Registered: Jul 2000
Location: London
Posts: 3008

In a train carriage there were 4 people, an Englishman, a
Frenchman, a spectacular looking blonde and an awful looking fat lady.

After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass
through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When

they leave the tunnel, the Frenchman had a big red slap mark on his cheek.

The blonde thought - `That French son of a bitch wanted to
touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face

The Frenchman thought - `That fucking Englishman put his
hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me`.

The fat lady thought - `This dirty old Frenchman laid his
hands on theblonde and she smacked him`.

The Englishman thought - `I hope there`s another tunnel
soon so I can smack that French cunt again`.

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An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better!" he replies. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun.

"So he's in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in his its chest."

"That's impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear," the man said.

"Exactly," replies the Doc.

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Things to do in a public toilet..

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"

6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place six to eight feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters."

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"

13. Say. "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"

14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

15. Say, "Darn, I Knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I
gonna do?"

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"

20. When you're in a bathroom stall take a Snickers candy bar with you and when someone is next to you, squish it in your hand and reach under the stall wall and say "You got any more toilet paper over there, This side's completely out."

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Crap jokes.

Q. A black and a Puerto Rican are in the same car, who's driving?
A. The Policeman
Q. What do you call a Greek girl who keeps running away from home?
A. A virgin.

Q. What do Orientals use Dental Floss for?
A. Blindfolds.

Q. Hear about the library that burnt down in Paris ?
A. Destroyed their entire collection and they hadn't even finished colouring in the second one !

Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A. They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q. Who won the Belgian beauty contest?
A. Nobody.

Q. Why do Italian men have mustaches?
A. So they can look like their mothers.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!

Q. British General addressing Australian troops: Did you come here to die?
A. No mate, we came here yester-die.

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location:
Posts: 16671

"An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better!" he replies. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun.

"So he's in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in his its chest."

"That's impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear," the man said.

"Exactly," replies the Doc. "


heheheheheheh

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taste the fucking rainbow

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