karen
aging hipster
Registered: Jul 2000
Location: seattle-ish
Posts: 11406 |
How NOT to rob a music store(storytime with karen)
As most of you know, I work in a music store. The following events are a true story. 
Ok.
To keep this in perspective, Ill put the events in order:
Monday Morning 10:30am-
We've just opened and an obviously school-age child comes into the music store I work for. Hes about 4'11, skinny as hell, wearing a HUGE goose down BRIGHT ORANGE jacket.. And should be in school right now.
I glance at him, say hello, and decide not to nag him about being in school. Maybe hes just an ordinary kid skipping school(hey, I did it too). So I leave him alone, but watch him...as that big ass jacket may mean hes going to swipe something.
He wanders around in the porn section, asks me more than once about the new album by 50 cent. I tell him we're sold out(not that Id sell it to him anyway...have to be 17. you can skip school..but youre NOT gonna buy that album here. hehe).
First off. Two things:
1. If Im skipping school, planning on stealing something, etc; I am NOT going to draw attention to myself by asking questions about things repeatedly, and browsing in the porn section when I know I cant buy it.
2. For the same reasons, Im not going to wear a BRIGHT FUCKING ORANGE jacket.
Well, I get Duane(another manager) to watch the kid a little closer. He follows him around...always less than 3 steps away.
The kid gets frustrated and leaves.
5 MINUTES LATER:
Another kid comes in. A bit taller, but quite obviously the same age or close to the age of the other kid. Could even be(and is) his brother.
He wanders around the same areas as the other kid...looking up and around. Meanwhile, Im staring STRAIGHT at him, save for 2 minutes when Im with another customer. During this time, the kid starts walking out.
The alarm goes off. He looks surprised, but only pauses for a second. He starts to keep walking, but Ive excused myself from the other customer and follow the kid out of the door. He stops(!) right outside the building(instead of running away like he should have) and waits for me to catch up. I tell him to come inside for a minute. I put my head in the door and call for duane(I may be meaner than he is, but Duane is nearly 7ft tall. Much scarier).
The kid says to me that his cd player(in his pocket) is what set the alarm off, and then he turns to leave.
I tell him, "Come inside.".
He, for some fuck-forsaken reason, instead of running, complies.
Duane asks him what he stole. The kid repeats that it was his CD player, and pats his pocket.
Duane gets a little closer and tells him to just hand him the cds he stole before he calls the cops.
The kid pulls out a DESTINY'S CHILD REMIX CD(ahahahahahhaa!) and Duane lets him go. He tells him not to come back.
This is not the robbery I speak of, however....
TUESDAY MORNING, 4AM:
Im off of work for the day, so this is an account of what was told to me.
An employee of another store sees someone outside the music store with a hammer, a bike, and a bag of DVDs. The kid sees him. The guy drops everything(bike included) and runs.
The guy calls the police just as the alarm company does.
Duane is woken up at this ungodly hour by the alarm company, who tell him they're sending the police to see if the alarm going off is false or not.
He soon finds out it was a real robbery attempt. So, he dresses, calls Dustin(yet another manager) and tells Dustin to meet him there, and goes to the store.
They both get there, and THIS is what they see:
a. TWO broken doors(all glass doors..the opening of the store is a glass hallway enclosure.) If the robber had any sense, he would have stepped over to his right and broken in through the SINGLE pane of glass that seperates the street from the cash register area. Guess our crook likes doing things the hard way.
b. a small child's bicycle, and a clear trashbag with 10 Playboy(extremely softcore) DVDs contained within, and a hammer. Dustin tells me that one of the DVD titles was "The Women of Enron". hehe
c. a discarded SOCK in the middle of the floor. Apparently our thief couldnt afford gloves. Seriously, on the video, hes using the socks as gloves.
d. a perfectly intact security system, cameras, alarms, etc. Thief wasnt worried about the cameras, as we bring you to:
e. a smashed up ELECTRICITY METER on the outside of the building. According to police, the dumbass kid thought the meter(which electric company people use to find out how much electric youve used in a month, for billing purposes) WAS OUR SECURITY SYSTEM!! The dumb fuck took his sweet time walking in, getting the DVDs, and walking out...because he took care of that nasty security system when he was out back, by the dumpsters, where every store on earth MUST keep the main control box for their security cameras.
Needless to say, the cameras caught everything.
But our biggest surprise was.....
Our Genius Patron Saint of Thievery was the 4'11 puerto rican kid with the bright orange jacket.
No disguise, no pantyhose over the head.. just a scrawny little shit with socks on his hands, whose brother got busted by us less than 24 hours ago for shoplifting.
AND!
Hes still wearing the bright orange jacket.
Duane identifies him immediately, the cop apparently KNOWS the kid, and all is taken care of. They decide to wait until I come to work tomorrow to finalise everything and find the kid.
Wednesday Morning, 10am:
I come in to work, and a cop is there. He talks to Dustin for a few minutes and the cop leaves. I say "What was that about?" and Dustin tells me the whole crazy assed story. He also says that apparently, the kid broke into the music store acorss the street(in the same manner) last night.
The cop comes back 10 minutes later and has me identify the kid on the video. blah blah blah etc.
The kid is taken in, as well as his brother.
I could spend hours pointing out the sheer stupidity of every single move this kid made.
But at least now I have a funny story to tell. 
Report this post to a moderator |
IP: Logged
|
![[new thread]](/images/vb/button_newthread_off.png "Post New Thread")
![[post reply]](/images/vb/button_newreply_off.png "Post A Reply")
02-13-2003 12:46 AM
Attachment: 
