Registered: Aug 2000
Location: baton rouge, la
Posts: 4101

go.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Location Location
Posts: 26515

For those that don't know, I work at McDonald's. Yes, I am a 23 year old aspiring author, and I had to get a job at McDonald's. Actually, I don't mind it at all. I've discovered that by far the worst part of working at McDonald's is telling people "I work at McDonald's." But that's another thread.

Anyway, I was closing grill tonight and we were shorthanded so I also had to help with the lobby and bathrooms. The guy that washes dishes is also responsible for the trash. So I went into a bathroom, swept and mopped, and then grabbed the trashcan to bring back to him. He's this fat guy that really digs hunting (this is the extent of what I know about him). He's one of those out of shape guys that always walks around puffing out his chest (maybe you know the type).

Anyway, I grab the trashcan and walk back to where he is finishing up taking out the trash. For some reason, most of the trashcans have bags in them except the bathroom ones, which have to be cleaned out.

I walk up to him and outstretch the trashcan, after having peered in it very briefly.

"Shit," he says. Because the bathroom trash cans are always nasty.
"I am loathe to think why there are a pair of underwear in here," I say.
He cocks an eyebrow at this as he reaches for it, and says simply "Clean or dirty? Male or female?"
"You wish, fatboy," I say as I hand him the trashcan.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 16558

I already did. May 21st. Right here.

I'm too tired to tell another one.

Amen.

Registered: Apr 2002
Location: At Home
Posts: 4238

Very embarrassing personally, but hey....

When I was 12 I lived in Plettenberg Bay on the south coast of South Africa, it's a small seasonal tourist town and everyone there knows everyone's business. I was sitting on the beach with a bunch of friends enjoying the company of a nice 16 yr old girl who I fancied. Well I had my hand on her thigh (it had taken more than 20 mins to get there from her knee), and with a sideward glance at her, for compliance purposes, went in for the kill under her towel. I thought I was doing ok, but she was wriggling around a bit, and to my absolute horror she jumped up and yelled at me, "If you can't tell the difference between my ass and my pussy then fuck off!!!!". I died right there, and being the above mentioned small town, died each day there-after untill I left.

And people wonder why I'm so fucked up...

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Registered: Nov 2000
Location:
Posts: 5131

If that's true,
Then that's got my winning vote.

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Registered: May 2002
Location: No. California
Posts: 4175

C'mon, tell the truth:

You sniffed your fingers anyway.

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Registered: Apr 2002
Location: At Home
Posts: 4238

Not a word of a lie, I think you all should be priviledged, I have told few people.

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location: Denver
Posts: 2532

Ok, I've got one. Not sure if you've heard this one or not, but y'all have heard some of my stories before so ya know it's good.

Freshman year of highschool. Couldn't have been more than 4 weeks into the school year. I was in line to get my lunch from the little cafe we had in the school. Standing there, I noticed an ICEE machine, and thought to myself, 'Hey, that would taste really good today'. So as I approached the machine, I got myself an ICEE cup and lid. Started filling the cup (now for those of you who don't know how this works, you put the lid on first and then fill the cup). Well something must have caught my attention, cause the next thing I knew the cup had overflowed, and ICEE slush was spraying everywhere. In complete shock, I just stood there continuing to overfill the cup watching the slush fly onto the floor, the other people in the room, the food. It was everywhere. Must have stood like that for a couple minutes before I realized what had really just happened. At that point, I dropped the cup, and headed straight for the door. For the rest of the year, the ladies that worked in the cafe would watch me very closely every time I entered the cafe to make sure I wasn't going to try to get an ICEE.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: baton rouge, la
Posts: 4101

yeah, i've heard that one before. tell another to make up for it.

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location: Denver
Posts: 2532

Ok, took some time to think of another that you haven't heard, but I think I've found one.
I have no idea what year of highschool it was, but had to be sophmore or later cause it was after theater rehursal. Out front of my highschool, there's about 3 levels of stairs. One with maybe 5 steps, then one with a good 10, then another 5. I was leaving rehursal with all my friends, and decided I was gonna be cool and slide down the railing of the larger group of stairs. Now, I don't really think I have to finish the story as I'm sure you can all guess what happened. That's right, I got about half way down the rail and fell off. Landed flat on my face, and then continued to roll down the remaining stairs finally coming to a stop just before the last set of 5. I picked my bruised self up off the sidewalk, and turned to see everyone laughing. I myself probably chuckled at my own stupidity.

Better Logan?

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Registered: Nov 2000
Location:
Posts: 5131

This one time....at band camp.....

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Registered: Nov 2001
Location: Colorado
Posts: 157

Well mine is similiar to Venus'...she always takes my thunder...
Anyways it was after wrestling practice(I was a manager not a wrestler mommy and daddy said no). Well I had a crush on our 152lb wrestler and as I was waiting for my ride I saw him coming out the front doors. Standing there with my friend Jenn I decided to impress him by looking cool and sliding down the metal railing. Well instead of just falling off I flipped over backwards(feet over head). He walked by me just to let me know that feet work better on the sidewalk...but hey he knew my name.

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Registered: Nov 2000
Location:
Posts: 5131

Remind me to type up the "dope fire" story for ya sometime when I'm not at work.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: baton rouge, la
Posts: 4101

type up the "dope fire" story for me sometime when you're not at work.

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Registered: Nov 2000
Location:
Posts: 5131

Damn I almost forgot, thanks.

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Registered: May 2002
Location:
Posts: 133

Me and some friends were partying after one of those stupid high school dances. We had gotten a room at the marriot and we were boozin it up. One of my friends, we'll call him Bill, decided that he could drink an entire bottle of Jack by himself. After he puked it up and passed out we were pretty pissed at him. Not only did he waste alcohol, but we had to clean up his vomit. We decided to teach him a lesson.

We have this friend named Tex. He always wears cowboy boots. Don't ask me why, he just does. Anyway, we had him kick Bill in the ass about twenty times with those steel toed shit kickers. Then we went and found about a half dozen eggs, and let the clear yolk drain out of them, and down the back of Bill's pants.
When Bill woke up the next day, he couldn't remember what happened the night before. All he knew was that his ass throbbed and was covered in with a crusty substance. That's when we really started fucking with him. We all discretely winked at him, and patted his ass. No one came out and said anything, but we played it up like he had just been gang raped the night before.

We kept this up for a month. When we'd see him in the halls of school, we'd blow kisses to him, or whisper pet names in his ear. We finally told him it was all a joke when he had to get his stomach pumped after taking a lethal dosage of sleeping pills. I guess he couldn't handle it and tried to kill himself. We don't really talk much anymore.

Last edited by endless mike on 05-25-2002 at 05:26 AM

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: baton rouge, la
Posts: 4101

wow, is that Endless Mike from Pete and Pete or Endless Mike the punk band?

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location: Denver
Posts: 2532

I sure hope you didn't register just to post that story (not that it wasn't somewhat funny). Now, post yer cock!

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Registered: May 2002
Location:
Posts: 133

Pete is a tool and punk music makes my ears bleed.

I'll post my cock when I get my 100th post

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location: Denver
Posts: 2532

quote:

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Originally posted by endless mike

I'll post my cock when I get my 100th post

---

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Registered: May 2002
Location:
Posts: 133

3 words for you

Free Cheesy Bread

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: baton rouge, la
Posts: 4101

three words for you

it's not contagious

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location:
Posts: 1925

when i went to australia, i touched a koalas bum. then i got told i had to wash my hands or else i would get chlamydia.

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Registered: Dec 2000
Location:
Posts: 1800

My kidney infection is back.

Ha Ha Laugh at Heather! She might actually die now!

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona
Posts: 19384