Registered: Sep 2001
Location: ........
Posts: 14954

My wifes been buying extra large condoms for me at the local pharmacy, Durex Comfort.

I warned her against it, but she didn't listen, and now the words out and every neighbourhood skank and her sister are suddenly coming around for cups of tea wearing loose fitting clothing.

No-one looks me in the eyes anymore.

Solution?

I quite like my neighbourhood, but it's no fun when the local smartasses yell across the street "Hey horsecock" and the suchlike.

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 12164

Just tell everyone you fill 'em with water and throw 'em at buses.

That's what I end up doing my extra large ones.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Cnafilornia
Posts: 405

Get a T-Shirt printed up with a little arrow pointing downward on the belly and the words, "Tic-Tac with a pee-hole" in bold print right above it.

Works for me.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1170

to yell bullshit, or not to yell bullshit.
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.BULLSHIT!!!

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: California
Posts: 4252

Maybe she's into fisting.

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location: Denver
Posts: 2532

You could always go for a less funny excuse and say you're saving them for a friend's b-day party.

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Registered: Sep 2001
Location: ........
Posts: 14954

quote:

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Originally posted by quins
[B]to yell bullshit, or not to yell bullshit.
[B]

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: Zion
Posts: 4444

...I'm just your average man.... 11 x 7

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Registered: Sep 2001
Location: A Whale's Vagina!
Posts: 1119

quote:

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Originally posted by Cruise Director
...I'm just your average man.... 11 x 7

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: California
Posts: 4252

quote:

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Originally posted by Cruise Director
...I'm just your average man.... 11 x 7

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: Zion
Posts: 4444

We here in Zion are still on biblical measurements. I was measuring in cubits.

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Registered: Mar 2002
Location: Hell.
Posts: 683

Standard form of measurement; the cubit. How many spans is that?

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: NYC
Posts: 700

no sweat, easy solution to not much of a problem:

next time your wife goes to the store have her buy only 3 items
1. extra large condoms
2. pack of rubber bands
3. a bunch of those twisty tie things

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Registered: Dec 2000
Location:
Posts: 1800

I'd rather have rumors spread over the 'hood regarding my large cock than my small one.

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Registered: Jul 2001
Location: Disgusting den of creepitude
Posts: 9694

I agree. "Horse cock" is a much better moniker than "Pencil dick" or "BB balls".

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: library
Posts: 19562

Fuck that, I like my nickname.

-m

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Registered: Sep 2001
Location: ........
Posts: 14954

quote:

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Originally posted by Princess_Heather
I'd rather have rumors spread over the 'hood regarding my large cock than my small one.

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Registered: Dec 2000
Location:
Posts: 1800

quote:

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Originally posted by skalie


No, you don't get it, if some trash yells over the road "Hey, microweewee". I would be well within my rights to cross that road and beat the fuck out of him.

Getting called horsecock is something one is supposed to take as a complement, the shy acknowledgement etc.

That in itself is not the real problem, it's the continual harassment from the local floosies who think that being well proportioned equals fair game.

I've taken to staying indoors.

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Last edited by Princess_Heather on 05-23-2002 at 06:56 AM

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Registered: Sep 2001
Location: ........
Posts: 14954

I'm not homosexual.

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Registered: Dec 2000
Location:
Posts: 1800

quote:

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Originally posted by skalie
I'm not homosexual.

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Registered: Sep 2001
Location: ........
Posts: 14954

Yes it does.

Sex between two men is homosexuality.

People who engage in homosexuality are homosexuals.

Getting a blowjob from a bloke makes you, by definition, a shirtlifter.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 16165

quote:

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Originally posted by skalie
. . . That in itself is not the real problem, it's the continual harassment from the local floosies who think that being well proportioned equals fair game. . . .

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Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 17889

actually, it doesn't make you anything. it just means yer gettin blown. it doesn't change yer point of view.

now if yer fantasizin bout sex with guys, and yer attracted to guys, then yer quackin like my kinda duck.

But stay the fuck away from me with that baby's arm swingin a peach!

Mord, yer penal-impediment is quite pleasing, thank you, ma'am.

amen

__________________

[Ignore Sig]

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Registered: May 2002
Location: No. California
Posts: 4175

My wife is from Scotland, and when we were visiting I couldn't find a condom that fit to save my life (or more importantly; get me laid).

Judging by Durex corporation's opinion, it must be a nation of pencil-dicks, if you ask me. I finally found something at a "chemist's" (drug store to the real world) that I could stuff most of "The PRIDE" into, but it was still a half-hour job just putting it on which involved humming Bay City Rollers tunes until just enough blood drained from the mammoth moisture-seeking guided muscle to allow a further unfurling of the asphyxiating jimmy-hat netherwards.

Fucking ridiculous, and I'm not even giant-sized, just larger in general. I suspect the dubious "problem" of having what is considered by Brit standards to be a behemoth porksword would result here in that most effective of all birth-control strategies: laughter.

Fuck showing a dick-pic to your neighbors, show US. Let us decide. (No fair using a zoom lens.)

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Registered: Dec 2000
Location:
Posts: 1800

sumo wrestlers are supposed to have dicks like Pringles Containers.

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