Registered: Jan 2002
Location: UK
Posts: 13002

A NATION IN CRISIS WHILE THE PLANET SLOWLY MOURNS

The entire British nation joined with all the peoples of the world today, uncontrollably weeping in shock at the passing of "possibly the greatest most wondrous person ever to have walked on God's good Earth, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother."

Speaking by live media broadcast on all television and radio channels, Tony Blair, dressed in a sombre suit accompanied by several dozen black armbands strategically placed over every part of his face and body, tearfully addressed the nation - and the world. "A great light has gone out in all our lives. This is without doubt, the greatest tragedy to befall this country since the Black Death, the Great Fire and the First World War all rolled into one. How could this have happened to a lady of only 101, taken in the prime of her life? We are in National Crisis!" he bawled, sobbing like a baby. As his words travelled around the world, soldiers set down their weapons, terrorists abandoned their car-bombs, and military dictators turned away from their bloody coups as the enormity of the global loss slowly began to sink in.

In Afghanistan, the Brains Trust talked to Razmullah Khan who had stopped work digging his family out of the rubble from the recent earthquake to organise a whip-round. "It was the least I could do" he explained. "It would have felt disrespectful if we couldn't at least send a bunch of flowers," he added as he dug the body of his three year old daughter from the wreckage of what had once been his home.

Within Ramallah, Israeli and Palestinian fighters linked arms and sang a chorus of Rule Britannia for the BBC cameras. "It is important to mark this sad farewell with a gesture of solidarity with the British people," claimed Yusuf Kamil, a Palestinian resident. "We can only guess at the suffering of the British people and the huge damage that has been inflicted on their country," he lamented, adding "Incoming!" as a shell whistled by, landing a few feet away from him. "It is nothing," he claimed, as he was stretchered away clutching his severed leg to his chest and singing "Land of Hope and Glory". All over the world these ceremonies were repeated with weeping widows and orphans, and peasants and lepers "crying for the sake of the world."

The people of Britain themselves responding "like lions" to the "baleful news" were fulsome in their tributes. Speaking to the Brains Trust, Derek Gadd of Bolton said "that wise wonderful old lady, known the world over for her enormous wealth, several palaces and the immense good fortune of being born so enormously posh. A wonder to behold." Commenting further on the news, Mark Robertson of Glasgow reported that "she was "oh so brave" in the Second World War. "People should never forget the way she sheltered in London during the Blitz, her only comfort the 30 foot steel reinforced bunker underneath Buckingham Palace that she hid in so courageously."

Frequent royal friend Lord Hugo of Hackenbush, too tearful to speak to the Brains Trust, until we told him the size of his fee, commented that, "I will miss her. Particularly all that military marching music and those black shirts she loved so much!"

Tim Chow of Taiwan faxed the Brains Trust to say that as far as he was concerned her ability to "balance those tiaras on her head, eat expensive and sumptious food, drink gin like a fish and generally live it up for eighty solid years show just how deserving she was of the world's infinite love and affection. I will cry myself to bed tonight. Truly."

The Brained Trust


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Thank fuck its all over. Reality and normality can return. And no I am not a Republican. I just don't give a shit about it.

Last edited by philjit on 04-09-2002 at 03:24 PM

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Registered: Nov 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 4776

Everyone at work completely forgot to hold a 2 minute silence. Personally, I'm grateful.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: I don't fukn' know!
Posts: 5137

::snort::

the only thing that I find remotely interesting about the dead queen chick is that she saw the ENTIRE 20th century.

that's wicked neat. man

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