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Lightbulb
Blarg. I'm dead.
Registered: Jan 2001
Location:
Posts: 1163 |
Kill Me!
Kill Me!
Or maybe not...
Following this thread, I thought it might be fun to let a bunch of people I've never met endanger my life my selecting what I should take with me for a few nights trip into the mountains.
I already know that Wonder will scoff at any more gear than a hunting knife, some salt and pepper and a zimmer-frame repair kit.
Here's what you know: it's summer, it's the mountain, there are rivers nearby. Legally, fishing is prohibited but what the eye doesn't see ... also making fires is prohibited, and ecologically unsound, unless you know how to do it properly and discreetly, which I do - but I only do it in emergencies.
Here's what I usually take:
The clothes I am standing in. Emergency raincoat. Sleeping bag. Small tent. Knife. Torch & spare batteries. Some lighters. 2 plastic water bottles. An itty bitty pan. An itty bitty stove. Some dried couscous, a sausage, some cheese, multivitamins. Emergency water filter. It looks like a straw. Minimal first aid.
Here's your choice of gear:
3 season one man tent.
3 season synth sleeping bag.
1-1&1/2 season synth sleeping bag.
Sleeping bag liner.
Thin air mattress.
Big fat hunting knife.
Little folding knife.
Swollen Swiss Army knife.
Esbit stove (folding) + fuel. (large)
Esbit stove (folding) + fuel (small)
LED torch with spare AAA batteries.
Incandescent torch with spare AA batteries.
LED card torch.
Disposable lighters.
Aluminium shavings fire starter.
Pump activated water filter.
Regular gravity based water filter.
Emergency water filter.
Water purifying tablets.
Any number of water bottles.
Compass.
Map.
A good book.
Select any of the above list you believe I'll need, then I'll take the most voted for items. You can also vote for 'nothing' or add something you think I'll need (i.e. folding boat, laptop, chewing gum, japscat). My ridicule is in your hands.
Seriously, though, I'd be interesting in the more experienced amongst you paring things down.
And Wonder, there are no edible cacti up where I'm going.
Send me to my death! I'll let you know what happened. Think of it like dressing a Ken doll. You have a week from today.
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07-31-2002 06:35 PM |
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Aydin
Rice King
Registered: Jul 2001
Location: China
Posts: 11795 |
Oh, and a USGS map of the area. They're about $7 or 8 and are really useful.
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07-31-2002 06:45 PM |
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J E B Stuart
Administrator
Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 16558 |
Re: Kill Me!
quote:
Originally posted by Lightbulb
. . . Send me to my death! I'll let you know what happened. . . .
Hahaha! Humour point.
Now. With our li'l awards ceremony outta th'way, my suggestion for you has to do with what you should leave behind. Specifically, I suggest leaving some locks of your hair, or some other body tissues, with a person you trust so that investigators will have some of your DNA. This will come in handy when they begin doing DNA sampling of bear scat to determine your fate.
Amen.
__________________
"Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master." ~ George Washington
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07-31-2002 06:50 PM |
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quins
Is it 2008 yet?
Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1170 |
you forgot to pack the booze!!!
__________________
My favorite card is the Jack of Daniels
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07-31-2002 07:47 PM |
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Lightbulb
Blarg. I'm dead.
Registered: Jan 2001
Location:
Posts: 1163 |
Bear scat .. now there's an interesting porn site waiting to be developed...
And booze, quins ... why do you think I'm trying to cut down on everything else? Hefting a keg up a mountain is no easy matter.
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07-31-2002 09:52 PM |
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rodney
Hates airplanes.
Registered: Jul 2001
Location: Little Rock.
Posts: 2624 |
Just take the clothes on your back, you can do it.
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The Troll thought of it first.
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07-31-2002 11:02 PM |
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mudded
Too drunk to fish
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: is futile
Posts: 5098 |
Bring Andy Rooney and a .50 desert eagle that way you will have entertainment, food and leverage all at once.
and a pez-dispenser of course
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Sticks and stones may break my bones... - But whips and chains excite me.
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07-31-2002 11:38 PM |
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Fiend
batshit crazy
Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Bangor, ME
Posts: 10218 |
Go out naked and hunt. After you kill an animal with your bare hands, wear only its furs to clothe yourself. Craft tools from its bones and immerse yourself in your feral animalistic nature.
