Registered: Aug 2000
Location: I don't fukn' know!
Posts: 5137

consider this an exercise in self analysis.

as my local compadres who know me best can attest, I am over-analytical (sp) when it comes to my own actions. Before any major (or minor) event I delve into the fabic of my persona and ask myself 'is this what I want? is this right? will it help or hurt me? what are the possible repercussions that could occur if I do/do not do this?"...etc.

now admitedly I have missed out on some damn interesting experiences because I hesitated where others have not. Perhaps at times I play it too safe... or I think myself into a hole and fuck myself outa opportunities in the end... I dunno. There's playing it safe and then there's shooting one's self in the foot... but anyway.

Point is, I try to look at all angles and personal modivations before doing a-thing. (and try is the operative word in that sentance) It's when I don't is when oftentimes I fuckup.

And so... another thing that I like to ponder is the how and why people do what they do, and how they come to the conclusion as to why they do it.

SO my question to you my fine friends is..

(and I'd like for you to really think about this one)

Why do you behave the way you do? (pick something specific that you do, or your general behavor)

Do you find that it gets the results you intend?

How do you perceive your behavior is viewed by others?

FOR example (not to call anyone out, just picking a random person)

Miz Priz Heather often posts pics of herself, she has her own site dedicated to what seems to be mostly pics of herself.

Questions she might ask herself (now miz heather you do not have to answer these specific questions, you are being used as an example, sorry). are;

why do I post all these pics of myself?
what do I hope to gain from this?
how do I want people to react to these images?
etc...

get the point?

NOW PEOPLE LET US NOT TURN THIS INTO A FUKIN CRITICAL FLAME-O-RAMA OK???!?!??!??!

can we put our differences aside so I can see if you people are at all interested in doing something like this? I am asking cos when I ask people 'why' they do what they do I most often get a blank stare... and I find it very interesting that people do not think about their own behavior, or how their behavior is percieved by others. Because boys and girls, our lives are shaped by how people perceive us (in one way or another).

So humor me OK?

GO!

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Registered: Dec 2001
Location: away from there
Posts: 33

Why do you behave the way you do? (pick something specific that you do, or your general behavor)


I occasionally make assumptions about where people are coming from before I have considered all sides of their view-point.



Do you find that it gets the results you intend?

The intended result is not the issue, it is a defense mechanism and as such lands me in a situation where I wind up defending my defense. That is an excuse for the fact that I should have bothered to be more considerate of where the person was coming from in the first place. A 'cop-out' if you will.



How do you perceive your behavior is viewed by others?

Paranoid. Edgy. Agressive without cause.



I'm working on it. . .

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Location Location
Posts: 26415

I remember way back in SPF days, one day Anti-Stile was intent on stirring up trouble, so he decided he was going to post a giant thread outlining why cam-whores were just out for attention. He msged me beforehand and we talked some and then he hammered out a great post that was like 5000 words long about how attractive women who have updated cams are just in it because they are whores for attention.

So, with the intent of taking the piss out of Meenk and all the other cam whores, he posted this dissertation.

And within 5 minutes, one of the cam girls replied as such:

"No shit. So?"


I have known Anti-Stile for a long time (he should post again, I'd like to see what he is up to), but when I saw that reply I nearly shit myself laughing.

That was the one time ever that I saw Anti owned in a thread. In three words, the conversation was made totally moot and the point was rebuked.

Fucking classic.





Damn. Now I miss Anti.

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location: Hedrick, IA
Posts: 50

I can't think of something I do at the moment, except what I do not do. Why do I tend to shy away from social contact with peers?

Probably becuase I fear getting involved in something that might be looked upon as something new, or different by the people close to me, notably my parents. Even though they sometimes pressure me into getting out of the house, getting my license, getting a job, I can't seem to let myself grow up socially, easily, for a reason yet to be known.

