Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Location Location
Posts: 26383

Am I Going To Hell?

Something I just mentioned in chat is that I used to smoke weed using pages of the bible.

Excuse me.

The Bible.

I swear, those little pages make fucking fantastic rolling papers. Just the right size and thickness.

You know those little New Testements that they give out on street corners and shit? When we would run out of rolling papers, we would use pages out of those instead. But we would always tear the page out, stand up, read the entire page solemnly, and only then roll it and smoke it and eat a bunch of cheetoes.

One night we got through half of Psalms and some of Revelations.

We would always move on to Revelations after we got pretty stoned, because Holy Fuck....Revelations, man.

What's the spiritual verdict on that one? I think, if God ever got me up to the Ole Pearly Gates, I could make a pretty good case for myself, at least on that particular count of blasphemy.

Of course, once he got to the part where I would impersonate a priest and screw little boys in confessionals, I would be pretty much fucked anyway, so I suppose it is a moot point.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Sep 2000
Location: NC/USA
Posts: 558

Sounds like hell material to me...

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona
Posts: 18823

I think you can pretty much count on spending the rest of eternity editing those booklets the 7th day Adventists hand out.
Add the fauxpriest thing in and you'll be editing bent over a desk with Mr. T slamming it to you while yelling,
"SHUT UP FOOL!!! YOU MISSED A WORD!! START OVER, PRETTY BOY!!!"

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 5526

Paint, darling, do not fret.

JoeyCat has the penthouse suite already reserved for herself in Hell, and she's set me with an apartment a really choice location.

Honestly, I can't wait. It's going to be the party of our ... afterlives...

Check with Joey, she has the right connections. She'll get you hooked up.

Bring that Bible with you. Sounds like it'll come in real handy.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: NH
Posts: 6081

You are gonna burn and bake for that one.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 3539

Should I add water to the soup?

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: baton rouge, la
Posts: 4101

... you aren't supposed to do that?

------------------
i'm undatable. hoorah, new word.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beatrice, Nebraska
Posts: 18490

Look at it like this, if God really loves you, you'll only spend half of eternity in Hell.

------------------
No one in the world ever gets what they want, and that is beautiful. Everybody dies frustrated and sad, and that is beautiful.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Delaware
Posts: 5704

Drop me a line when you think you're close. I'll arrange a lovely suite of rooms for you. Close to the other Asylum Inmates

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Bangor, ME
Posts: 10153

don't fret paint, i did the same thing many times

i hate running out of papers

im the mcgyver smoker i can make a bong or pipe out of anything

but your still going to hell

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: my mother's bloody womb
Posts: 7126

quote:

---

Originally posted by Paint CHiPs:


Of course, once he got to the part where I would impersonate a priest and screw little boys in confessionals, I would be pretty much fucked anyway, so I suppose it is a moot point.

---

uh...do you mean, "i used to impersonate priests and sit in confessionals to screw little boys", or do you mean "i used to impersonate a priest that would sit in confessionals and screw little boys"?

the english language, man. THAT's what's going to earn people time in hell. whoever invented it should be roasting nicely by now.
-------------

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: NJ
Posts: 2300

hey, maybe you'll get off easy. god could be like "hey, its original, and at least you read some of it. its better than leaving it in a hotel dresser"

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Sep 2000
Location: atlanta
Posts: 6346

I know somebody who smokes with bible pages too. He steals the bibles.

I think his soul is pretty much spoken for.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: my mother's bloody womb
Posts: 7126

hehe. every time i stay at a hotel, i steal the gideon bible as my souvenier. while the maid's counting the towels, robes, and ashtrays, i'm in my car, writing down the date and place of the new addition to my bible collection.

hey, it's better than those "all i got was a lousy t-shirt" t-shirts.

-------------

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: GA
Posts: 6953

i have never done that, and i never will.
im hispanic, and very superstitious.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Sep 2000
Location: 51N3, 114W3
Posts: 1071

Well, you are going to hell--we all are, no question--the question is whether hell is endothermic or exothermic?



------------------
would you mind if I stalked you?

[This message has been edited by scatmonkey (edited 10-05-2000).]

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged