huzzah for the patient's "right to refuse."

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I dunno, but both stories seem like metaphors for the struggle endured by three-toed sloths who try to become matadors.

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Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Still Orygun
Posts: 10243

phorb, I'll bet you tell great bedtime stories to your kids.

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Registered: Jun 2004
Location: 314
Posts: 52

That carrot story might just be the saddest thing I've ever read. And tonight is my anniversary. And my wife is going to wonder why I'm so glum and she'll probably think it's because I'm unhappy with my marrige and we'll probably get divorced. All beause of that evil fucking farmer. Fuck farmers. And fuck you for ruining my life with your story.

:BANG!:

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Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Still Orygun
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goddammit, elvis is dead again.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: NJ
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All I know is that this story made me cry.

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Registered: Mar 2004
Location: USA
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Admit it. You stuck a carrot in your eye, didn't you?

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