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08-01-2002 12:41 AM |
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bunkum
Sanditon
Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 4501 |
Re: Kill Me!
quote:
Originally posted by Lightbulb
Kill Me!
The clothes I am standing in. Emergency raincoat. Sleeping bag. Small tent. Knife. Torch & spare batteries. Some lighters. 2 plastic water bottles. An itty bitty pan. An itty bitty stove. Some dried couscous, a sausage, some cheese, multivitamins. Emergency water filter. It looks like a straw. Minimal first aid.
Here's your choice of gear:
Swollen Swiss Army knife.
Esbit stove (folding) + fuel (small)
LED torch with spare AAA batteries.
....with spare AA batteries.
Disposable lighters.
Aluminium shavings fire starter.
Pump activated water filter.
Regular gravity based water filter.
Water purifying tablets.
Any number of water bottles.
Compass.
Map.
A good book.
Ok, you didn't tell us anything about the pack you're carrying, how far you'll be hiking to the designated spot, nor how much you're able to bear over certain distances. I'll assume the best, for the sake of your ego.
If you're in the mountains, I would take what you listed as normal, plus the above list. Substitute a notebook for a good book. Throw in an apple or two. And for fuck's sake, pack a spare pair of socks at least. And if you're bringing a woman with you, have the courtesy to stash spare underwear. She should do likewise. In fact, if the woman's coming along, tell her to bring baking soda and kosher salt for hygeine. Women smell fucking nasty.
(kosher salt makes for a good scalp scrub to get rid of some of the oil and smell...baking soda makes a decent cleansing paste)
I've rarely used my tent...usually just slept under the sky with a wool blanket, but I don't live near the mountains and am unsure as to what you should do, really.
__________________
"Good God! What kind of hallucinogen leaves you high enough to be blissfully unaware of a genital amputation but lucid enough to grease up a pan and cook up a wiener? "
--pervscan.com
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08-01-2002 01:24 AM |
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buddha's penis
mourning wood
Registered: Apr 2001
Location: 0.50
Posts: 9355 |
scrubbing your genitals with kosher salt? that sounds like crazy-baptist-mom torture for growing breasts too soon.
irrelevantly yours,
buddha's penis
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08-01-2002 01:27 AM |
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Nutrimentia
plata o plomo
Registered: Sep 2000
Location: The Bottom of the Toyem Pole
Posts: 9475 |
Re: Kill Me!
quote:
Originally posted by Lightbulb
Here's what I usually take:
The clothes I am standing in. Emergency raincoat. Sleeping bag. Small tent. Knife. Torch & spare batteries. Some lighters. 2 plastic water bottles. An itty bitty pan. An itty bitty stove. Some dried couscous, a sausage, some cheese, multivitamins. Emergency water filter. It looks like a straw. Minimal first aid.
Here's your choice of gear:
3 season one man tent.
3 season synth sleeping bag.
1-1&1/2 season synth sleeping bag.
Sleeping bag liner.
Thin air mattress.
Big fat hunting knife.
Little folding knife.
Swollen Swiss Army knife.
Esbit stove (folding) + fuel. (large)
Esbit stove (folding) + fuel (small)
LED torch with spare AAA batteries.
Incandescent torch with spare AA batteries.
LED card torch.
Disposable lighters.
Aluminium shavings fire starter.
Pump activated water filter.
Regular gravity based water filter.
Emergency water filter.
Water purifying tablets.
Any number of water bottles.
Compass.
Map.
A good book.
disclaimer: Even though I am from rural idaho, I am embarassing unexperienced when it comes to camping and living off the land. I've been camping plenty of times, but mostly the kind of camping where you load up a pickup with a bunch of shit, drive up the river an hour or so, then drive off the road and search for a clearing to setup base camp in. I've done a little backpacking with Dad as a kid, but he didn't explicit teach (or maybe I just didn't pay attention to) any rules about how to inspect a sutiatble campground. I did read a lot of Pat McManus though, so I think I am qualified enough to get you into a fair predicament.
I am not sure if you are asking us to pack your whole kit or not. I think your standard pack sounds good. You want the tent, the appropriate slleeping bag (I dunno the temps you will be dealing with, but the heavier bags prolly aren't needed), water filter/ purifier, stove and food. Sorry I can't give you more specifics. I'd bring both big and small knives, or a small swiss knife and a small hatchet. Matches and a mirror are good too.