The Internet has helped a ways.. but the world isn't in a computer.. its out there

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: seattle-ish
Posts: 11407

Im kind of like you, in that way, PMG... BUT I tend to think about why I do these things ONLY after negativity comes from it.
If I think the result warrants a change in my behaviour, I *will* work on it. For the past year especially, I've been working on my own inner conflicts. I dont read any hokey self-help books or shit like that. I thinkt he only way to really help yourself is to.. well, help yourself.
I don't have anything particular to point out in my personality... as Ive worked on and pretty much overcome or found another outlet for most of the BIG problems. It's an ongoing thing, though.
Alright, using my extremely bad temper as an example..
I never really did find out exactly WHY my temper is so bad, but Ive learned to control the violence associated with it. I dont yell as much when Im mad now, either.
On the plus side:
I have learned that as long as I keep my voice low and calm when Im discussing something that makes me angry, I am MUCH more likely to get a better result from the other person involved in the discussion AND am unlikely(in fact, not at ALL likely) to use violence as an end means.
Im not sure why me yelling produces violence in me(probably adrenaline or some such shit)... but aparently it does. So I just try not to yell when Im mad. As I said, keep the voice calm.

Downside:

It takes longer for me to get over the things Im angry with. I tend to bear more of a grudge, but do get over most things eventually.
Whereas before, after my outbursts of screaming/violence/throwing things, I got over my anger almost immediately.
Im sure that always seemed wierd to the other people involved... but after the outbursts, I just didnt feel angry anymore.
Now that I dont do those things, it stews a while longer. Hopefully that is a temporary effect and will cease eventually.


I have, in effect, learned that other people have zero effect on my actions to improve myself. Advise does not ever help me... even if I asked for the advise. Im the kind of person who has to take things into my own hands, using my own methods, for something so personal to work out.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location:
Posts: 1925

i behave the way i do because i enjoy the way i behave. the image of myself which i create in my mind in order that i may love myself is vastly different than the image i portray to others in order that they may love me.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 1606

To describe my motivations generally is pretty simple. I work towards my simple goals of keeping a sense of humor and enjoying today as much as possible while trying to set up tomorrow to be as enjoyable as possible too.

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Registered: Dec 2000
Location: where the buses don't run
Posts: 1002

Past events have pretty much shaped the way I behave. I tend to be very cautious about my behavior and my actions and I over-analyze everything. I always have to think about the potential consequences of whatever action I may take before I do it. It comes from seeing too many of my friends and other people I know destroy themselves because they would act before they would think.

It does keep me relatively safe (can't always win), but, like PMG, I often wonder if I'm missing out on things because I'm too cautious. But I'd just rather not find out the hard way.

Other people see my behavior as hesitant, overanalytical, and paranoid.

I could go on all day about behavior stuff (it's a big interest of mine), but the attention span is kinda short this morning.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 4501

Why do you behave the way you do? (pick something specific that you do, or your general behavor)

Do you find that it gets the results you intend?

How do you perceive your behavior is viewed by others?

---------------
I'm going to pick something that may or may not be interesting to too many people, but it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

I love research, in and of itself. Everything new I learn sets me off into a whirlwind of activity, and I throw myself into learning everything about the situation that I possibly can, depending on available time and resources. I am, for example, making plans now for the next few years of research to expand upon what I've already learned about Jane Austen, the Regency period (culturally and historically), and about the finer points linking rhetoric and literature. Any major travel I do from now on will either focus on professional development or research, at least for the next 5 or 6 years. I've cut my spending considerably to save up for these travel costs.

Now, where it gets sticky is in how this is perceived by others. I am meticulous in research, to the point of pain. I verify everything, I have anxiety about things that cannot be verified reliably, but I also get enormously excited about finding reliable verification, especially when it's in an obscure resource that hasn't been touched in ages.

I sold off a number of videos and books to make room for my growing Jane Austen obsession (based on whether or not I'd actually used them in awhile, or whether or not I would conceivably use them again). I generally pride myself on a diverse collection of resources, but only have so much available space in my apartment.

My mother, I'm certain, thinks my focus is extremely odd, and most of the people I know ask, "Are you going to make money off of publishing any of this? Will this lead to a job?" Those questions annoy me exceedingly, for a variety of reasons. First of all, in a specialized field, you DON'T make any money until you become an invaluable resource in that area. Second, some of it is a matter of chance. And third, whether or not money is made is a minor consideration. Ensuring that accurate, well-written resources are available for others is the key, as well as indulging my passion.

