Registered: Aug 2000
Location: the heart of an awl
Posts: 3691

lousy dialogue

Last night, about 9:30, on the way home from work, I stopped to pick up some breakfast cereal for dinner. I was kind of tired and dazed from the head cold that's been going around. The dialogue at the checkout struck me as ridiculous. I felt like I was in a shitty movie.

Checker: Your total is $9.xx

I hand the checker a twenty dollar bill.

Checker: Hey! You poked his eye out!

She holds it up. Andrew Jackson has a hexagonal-shaped hole right in his eye. Confused, I reach into my pocket. I produce a pencil stub from my pocket. It's a match.

Me: It was an accident.
Checker: That's not very nice! How would you like it if someone poked your eye out?
Me: I... I wouldn't...
Boxboy: Hey, Sasha, he's flesh and blood. That money's made of cellulose. Last time I checked, cellulose didn't have an immune system! *snorts*
Me: It's Andrew Jackson. He's tough, he'll walk it off. They didn't call him Old Hickory for nothing.
Boxboy: You have a nice night! Man, I said it too early again...

Checker hands me my change.

Checker: Old Hickory?
Me: He had a drooling problem, too. He used to get in fights all the time.
Boxboy: You have a nice night!

Then I took my cereal and walked out. There were overturned shopping carts spread all over the parking lot. Two guys with a steam cleaner were spraying them off. Some kind of second rate David Lynch thing. Driving away, I kept trying to rationalize poking Andrew Jackson's eye out. I mean, he killed a pregnant lady's husband in a duel. He had a genocidal indian policy. And he was downright ruthless in the Battle of Orleans. Maybe he kind of deserved getting poked in the eye with a pencil, dammit.

Andrew Jackson also got smacked in the head with a sword by a British soldier when he was a kid. It got all infected and they thought he was going to die, but he walked it off, you know. Tough kid.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Location Location
Posts: 26383

Trolling trolling trolling, keep on topic trolling....

For some reason, as a coniseur of great dialouge, this struck me as excessivly funny. I dunno. I can just picture it so fucking well.

I may save this to something and use it in a movie sometime. Great shit.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: A New England
Posts: 9166

True, very funny.

This one's a keeper.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Nanaimo BC, Canada
Posts: 1525

Heh, should've happened in Clerks.

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Anger=Red

"Every evening I died and every evening I was born again. Resurrected."

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Bangor, ME
Posts: 10153

hahahhah

that is something that i can vividly picure in my mind

back to the top!!!

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beatrice, Nebraska
Posts: 18490

Man, if you want horrible dialouge, and monologue for that, play any Resident Evil game.

"I hope this isn't (pause) Chris' blood."

Wesker: "No, don't open that door."
Jill: "But Chris is . . ."
(big pause)
(gun shots)

Jill: "Am I . . . poison?"

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No one in the world ever gets what they want, and that is beautiful. Everybody dies frustrated and sad, and that is beautiful.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: NJ
Posts: 2300

that should be the dialog of the first Asylum Comic Strip, WP.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: the heart of an awl
Posts: 3691

late night trips to the grocery store always end up like that, though.

I was in line one time behind a guy that had two 40's, a bottle of iced tea, and a home pregnancy test. You could just read his plan: If the stick stays white, we share 40's. If the stick turns blue, she can have the tea. I'm going to need both 40z.

And then one time we struck up a conversation with this really drunk kid who started shouting, "I DON'T buy the white man's bible, and I WON'T buy the white man's produce!" He was, of course, as caucasian as they come.

The checker at that store didn't blink twice, though, the night I came in at 3 AM and bought a box of fish sticks, a bottle of Yoo-Hoo, and a child's latex monkey mask.

I love my neighborhood.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: WASP's nest.
Posts: 421

quote:

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Originally posted by Freelance:
Heh, should've happened in Clerks.

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