If I was going, I would follow bunkum's suggestion and bring a pad and pen. I would also bring a camera and maybe a little baggie of mushrooms, but that's just me.
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08-01-2002 02:47 AM |
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!
Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 12164 |
If you can, take a Marriott Hotel with you.
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08-01-2002 06:34 AM |
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WastedPotential
sociotard
Registered: Aug 2000
Location: the heart of an awl
Posts: 3692 |
Re: Re: Kill Me!
quote:
Originally posted by J E B Stuart
This will come in handy when they begin doing DNA sampling of bear scat to determine your fate.
Amen.
i know a guy that DNA tests bear scat for a living. his analyses have condemned guilty bears.
i don't know if i could handle that responsibility.
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08-01-2002 06:41 AM |
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Mordecai
destractivegodofdarkness
Registered: Jan 2001
Location: Denver
Posts: 19813 |
Re: Kill Me!
quote:
Originally posted by Lightbulb
Big fat hunting knife.
Swollen Swiss Army knife.
Esbit stove (folding) + fuel (small)
LED torch with spare AAA batteries.
LED card torch.
Disposable lighters.(1)
Emergency water filter.
Water purifying tablets.
Any number of water bottles.(1)
A good book.
And there you have it, I threw in the stove simply because you said making fires is prohibited, otherwise, I'd leave that out.
-m
__________________
Exercise caution when the drug enforcement agent gets breast enhancement surgery
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08-01-2002 06:50 AM |
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J E B Stuart
Administrator
Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 16558 |
Re: Re: Kill Me!
quote:
Originally posted by Nutrimentia
. . .If I was going, I would . . . bring a pad and pen. I would also bring a camera and maybe a little baggie of mushrooms . . . .
Especially you . . . don't forget to leave some DNA behind.
bearscat a la nute with mushrooms
Amen.
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08-01-2002 06:52 AM |
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!
Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 12164 |
I had my DNA tested just last week. I had a lot of "D", and tons of "A", but NO "N"!!!
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08-01-2002 06:55 AM |
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J E B Stuart
Administrator
Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 16558 |
Re: Re: Re: Kill Me!
quote:
Originally posted by WastedPotential
i know a guy that DNA tests bear scat for a living. his analyses have condemned guilty bears.
i don't know if i could handle that responsibility.
No shit, sherlock. I went to Glacier National Park a coupla years or so ago. While there, I read a story about a missing hiker subsequently confirmed dead through DNA identification in a sow's scat. The sow and her two cubs had to be destroyed.
Amen.
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08-01-2002 06:56 AM |
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!
Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 12164 |
Re: Re: Re: Re: Kill Me!
quote:
Originally posted by J E B Stuart
No shit, sherlock. I went to Glacier National Park a coupla years or so ago. While there, I read a story about a missing hiker subsequently confirmed dead through DNA identification in a sow's scat. The sow and her two cubs had to be destroyed.
Amen.
The lesson in all of this is that if you go hiking, don't go missing!
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08-01-2002 06:57 AM |
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J E B Stuart
Administrator
Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 16558 |
quote:
Originally posted by GoFuckYourselves!
I had my DNA tested just last week. I had a lot of "D", and tons of "A", but NO "N"!!!
That wasn't a DNA test, ya knucklehead. That wuz yer weekly worm check. Did the vet giveya a clean billa health this time?
Amen.
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08-01-2002 06:59 AM |
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!
Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 12164 |
quote:
Originally posted by J E B Stuart
That wasn't a DNA test, ya knucklehead. That wuz yer weekly worm check. Did the vet giveya a clean billa health this time?
Amen.
Here's where I screwed up. I was reading about Martin Luther and the Diet of Worms.
I figured... if it's good enough for Martin Luther, then I can go on that diet also!
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08-01-2002 07:04 AM |
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J E B Stuart
Administrator
Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 16558 |
quote:
Originally posted by GoFuckYourselves!
Here's where I screwed up. I was reading about Martin Luther and the Diet of Worms. I figured... if it's good enough for Martin Luther, then I can go on that diet also!
We may very well be spreading the vile seeds of the groanlicoccus bacteria, tonight. AsylumNation may have to be . . . quarantined!
Could the groanlibola virus be next? Say it ain't so.
Amen.
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08-01-2002 07:11 AM |
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