Registered: Oct 2000
Location:
Posts: 9670

Limerick competition

There was a young man from Newcastle.
Who wrapped a turd up in a parcel.
He sent it by post,
to a poof on the coast,
to show him the size of his asshole.

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Registered: Apr 2002
Location: At Home
Posts: 4371

A computer is usefull in chat
except when controlled by a twat
the jargon it spews
full of bullshit opinions and views
and pictures of puffy and scat

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Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Johnson City TN
Posts: 91

nice one Fuk

Jeremy Sword is from Tennessee.
Takes alot of shit from you and me.
He has skills and finesse,
He just can't stop his Dance, Dance.
So leave him be with his foot work aflee,
Let him remain Jeremy Sword from Tennessee.


I once had a girl with 3 tits.
I sucked and grabbed and nibbled a bit,
Then she said, "move to the clit."
and I began to lick at it...
I then told her it was her turn for a while.
and she got on her knees with a smile.
With cock in mouth, she began to suck,
I then pushed her over and began to fuck.
And, when at that stage of climactic joy,
I spewed a load on my three tited toy.
She rubbed it in on the sheets where she lay.
laughed and said, "Is this when I get paid?"


those are some mole_man originals.

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: Zion
Posts: 4594

There was a young lady named Sue
Who I follow, stock and want to "do"
So I went to her place
She done hit me with mace
Does "restraining order" mean I love you?

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Registered: May 2002
Location: No. California
Posts: 4175

J E B Stuart says; "sometimes I'm quite fickle,
When I've been with Bro. Geo. Dickel.
And then moving the mule
Takes a gun, as a rule,
And if that don't work, then this brick'll!"

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Registered: Dec 2001
Location: Baton Rouge
Posts: 1581

Euphorbia's quote-"brain" is but one cell small,
To speak with her is as if with a wall,
She's never a thought,
Euthanasia she ought -
Do Earth a favor and die, that's all.


Luv ya U4b.

Leaky.

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: Denver
Posts: 20603

Cruise, it is 'stalk', not 'stock'.

-m

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: Zion
Posts: 4594

quote:

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Originally posted by Mordecai
Cruise, it is 'stalk', not 'stock'.

-m

---

Perhaps I'm making soup, Grammar Nazi

I'm claiming artistic license.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1170

im going to cum on your face
then leave without a trace
my jizz will hit your eye
it will burn it will fry
it will feel like a can of mace

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Registered: May 2002
Location: No. California
Posts: 4175

quins tried to write limericks humorous,
But he made mistakes far too numerous,
The rhymes were insidious,
The meter quite hideous,
And the idea was simply buffoonerous.

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location:
Posts: 17517

quote:

---

Originally posted by greenleakynipples
Euphorbia's quote-"brain" is but one cell small,
To speak with her is as if with a wall,
She's never a thought,
Euthanasia she ought -
Do Earth a favor and die, that's all.


Luv ya U4b.

Leaky.

---

Last edited by euphorbia on 09-04-2002 at 03:49 AM

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Registered: Sep 2002
Location:
Posts: 14

There was a man from Peru
Who fell asleep in a canoe
He dreamed of Venus
Played with his penis
And in the morning was covered with man love.

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Registered: Sep 2002
Location:
Posts: 14

I once rubbed to Stile
Obviously I was in denile
Cuz he is a cock
And definitely does not rock
I hope he chokes on his own bile.

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Registered: Dec 2001
Location: Baton Rouge
Posts: 1581

quote:

---

Originally posted by euphorbia

wow, that came from no where.

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It's not personal - I wrote that one back in 1996 about my sister, but wanted to adapt it for this setting when I posted it here. I tried to think of someone just about as opposite, politically, to me as possible. You were the first to come to mind. "HELL" didn't fit the meter.

Asimov had some nice limmericks:

"Symmetry"
To moralists, sex is a sin,
Yet nature suggests we begin.
She arranged it, no doubt,
That a fellow juts out
In the place where a damsel juts in.

"Standing ovation"
There was a young woman named Dawes
Whose costume was made all of gauze.
When they turned on the light
Behind her one night,
All the fellows broke into applause.

"The Round Table"
There once was a great knight named Sir Lancelot
Who place Queen Guinevere in a trance a lot.
But what bothered the King
Was: he managed the thing
By serenely removing his pants a lot.

"A Fuller Explanation of Original Sin"
In the innocent primeval sea
Terra's cells lived quite singly - and free
From all risk of perdition
Since they used only fission
Reproducing - but suffered ennui.

Some adventurous cells said, "We'll grow -
Not alone, though, for that's status quo.
Let's become he and she,
Multicellularly -
So hold on to each other - let's go!"

The together they clung, grew complex.
Fully half went concave, half convex;
And it all proved complete
When each came into heat
And announced the invention of sex.


Hope you all like Asimov.

leaky.

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location:
Posts: 9670

quote:

---

Originally posted by KCl
There was a man from Peru
Who fell asleep in a canoe
He dreamed of Venus
Played with his penis
And in the morning was covered with man love.

---

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: Denver
Posts: 20603

Asimov is a minor deity.

-m

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location:
Posts: 9670

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mordecai
Asimov is a minor deity.

-m

---

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Registered: May 2002
Location: No. California
Posts: 4175

Every other verse in Billy Joel's "Piano Man" is a Limerick:

He says, "Son can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet
And I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes" ...

...Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke
or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be ...

...And the piano sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar
and put bread in my jar
And say "Man what are you doing here?" ... etc.

Dining at SPQR in NYC one night, the Pianist started playing that song. When he got to that verse I walked over and dropped a dinner roll (with a dollar sticking out of it) into his jar and said; "man, what are you doing here?"

He started laughing and had to do the "la da di di da..." part through the rest of the song. He came over to our table afterwards and I told him about the limerick thing. He said he'd never noticed.

I told him I'd give him five bucks to do the song again with dirty limericks replacing the relevent ones. What a fucking riot. Here we were in this fancy-ass restaurant, and he's singing; "John at the bar's from Nantucket..."

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Registered: Sep 2002
Location:
Posts: 14

Shouldnt that be...

There was a man from Peru
Who fell asleep in a canoe
He dreamt of Venus
Who played with his penis
And woke up all covered in goo.

copyright infringement you see.

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