Registered: Aug 2000
Location: I don't fukn' know!
Posts: 5137

It started when we were in our early teens.

well for everyone else anyways.

the preoccupation with sex. It seems to be on everyone's minds, to some degree... all the time.
Consider it the instinctual act that keeps our species alive.

anyway.

Some people seem to think about it all-the-time. It consumes them, like an addicting drug. Perhaps it's because people equate sex with love or acceptance. Security, that kinda thing. In theory, a guy won't fuck me unless he likes me right? that he will take care of me emotionaly, or financially if he really likes me... Or he is trying to steal our 'treasure' so we'd best wait for someone who we care about, and be sure that he cares about us... heh that's the myth that us wee girlies were told via Cosmo, YM, and other teen/woman mag-o-zines.

Sex sells, in adverts and movies and whatever. We love to watch... don't we?
We as a culture try so hard to be above our 'base selves'. The Puritan ethics my country was founded on ... the goverment tries so hard to impose them... push them back onto a society that the conservative extremists say has gone downhill into a pit of debauchery. We develope these cultural mores that try to banish the sex drive in patictular social situations. Hide it, conseal it, contain it, leave it for your spouse, in the privacy of your locked bedroom.

Sex and wanting it is something I was taught to be ashamed of. I'm sure I'm not alone.

... we are animals, wether we admit it or not. ... I am remided of the Victorian era, a time when social constraints were tight, innocence was prized along with virginity... and when some of the best erotica was written. No amount of social constraints seem to contain the desire for physical contact.

so...

I'm just thinking out loud, bear with me...

I've know people that, despite the majority of social and ethical values, will just do anything to get that 'sexual healing'. I'm not saying that anything anyone decides to do is a good or bad thing. I personaly don't throw ethical judgements like that... mainly because I don't personally care. People can fuck who ever or whatever they like as long as all parties consent and as long as they don't oppress me unwillingly with their behavior. I'm just trying to understand why.

I've know people that will go to the extreme, as far as mainstream society is concerned. Like fuck strangers, or groups of strangers... Or carry on relationships with multiple people at once... or act out their fetishes, no matter how self destructive they might seem to be... Or flirt with, or break promises they've made to an SO... or hop from one mate to another (serial monogamy), or spend hours inventing or writing or acting out private fantasies... etc and so forth.

things that have nothing to do with procreation

Depending on the era and area of the world that you live in, a preocupation with sex could or would be considered a mential disorder or disease. Many of the acts described above could earn you jail time, or death, or many invitations to various interesting parties.

so... why do we do what we do? why do we try so hard to 'get off'.

My senior year in High school I was being interviewed after my last IQ test. I had to take them every 3 years because I have a learning disability... Anyway, the guy, a school psychologist was talking about something... I can't remember... but what I do remember him saying, and I was suprised he said it, ... he was talking about what people need to have in life... he mentioned sex, heh, he almost retracted himself from the comment, but then said, yes, sex is a human need,... and then went on with whatever he was trying to tell me.

Now here I am. 17 yrs old, a good christian, and a sweet innocent virgin (despite the trashy comments I was adept at making around my friends in school)... been kissed a few times, had my bewbies molested but never had anyone gotten to 3rd base on me. All my friends, deflowered or very close to it. Everyone I knew was in a relationship, except me... and I have this teacher, a school psychologist, telling me that sex was a human need.

and 11 years later, I am wondering if he was right... or if his desires or mamilian instincts were just telling him that it was. I have no answers. Only questions.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 15130

I don't have much to say here. No experience with sex, though I do agree that it is rather pervasive in our society.. all but pushed down our throats. If you're not interested in sex, people tend to think you're gay, or just really odd. I actually have a friend who, until recently, I had never heard any comments relating to sexuality ever escape his lips (I just assumed he hadn't discovered girls yet, since he is an obsessive techie and tinkerer). Then, over the winter, it struck me as really odd for me to hear him talk about sexual stuff (I forget details, all I remember was thinking "wow, he finally discovered girls!").

I dunno where I'm going with this.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beatrice, Nebraska
Posts: 18816

There is a lot of pressure from society to have sex, which is odd since everyone seems to think it's immoral and icky. If you don't lose your virginity before you get out of high school you're some sort of loser.

Currently I'm thinking about sex a lot, but that's just my biological clock saying "You've passed the peak, now get out there and make babies!!"

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Registered: Jul 2001
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 4701

PMG--

Sex is, I think, a wonderful event on the order of earthquakes and meteor impacts. Or, at least, it's supposed to be. Even though I think most of the horniness is nothing but the "selfish gene," there can be a lot more to the act than just getting your rocks off--you mentioned the emotional security you should in theory get from it. So we are probably agreed that ideally, when you're having sex with someone you're getting closer to them. Intimate contact with someone you trust (as long as it's not Ol' Uncle Ray at your 7th birthday party) is always good.

It's not that I think sex is "bad" in any way. But, I think that when you do it at the wrong times for the wrong reasons it can be damaging; and also, people try to use it to control other people (women are notorious for this, because men are pretty simple, stupid creatures when it comes down to it). So, I avoid sex because I know a casual hookup is not going to be the earth-shattering event it's going to be; and because I know it's not going to be healthy; and because I don't want to be used or controlled.

None of this has anything to do with thinking sex is "naughty." And yet, all the people my age whom I know basically enjoy it because it is illicit. It reminds me of a Hot-Topic-like store in Pensacola where you can get tatoos and trendy little t-shirts, called Kaoz or somesuch. They have a billboard that says "Come get all the things you're not allowed!" The thrill is the same. But since pop culture endorses casual sexuality it really is not only allowed, but encouraged. So I think all those people (ahem, Goatboy) are just fooling themselves.

It comes down to the same ethic, which you named as the "Puritan Ethic," which dates back to Calvinism, and before that, Mannicheanism. The idea is, everything pleasurable is sinful, our bodies are nothing but traps, and so we don't need them, we will destroy them. Judging by the results of the relationships I see around me, which always end in ruin, but which repeat over and over again, I don't think it's too hard of a jump from "low self-esteem" to "self-loathing."

People just go fuck around, don't care about consequences, end up fucked up mentally, all for forgettable throwaway experiences, and then they are going to call me names because I want no part in that. People are just assholes, lemme tell ya!

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Registered: Mar 2002
Location: Hell.
Posts: 683

I'm just going to sit here and pet my chub, wishing I was having sex.


Nice chub, good chub... oh you like that chub?

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Registered: Dec 2000
Location: where the buses don't run
Posts: 1002

I don't think it's necessarily about sex, but about fulfilling animalistic "needs" in general. As the years have passed, people have developed less and less in terms of self-control and delayed gratification. People have to fulfill everything right away, at the expense of anyone. In terms of sex, we have 10-year olds having sex now because our society has deemed it "normal" to want to do it. And whenever you want something, you have to get it right away...another message that is loud and clear in our society. These kids are also given the message that having sex makes you mature (yeah, I laughed too), and everyone wants to grow up too fast. So they'll do it before they're ready to feel more mature. It's not really natural...it's just been deemed that by society.

This is really disjointed and all (I just woke up), so I hope it makes sense.

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Registered: Mar 2002
Location: Mountains
Posts: 4698

yes.. I think sex is a human need.. just as it is built into every animal's brain as a need.. a strong desire begging to be fulfilled.. I think it's the way we're wired..
humans have just taken it farther.. as we have with all other needs.. food.. we indulge until we are obese.. drink.. we poison ourselves.. nesting (the need for building shelter) we rip apart our world and shape it as we wish..
sex is no different in that aspect..
but it is also something intimate.. it is meant for two mates to share eachother's bodies and procreate.. it is meant to strengthen their feelings for eachother.. and it still does although we treat it so lightly.. thus the destruction of ourselves.. sex is a very emotional thing because of the intamacy factor.. so we open ourselves up emotionally (especially females) which is just as enjoyable as the physical aspects.. but also that much more hurtful..
erm.. what was the question?

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