I face the same thing with my job. I'm a textual editor of scholarly correspondence. The work is meticulous; we read every piece of correspondence, handwritten or typed, legible or not, to try to determine what is being said, and what is intended. Even mistakes and cross-outs are included. We research references made in each letter, and dig up people who have long been lost in history. It's good money--especially for a Humanities-type person--but most of all, it's a job that I feel is ethical and that contributes to future learning. These considerations are very important to me.

But, I'm not a scientist, a doctor, an engineer, a trauma nurse, a teacher, a lawyer, etc. My name isn't even really mentioned in anything I do. The lack of "prestige" makes a number of my acquaintence raise their eyebrows at me. For the first time in ages, I'm actually valueing fellow Humanties types because they understand my goals and my passion for this type of work. I don't have to explain myself to them. Hell, I shouldn't bother explaining to others...

But...I feel rather misunderstood by the world in general as to what I think, feel, and do. It makes no sense to many. I have no goals to own a big house, get a newer car, etc. I don't care about retirement.

And after my coworker joked about eating the last cookie for me so that I wouldn't be an old maid, I just realized that in a few months' time, I'll be the oldest female in my family to neither marry nor have kids.
I find myself growing a little more hostile as I grow older. I do not ask currently married-with-children folks if their lifestyles will lead them to any sort of personal fulfillment. I do not ask them if they feel that their personal time is scanty, or if they ever feel like getting the heck out of dodge. I feel that their scrutiny of my choices is not only impertinent, but ignorant. And I resent their implications.

My goal lately has been to make myself feel independent of their thoughts and assumptions to the point where I do not feel hostile and resentful. I want to be able to laugh off their questions, rather than refrain from making a rude answer, and then kick myself later for not being rude and nasty right back.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 15130

quote:

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Originally posted by Postmodgirl
Why do you behave the way you do? (pick something specific that you do, or your general behavor)

Do you find that it gets the results you intend?

How do you perceive your behavior is viewed by others?
[/B]

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Okay, lets take my bitching about myself and lack of sex life...

Why? Because it's easier than actually changing anything. Sometimes I get sympathy, I usually get attention, and I get to annoy people I don't know, rather than annoy my friends (which I don't have in AZ, and I already bore more than enough in SC). Then there's simply my depression and I feel like talking.

Results? Well, if my goal is to annoy people or get attention, sure. There's no real goal when I do it for depression... I don't really feel better, but I feel satisfied that I let everybody know how much I hate myself when I do it. I don't really get sympathy. Usually ridicule.

Perceptions? Well, I don't doubt that I'm annoying. I guess I get pity and ridicule... so people think I'm a loser, which I generally tend to think I am. Or an attention whore, which I definitely am.


I should probably stop, but it's become habit. It's just so easy to pick on myself.

__________________

[Ignore Sig]

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: seattle-ish
Posts: 11407

quote:

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Originally posted by Roshigoth

I should probably stop, but it's become habit. It's just so easy to pick on myself.

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That actually reminded me of one Im working on at the moment.
I (according to Tal and quite a few close friends of mine) am really shitty at taking a compliment well.
Tal will sincerely tell me Im beautiful, or did a good job on something... and I will promptly (and out of habit) respond with "Thanks, BUT... no Im not" or "Thanks, BUT.. (this or that thing) isnt right".
Im trying to train myself to stop at "Thank you"... leaving out the afterthought.
It annoys the shit out of me when people do that to me. So I guess it's only fair that I try to stop doing it myself.
I accepted a compliment from Tal earlier today with a simple "thank you" and literally felt a pang in my stomach when I had to stop there. It just didnt feel right.
Working on it, though.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Right there beside you..
Posts: 1056

It seems a lot of us are good at putting ourselves down. I think it's human nature to do that - believe the best in others, but not in ourselves.. but i digress..

quote:

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Why do you behave the way you do? (pick something specific that you do, or your general behavor)

Do you find that it gets the results you intend?

How do you perceive your behavior is viewed by others?

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