Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Erehwon
Posts: 7537

Things I hate about americans

Okay - i am not normally one for anti-us shit or anything like that - i just thought this was funny

[*]Enter-fucking-tainment Tonight.
[*]Every american movie starts with a view of one of your bloody cities.
[*]Every 2nd movie contains the american national anthem.
[*]American Pie, American Beauty, American Psycho, American History X. "Oooh let's watch it! It's American!". Go to www.imdb.com and type "america".
[*]UFOs only ever land in america.
[*]Your president is just a popularity contest.
[*]Every week you commemorate a national tragedy.
[*]Every program that points out America's problems/mistakes, is required by law to end with "But where still the best god damn country in the world!".
[*]"Go ricki!, Go ricki!, Go Ricki!"
[*]Just because your a "world power" doesn't mean we should know how many states you have.
[*]Not everything was invented in America, despite what you may think.
[*]You didn't even invent "The millionaire show", yet ET love showing "Look at all the other millionaire shows around the world!".
[*]Your questions on that show are too bloody easy.
[*]Fucking Infomercials. Do you expect us to believe those "satisfied customers" aren't reading a script?
[*]You seem to have a doctor/university lecturer that will endorse any fitness product.
[*]Whenever someone becomes famous they say "I just want to go back to how my life was before all the photographers chased me!", then a month later, they're nude in playboy.
[*]Vietnam.. Yes you fucked up! Enough movies about it!
[*]The Teen show formula (Just throw all elements in)


[*]prom queen
[*]home coming
[*]cheerleaders
[*]thanksgiving
[*]spring break
[*]star quarter back
[*]college guys
[*]nerds
[*]frat party
[*]dorm
[*]college
[*]shit team that loses all the time win a game
[*]jocks are dirty
[*]food fights in the cafeteria
[*]grade point average
[*]good grades for good college
[*]dating
[*]making out behind the bleachers
[*]going steady
[/list]
[*]Ally McFuckingBeal.
[*]Clueless is too close to reality to be funny.
[*]Why the fuck doesn't america have a country code? "We invented the internet, so we don't need one!" Puhlease.
[*]It's spelt C-O-M, not C-A-R-M. eeeBay dot carm.
[*]AOL is designed for beings with the intelligence of a smart ape.
[*]The American flag isn't alive. Even if it were, it probably wouldn't even care if madonna danced in front of it.
[*]Rap should be spelt with a C in front of it.
[*]Those stupid basketball movies where the last shot is taken in slow motion on the buzzer.
[*]American TV shows like to invent fake eastern european countries with names like "The Republic of Flagrubistan" where they've only just discovered electricity and even the women have beards.
[*]Contrary to popular belief no one else cares about the 4th of July
celebrations.
[*]Dawsons Creek. They're up, they're down. They're with one person, then
with another. She loves Dawson, she hates Dawson. She loves him again, he
doesn't love her. She kisses a gay guy. She wants Dawson. They both want
each other. They both hate each other. She wants pacey, but secretly wants
Dawson. He wants to fuck Jen. She doesn't want to fuck him. They break up
and she fucks everyone. Pacey fucks his teacher. His teacher fucks off.
Pacey wants Andy. Andy wants pacey. They fuck. She goes to a mental
hospital. She fucks another patient...and on and on. It would all be so much
easier if they'd just have a big orgy and all fuck each other, it would save
time and be a hell of a lot more interesting.
[*]Felicity. Just because every 3rd scene is in slow motion doesn't mean
the show is any more intelligent. The orgy principle applies here also.
[/list]

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a /\/\ i n a l

"KRACKK! goes the hymen"

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Delaware
Posts: 5704

Uh, aminal...you must be watching these shows to know so much about them. Actually, you know more than I do.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Essex, England
Posts: 4523

*clap* *clap*

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Just because I'm paranoid it doesn't mean that they aren't watching me!

No sugar thanks, I'm sweet enough already!

Orange does not rhyme with door hinge!

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Clevelaund Ohissy
Posts: 722

Dude, I think you really need to cut down on how much TV you watch.

Laughed my ass off though. But, I think your giving AOL way too much credit.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Erehwon
Posts: 7537

quote:

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Originally posted by Joeycat:
Uh, aminal...you must be watching these shows to know so much about them. Actually, you know more than I do.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: the corrupt West
Posts: 668

a few of those i found funny. whoever wrote that needs to stop watching so much network tv. although i learned alot about dawsons creek. i didn't realize there was so much fucking in it.

USA #1

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This Space For Rent.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Erehwon
Posts: 7537

quote:

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Originally posted by Mister Buddha:
although i learned alot about dawsons creek. i didn't realize there was so much fucking in it.

