Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 3030

Very punny

l. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger".

2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into
low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot round the world.

3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to
Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of the two weevils.

4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit
a fire in the craft, it sank-proving, once and for all, that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

5. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's
Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

8. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He
sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

9. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of
them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Several years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

l0. The friars were behind on their belfry payments; so, they
opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone
liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good Fathers to close down, but they would not.

He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most
vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.

Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location:
Posts: 16671

it hurts

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taste the fucking rainbow

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location:
Posts: 1163

That was like being punched in the guts ten times in a row.

Or 'foreplay' as some people call it.

But go here, and try to detect the funny. Fractured minds fumbling words like thumbless cripples chasing the soap in an oil shower.

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