Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Delaware
Posts: 5704

1) My husband and I divorced over religious differences.

He thought he was God and I didn't!

2) I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

3) I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!

4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6) Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10) Quoting one is plagiarism -- Quoting many is research.

11) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

13) NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room spinning-medicine.

14) The trouble with life is there's no background music.

15) God must love stupid people; he made so many.

16) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

17) It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.

18) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

19) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

20) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

21) Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.

22) Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up.

23) My Dog Can Lick Anyone

24) I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts --- Do You Want Fries With That?

25) Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.

26) All men are idiots and I married their king!

27) Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.

28) My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat.

29) A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

30) Stupidity is NOT a handicap. Park elsewhere!

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Canada
Posts: 1726

quote:

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Originally posted by Joeycat
30) Stupidity is NOT a handicap. Park elsewhere!

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: my mother's bloody womb
Posts: 7126

some of my favorites:
- tact is for people not witty enough to be sarcastic.
- the light at the end of the tunnel has been shut off due to budget cuts.
- how many TOMATOES had to DIE for your salad???
- these ARE my church clothes.
- i am the evil twin.
- being posessed by demons isn't as easy as it looks.

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location: Denver
Posts: 2532

quote:

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Originally posted by Joeycat
25) Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.

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