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yeah they are at it like rabbits - but you dont get to see it



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a /\/\ i n a l

"KRACKK! goes the hymen"

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 3102

heheheheh!
a couple of points to add.... aren't they all meant to be about 12 years old in dawsons creek?
and i also thought that smart apes would laff in the face of aol too...

hehe... slowmotion basketball on the buzzer! ha! that makes me chuckle

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: London Town
Posts: 240

Spot on Aminal.

I once had an arguement with a 17 yr old in Fort Laudadale (who cares how its spelt?) about the relative size of the US and the UK, he was convinced they were the same size.

stupid fucking bag ladies salty cunt bubble.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 1725

quote:

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Originally posted by The Stopper:

(who cares how its spelt?)

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 7236

quote:

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Originally posted by aminal:
Clueless is too close to reality to be funny.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: 54.60°N 5.70°W
Posts: 1950

quote:

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Originally posted by aminal:
Okay - i am not normally one for anti-us shit or anything like that

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: London Town
Posts: 240

quote:

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Originally posted by amerikanjunkie:

Bunkum, Method Dan, MstrG, Avondale, Shadow23

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 7236

Sorry Pan, I agree that some good TV comes out of America, like Star Trek, X Files, South Park, The Simpsons, etc. But as for sponging you are talking bollocks. We are producing far superior films than the US. Perhaps not in quantity but definitely in quality. I refer of course to the likes of:

Trainspotting
Nil By Mouth
Snatch (saw it Saturday fucking wicked)
Scum
Go
The Full Monty
Fever Pitch
When Saturday Comes
Human Traffic
The Acid House
Ravenous
Billy Elliott
Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Quadrophenia
The Italian Job
Made in Britain

We win more awards at the Cannes Film Festival than any american movies, and these are the wawards that matter, not the ones where Hollywood pats itself on the back if you know what I mean. Cannes is admired throughout the world, and we are leading along with other European, classy, film makers. We produce quality and art not sensationalism.

bring it on irishman


[This message has been edited by Spooky (edited 10-02-2000).]

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1170

quote:

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Originally posted by Pangloss:
all you yanks may go eat a dick.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Erehwon
Posts: 7537

quote:

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Originally posted by Pangloss:
Bashing Merikans?

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Ivory Tower, USA
Posts: 1485

You forgot that we're *all* fat.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: the corrupt West
Posts: 668

quote:

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Originally posted by Spooky:
Sorry Pan, I agree that some good TV comes out of America, like Star Trek, X Files, South Park, The Simpsons, etc. But as for sponging you are talking bollocks. We are producing far superior films than the US. Perhaps not in quantity but definitely in quality. I refer of course to the likes of:

Trainspotting
Nil By Mouth
Snatch (saw it Saturday fucking wicked)
Scum
Go
The Full Monty
Fever Pitch
When Saturday Comes
Human Traffic
The Acid House
Ravenous
Billy Elliott
Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Quadrophenia
The Italian Job
Made in Britain

We win more awards at the Cannes Film Festival than any american movies, and these are the wawards that matter, not the ones where Hollywood pats itself on the back if you know what I mean. Cannes is admired throughout the world, and we are leading along with other European, classy, film makers. We produce quality and art not sensationalism.

bring it on irishman


[This message has been edited by Spooky (edited 10-02-2000).]

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: 54.60°N 5.70°W
Posts: 1950

quote:

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Originally posted by Spooky:
We are producing far superior films than the US. Perhaps not in quantity but definitely in quality.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: the heart of an awl
Posts: 3691

Pangloss said:

quote:

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Practially everything about England is a USA clone today.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 7236

Don't call me a BRitish Bulldog. i am just making the point that we dfo make good movies, and don;t churn out that many. Quality over Quanitiy. As for the Nil by Mouth comment you obviously hav'nt seen it coz it based in South-East London no Up north. As for WRay Winstone he is not the main star of the film Gary Oldman is. As for Snatch you are wrong it is far better than Lock Stock, I own Lock Stock on video and have watched it once, I would watch Snatch again though. but still is somewhat a clone of it. As for GO I think you are wrong, but then are you into that scene. I never said that Full Monty was the best thing sionced sliced bread, I just said it was a good film. I am not trying to keep us like America or the 51st State. The leading State of the EU maybe but not of the US

As for Cannes you are talking bollocks. Cannes has far more ArtHouse cinema at it, (much of it English) that is superior. I do not deny that they 'pat each other on the back'. But the point with Cannes is that people beciom,e famous after it, with the Oscars you usually become famous before it.

[This message has been edited by Spooky (edited 10-02-2000).]

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 7236

quote:

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Originally posted by WastedPotential:
Except the Spice Girls. Thanks, UK, for exporting quality.

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I apologise for that. Now you say sorry for New Kids on the Block and Britney.

[This message has been edited by Spooky (edited 10-02-2000).]

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: London Town
Posts: 240

quote:

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Originally posted by Agoust:
You forgot that we're *all* fat.

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