Registered: Jul 2001
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 4678

This is a thread all about the nasty things you do to the noobs.

Anywhere in your life.

Rookies at work, new people you friends introduce you to, and people who are just so damn clueless you can't resist tweaking them a bit.

Here are a couple of examples.

All the greenhorns on the ship get seasick their first time out. It's the old hands's job to expedite the process as much as possible. One of the easiest ways to do this is to send them on the bridge to make reports on the clinometer, which is basically a bubble in a bunch of fluid, like a level, that slides left and right as the ship rolls. If the the "barfometer" doesn't make them puke, or if bridge access is denied, then you can just tie a string to a weight and hang it in front of them...works every time.

We had one guy check on board who wanted to learn how to play a Bosun's Pipe, which is basically a sort of whistle that they use for playing calls around the ship when they don't want to use the intercom. We told him to lay down to the Engineering Control Room and offer to "Blow the EOOW," the Engineering Officer of the Watch, who at the time was a 35-year-old Chief. "Your berthing or mine?" he asks.

I have more but I don't feel like typing them at the moment...

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Registered: Jul 2001
Location: NYC
Posts: 11769

I don't get it.

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Registered: Jan 2002
Location: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Posts: 1055

I actually had it happen to me when I moved to Edmonton. I'm living with my cousin who is only 10 months older than me, so I've been hanging out with all of her friends. (Well, Now I've adopted them and they're my friends.) Anyway, the called me up one night and told me to get dressed up because we were going to some flashy club for one of the girls' birthday. I dresssed up nice (for me), and we headed out. They hadn't bothered to tell me that it was a gay club. They were laughing their asses off when guys started grinding up on me on the dance floor out of nowhere. It kinda backfired though, because I didn't pay for any drinks all night. I know I'm straight, but they didn't have to.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 5526

quote:

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Originally posted by Tak
I don't get it.

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Registered: Jul 2001
Location: NYC
Posts: 11769

I mean the blow the EOOW or whatever.

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Registered: Jul 2001
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 4678

Tak, "EOOW" is pronounced "Eeyow." The guy goes down to engineering and offers to suck the Engineering Officer's wang because we told him "blowing the eeyow" was the same as learning to play the bosun's pipes.

Actually, "playing the bosun pipe" sounds kind of dirty when I think about it...

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 5526

quote:

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Originally posted by squee
Tak, "EOOW" is pronounced "Eeyow." The guy goes down to engineering and offers to suck the Engineering Officer's wang because we told him "blowing the eeyow" was the same as learning to play the bosun's pipes.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 5526

That's what I thought.

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Registered: Jul 2001
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 4678

Well, he was pretty savvy. I doubt you'd get much by him. Not like that guy we had crank down the mast...

Ok. Here's how it goes. This guy checks on board just before an underway. We go out, and on the way into some harbor we have to go under this bridge. If you ever look at the mast on a warship it looks like a big accordian-style metal latticework--it doesn't "fold down" but from a distance it looksl like it could.

So. We get this guy and we're like "Hey, we gotta go crank down the mast so we'll fit under that bridge." He has no idea it's a drawbridge. But anyway. We take him out to the boat deck where the Captain's Gig is held. There's a rheostat for the exterior lights there. We have this guy repeatedly turning the knob trying to get the mast to crank down, which of course doesn't happen.

So we're all "Oh shit! It must be shorted out. Run down to the DC shop and get a crank." So he comes back 15 minutes later with a crank. I dunno where he got it. I think he took it off the can opener in the galley. Anyway. He comes back with a round crack, but the manual release on the boat davit is square...and he's all "OMG! It's the wrong shape!" but we're all "YOU BETTER CRANK THAT FUCKER!" so he puts his hand over the crank and starts turning it...

Pretty soon we have him stop and send him to the bridge. He goes running up there and yells "WHERE THE HELL IS THE DAMN CAPTAIN?"

The CO is sitting right there. He goes "What? What is it, son?!" to which he replies "I CAN'T CRANK DOWN THE FUCKING MAST!"

To which the XO replies "WELL YOU BETTER FUCKING DO IT BECAUSE WE CAN'T FUCKING STOP!!!" -- the entire bridge crew breaks out laughing. Our boy looks around for a second, and then tosses off a "FUCK ALL YOU GUYS!" and storms off the bridge.

Man, I was laughing so hard I nearly peed myself...

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