Registered: May 2002
Location: No. California
Posts: 4175

My wife's clematis is withered, despite keeping it nice and moist and paying constant attention to it. I know that with proper stimulation it should begin to grow and get full and wet.

She seems to think the problem may be with my seed being defective or deficient in some way, but I doubt that.

Can someone give advice on how to properly stimulate a clematis, once you find it? I would post a picture of it, but I think she's depressed about it enough as it is.

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Registered: Apr 2002
Location: sitting in the waiting room
Posts: 622

what could boost a womans ego more then a fashion photo shoot!!...
you could dress up her clematis in new vogue outfits, show us all ...she'll be uplifted to a new point with the attention and praise we'll be giving her...

whats a clematis

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 12164

Is her clematis normally in full bloom?

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Registered: May 2002
Location: No. California
Posts: 4175

Yeah, it's huge! Big red swollen petals, flecked with dew and straining for maximum exposure.

Maybe it's just me.

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 12164

Maybe her soil is too alkaline. Did you check out her soil?

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Registered: May 2002
Location: No. California
Posts: 4175

Though I've often stuck my nose deeply between those sweet petals and deeply inhaled the musky scents, I am shy and haven't dared to go near her soil.

I try to be open-minded, but I just can't bring myself to do it or understand those who are fascinated by such things.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Boston, MA USA
Posts: 337

Gobs and Gobs of Fertilizer

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 7680

This whorticulture talk sickens me.

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Registered: May 2002
Location: No. California
Posts: 4175

"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

Dorothy Parker

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 16165

quote:

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Originally posted by Thimbles worth of opinion
This whorticulture talk sickens me.

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Hahahaha! Gawdammit. Stop it. I'm runnin' outta points, y'sumbitch!

Yep. Humour point.

Amen.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 16165

As fer you, Mr. Peter T-whorque, I'm not your steppin' stone. I'm a believer and daydream believer, as well, so me 'n Vallerie are taking the last train to Clarksville in hopes of attending a pleasant valley sunday.

Amen.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 7680

Point fwhore me! Yay!

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Registered: May 2002
Location: No. California
Posts: 4175

Thanks, JEB. A momentous accomplishment, losing my virginity to a suthun gentleman.

Hey! I've got points now! See?

Wanna touch 'em?

As for you, I'm glad you decided to Take a Giant Step, Papa Gene, you Sweet Young Thing. I'd like to Forget That Girl, but I Can't Get Her Off My Mind, For Pete's Sake Mr. Webster. And when love comes a-knockin', I'm gonna buy me a dog and name her Grizelda. Because it isn't my position that the people are intending, Mr. Dobbolina (Mr. BOB Dobbolina). We were Made For Each Other, though It's Hard To Believe.

The Poster

(That last one obscure enough for another point? Goddamn, I'm a point whore already...)

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Registered: May 2002
Location: Southern U.S.
Posts: 212

Maybe if she racked your tool it would help her relieve some of her depression and anxiety about the situation, and it might boost your sensitivity in that region?

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: I don't fukn' know!
Posts: 5137

I know what you need to do.

stop paying attention to the clematis as much as you can without letting it grow wild. after a few weeks, then you might try seeding it. I will bet that will give the soil enough time to regain it's moisture.

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Registered: May 2002
Location: Southern U.S.
Posts: 212

quote:

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Originally posted by Postmodgirl
I know what you need to do.

stop paying attention to the clematis as much as you can without letting it grow wild. after a few weeks, then you might try seeding it. I will bet that will give the soil enough time to regain it's moisture.

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I like your Jesus...What do you think of mine?

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: I don't fukn' know!
Posts: 5137

I think he needs a bath

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Registered: Nov 2000
Location:
Posts: 5131

This thread cracks me up.

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Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Hilbert Space
Posts: 35561

The clematis, like the female organism, is a myth.

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Registered: Nov 2000
Location:
Posts: 5131

Pssst...Smug....the female orgasm is not a myth. I saw one last night. twice. It's just a very shy and rare creature.....a bit messy sometimes too.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: NH
Posts: 6081

quote:

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Originally posted by BnB
Pssst...Smug....the female orgasm is not a myth. I saw one last night. twice. It's just a very shy and rare creature.....a bit messy sometimes too.

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Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Hilbert Space
Posts: 35561

When they are little, girls are told that Santa Claus will give them one.

Which would explain the bright red jacket and fake white beard in the back of D_I's car.

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Registered: Nov 2000
Location:
Posts: 5131

At the very least it explains why my SO gets hot when I wear red jockey's and cover myself in shaving cream.

I just thought she was weird.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 3030

quote:

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Originally posted by Smug Git
When they are little, girls are told that Santa Claus will give them one.

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That's why chicks dig guys with beards. And bellies. It's all about the belly. *nods

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