Registered: Aug 2000
Location: I don't fukn' know!
Posts: 5137

My friend looks at me and tells me that she must be pathetic.

She's in her early 30's. Got married when she was 19, divorced when she was 29, no kids. Has been working at the hardware store for about 12-13 years (never really put alot of effort into working any place else). Smart, funny, very moral (for the most part), and one of my more 'straight laced' friends. Currently she's dating a 24 aspiring buisnessman (who is alot like her ex imho, but he's not a bad guy). So, basically what I'm saying is that she's a good person.

She turns to me the other day and tells me she has no friends. No one to hang out with, or go out with. She's planning on getting married again in a year or 2, and she says her guest list is about 30 people, mostly family. All of the people she knows is through the store (like me).

Later that same day, after she had left work, I talk to another friend that I work with. She's also in her early 30's, in her second marrige, 1 child hers, the other 2 his. She also works at a middle school as the lunch lady, & I swear on everything that is good and holy, she is the best mother I have ever seen. I've never met anyone who was so good with kids, ever. She does tend to talk alot about personal body issues though (not that this bothers me, but I think it's interesting that she discloses this info). She too is a good person. And she turns to me that day and says she has no real friends. Everyone she knows is through work or her kids parents. Nobody to really confide in. She and the other girl used to be close, but due to... I would say lack of communication and taking things personaly that were not personal, they've grown apart.

I've known other folks, decent folks that say how they have no friends, no one to really confide in. I've often said it... All these people who want to connect with someone else, and yet nobody can seem to hook up.

I told the 1st girl that what she needs is to join something, like a club or a hobby thing or a sports thing or something. Go out when you're alone watching tv. She told me how she was never that type of a person in highschool, which lead me to the unspoken comment that since she didn't do it then she can't do it now, even though Highschool was more than 10 years ago for her. She then slightly jibed me for not haning out with her more. I kinda feel bad about that, cos I wouldn't mind hanging out with her after work. But I just get so busy with my own gigs... I wish that I could have all the time to spend with all the people that I enjoy, but this is for right now, the way it is... maybe later when things are so full.

I've also often heard how people want to go out and meet new folks. 'Where do you go to meet people?' they ask me, like I know. People, they go out to places, they ride on the bus, they see movies and go to restraunts, and they do 1000 different things in public in a day, and yet they can't meet people. OR they sit at home watching tv, or playing video games, or they hang out online... and they wonder why they can't meet anyone new IRL.

All these people... all lonely, and they all think they are the only ones.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Montreal
Posts: 2992

I have too many friends sometimes

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"Please pardon my levity, I don't see how to take death seriously. It seems absurd." R A Wilson (R.I.P)

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Registered: Apr 2002
Location: On a collision course with reality.
Posts: 334

I'll send an SOS to the world
I'll send an SOS to the world
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle, yeah...

Walked out this morning
Don't believe what I saw
A hundred billion bottles
Washed up on the shore
Seems I'm not alone at being alone
A hundred billion castaways
Looking for a home

Last edited by Daniel on 04-09-2002 at 04:08 PM

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Registered: Mar 2002
Location: Mountains
Posts: 4698

yeah.. it's true..
once you reach a point in life it's kinda like.. you go to work.. you go home.. you go to work.. you go home.. (especially for parents)
it's kinda sad.. but that is what your life starts to revolve around..
I used to work with this lady.. her kids were grown.. her husband left her.. she was overweight and extremely unhappy.. and that was it.. she moved here.. knew noone but her son and that's her life.. she goes to work.. then she goes home and cooks and watches the shopping channel..
it makes me wonder if this is what life is supposed to be.. what makes a life worthwhile?

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 10152

I'll show you.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: my mother's bloody womb
Posts: 7148

life kind of gets that way. people that you hung out with in highschool, the people you swore would never change, do. and then you or they move away, have kids, get jobs, buy houses and cars. and once you have kids, you really have no time for a social life. there's plays, soccer tryouts, karate class, sleepovers, parent teacher confrences...

i meet alot of really cool people that i'd love to hang out with. but they feel uncomfortable hanging out with someone who has kids. and i haven't really met any mothers that have similar interests as me. i like scary movies, and comic books, and collecting action figures, and hanging out on the internet. they're all...normal. they like to bake cookies and watch soap operas, and talk about little jimmy's spelling bee.

which is why more and more people are becoming addicted to the net. it's interaction with the oustide world with no real strings attached.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 7504

Rings a bell, actually. Although I'm self-centered enough and obsessive enough about my privacy that having a group of "hanging out" type friends isn't as important to me as it is to most people.

Great post, PMG.

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location: Denver
Posts: 2532

I think I have just enough friends. I have one that I can't keep a secret from, and a handful of others that I greatly enjoy spending weekends with. I like that. I know one gal who I swear knows all but 2 or 3 people in Denver. That would drive me crazy. I like having my 6 or so friends.

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Registered: Oct 2001
Location: Lat: 43° 42' 0 N, Long: 79° 34' 0 W
Posts: 2820

I've never really had trouble meeting people. A lot of people will introduce themselves to me, or visa versa, when I'm happy. If I'm going through a down time, I meet nobody, and essentially hermit myself in my room. This tends to sort of become a downward spiral.

Places to meet people? Coffee shops are probably one of the easiest. I would take a book (either heavy to read, or poetry, or some short stories) and just hang out for around two hours per week. When you need a break, put the book down, and strike up a conversation about it with someone near you.

Of course, I meet a lot of people when I go to parties, or go to bars. People are fairly talkative (thanks to ?drinks?) there, and are usually happy to meet new people. Now, I am not sure how this would work if you have kids, but you get the picture.

Networking is pretty fun. That's how I know as many people as I do right now. At the beginning of the year, I started hanging out with a group of about eight of us. Now we're up to about forty, although I would call them acquaintances more than friends.

Surprisingly enough, I've met a couple of people on the internet who are pretty cool IRL (I mean, aside from you asylum people). I still keep in touch with them too. Now, mind you, I've met at least as many weirdos, so use disgression (sp?).

I think that joining a special-interest group is definitely a great way to meet people. It's a nice option if you have a couple of bucks laying around, although I'm pretty sure most local libraries have book clubs, and volunteer work is free (and you get to feel good about yourself!), so money's not really a huge issue. Food banks can be a blast because you can chat while you sort the food.

Anyway, I can't think of anything more. I'm not really feeling lively yet.

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