Registered: May 2002
Location: Roaring up your mum.
Posts: 62

Come on. There must be one or two people at least...

The Day Today is facing repeatage on BBC2 shortly (and about fucking time too) and Brasseye is getting a DVD release on Monday.

"I'm just going to show Dr. Harris what a roaring purple vagina he is."

Confusion.

__________________

[Ignore Sig]

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

myself and phil are very much the chris morris fan club around here. he is a genius. without doubt.

i didnt know the day today was up for some much needed repeatage. cheers for that.

Last edited by urbanjunkie on 05-03-2002 at 02:08 AM

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: May 2002
Location: Vomiting your face off.
Posts: 44

Chris Morris is not nearly as funny as Adam Sandler.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jan 2002
Location: UK
Posts: 13002

Chris Morris is a god. Blue Jam kicks arse, and no one bare Peter and Dudley come close tho him in comdedy genius.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: May 2002
Location: Roaring up your mum.
Posts: 62

Superb.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Apr 2001
Location:
Posts: 16728

Dennis Leary would kick Chris Morris' hippie ass!

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Apr 2001
Location:
Posts: 16728

http://www.thefunnypages.org/differ...ennisLeary.html


"From time to time, people try to use macho as an image builder. Bush tries to make himself seem like a card-carrying Mace Club member. He's not. The last macho pres. we had was FDR. FDR--a man stricken by polio, stuck in a wheelchair, fighting the Nazis all the while smoking 3 & 1/2 packs a day. "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself!" Yeah, and staircases, of course. And soccer and dancing."

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: May 2002
Location: Roaring up your mum.
Posts: 62

"Clive said that in fact the best way he knew was to buy two hundred foot of nylon rope, tie one end ‘round your neck, the other end ‘round a lamp-post, get into your car and floor the accelerator. He said that’s how his great uncle had done it. He’d made Clive help him. He was just nine years old and he’d had to ride in the car and stop it crashing when his uncle’s head came off. The blood had made the pedals very slippery. Clive blinked, smarting eyes. The table fell silent. “Really?” said Paddy, genuinely shocked. “Of course not you moron!” brayed Clive, and went on to explain that we were all idiots; he could say anything and we’d lap it up, just because we thought his pain meant something; how we wouldn’t give him a second thought if he wasn’t going to kill himself, except that actually, he wasn’t anyway because the whole thing was a hoax and he was going to say so in his column next week.

Paddy erupted and decked Clive with the oyster bowl. The he stood over him roaring that this was his fucking idea, Clive had agreed to do it and he wasn't going to wriggle out of killing himself now, not now there was a book."

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Apr 2001
Location:
Posts: 16728

Asshole - Dennis Leary

(Spoken)
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American dream.
About me, about you, about the way our American hearts beat way down
in the bottom of our chests. About the special feeling we get in the
cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the subcockle
area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the
colon, we don't know.

(Sung)
I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job.
I'm your average white suburbanite slob.
I like football and porno and books about war.
I've got an average house with a nice hardwood floor.

My wife and my job, my kids and my car.
My feet on my table and a cuban cigar.

But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
(oh no) no way (uh-uh)
No, I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
(oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane,
While people behind me are going insane.

I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, such an asshole)
I use public toilets and piss on the seat,
I walk around in the summertime saying "How about this heat?"
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole)
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people make handicapped faces.
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong
NAAAAH!

I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)

(Spoken)
Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado,
hot-fuckin'-pink, with whaleskin hubcaps and all-leather cow interior and big
brown baby seal eyes for headlights... yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in
that baby doing 115 miles an hour, getting 1 mile per gallon, suckin' down
quarter pound cheeseburgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-
biodegradable styrofoam containers... yeah! And when I'm done suckin' down
those greaseball burgers I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right
out the
side, and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it. You
know why?
Because we got the bombs, that's why... yeah! Two words--nuclear
fuckin'
weapons, OK? Russia, Czechoslovakia, Romania, they can have all the
democracy
they want...they can have a democracy cakewalk right through the
middle of
Tienamen Square and it won't make a lick of fuckin' difference,
because we got
the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not dead--he's frozen! And when we find
a cure for
cancer, we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed
off. You
know why? You ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15
million
times--that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the
Duke and
John Casavetti and Sam Peckinpaw and a case of fuckin' whisky and
drive...

(Hey, hey, hey, hey, you know you really are an asshole?)

Why don't you shut up and sing the song, Chris. I thought I was the
asshole... all the time it was him... what an asshole!

(Sung)
I'm an asshole (I'm an asshole, he's an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole)
A S-S H-O L-E
Everybody, A S-S H-O L-E
Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay
A-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom
Oooooooo

(Spoken)
I'm an asshole and I'm proud of it



-----------------------------------------------

and he is super sexy!

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

Dennis Leary is cool. different type of comedy to chris 'god' morris, but still cool.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: May 2002
Location: Roaring up your mum.
Posts: 62

Bah. I can't find a link to Morris' tape-edit of W. Bush. That'd put paid to any doubt that he is indeed the funniest man on the planet.

Ooh. Chingford. I have some friends who live that way. But no-one at The Hatch. Just being conversational and that...

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 10229

Ooh. Roaring up your mum. I've been there quite often, and sometimes I bring my friends.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9826

quote:

---

Originally posted by Xtal Confusion


Ooh. Chingford. I have some friends who live that way. But no-one at The Hatch. Just being conversational and that...

---

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: May 2002
Location: Roaring up your mum.
Posts: 62

The Day Today begins it's rerun tomorrow night at 10.

Anyone else get the BrassEye DVD? It's a deeply disturbing broadgramme.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2001
Location: Holy shit
Posts: 1083

Dennis Leary really annoys me. Hasn't he done commercials?
As the greatest Yank comedian (Bill Hicks) in the last 20 years said...
if you do a commercial, every word that comes out of your mouth is like a turd plopping in my pint...

Chris Morris is fucking genius, there used to be a site (cookdnbombed, I think) that had all of brass eye compressed in Divx, yet they had to take them down for legal shit. I think I still have them somewhere, including the peodophelia episode... class stuff, if anyone wants I could stick them up somewhere.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: A New England
Posts: 9187

I'd be interested, cornelius.

Bill Hicks was amazing, I have a few videos of him in PAL format, if I can figure out how, I'll try and rip some to Divx.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2001
Location: Holy shit
Posts: 1083

ok goats. PM on its way, I will morris you up.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 18147

Joe Frank's "Bible Salesman" piece is the funniest bit of spoken word ever recorded. Don't believe me? Check it out. There's a link at the Ranch with his face on it:

http://spreadeagleranch.com/links.htm

I ain't got time to look for it now. Sigmo's runnin me off the puter.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 18147

Ok, ok, he's in the shower. here's the link, if it works:

Bible Salesman

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged