Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9788

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder. "You sign! You sign!"

Nelson says to him, "Look mate, you've obviously got the wrong guy. Sorry." and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, “You sign! You sign!"

Nelson is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Chinese man back, shouting: “Look, push off! You've got the wrong bloke! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting and late in the afternoon he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting "You sign! You sign!"

Behind him are two very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says: "You not Nissan Main dealer?"

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Registered: Apr 2002
Location: At Home
Posts: 4056

When Nelson was finally realeased from prison after 27 years Winne took him home for his first real taste of freedom.
As they lay quietly on the bed after a decent meal and a hot shower, Winnie turned to him and asked, "Why haven't you touched me yet, do you no longer lust after me?". To which Nelson replied, "My dear, it has been such a long time since I have done anything like this and am not sure if I still can.".
Winnie truned again to him and said with anticipation, "Do what come naturally to a proud balck man like yourself!"...

so Nelson jumped out of bed, beat her shitless, went downstairs, stole the TV before running down the road throwing stones at random cars and shop windows...

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9788

now that was uncalled for

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Registered: Apr 2002
Location: At Home
Posts: 4056

Whoosh!!!!

/in rushes the pc-police...

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9788

if we were in south africa and i was black, i'd shoot you in the face.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9788

and then steal your wallet...

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Registered: Apr 2002
Location: At Home
Posts: 4056

quote:

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Originally posted by urbanjunkie
if we were in south africa and i was black, i'd shoot you in the face.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9788

Whoosh!!!!

/insert smart remark here

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Registered: Apr 2002
Location: At Home
Posts: 4056

quote:

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Originally posted by urbanjunkie
Whoosh!!!!

/insert smart remark here

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona
Posts: 18823

quote:

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Originally posted by urbanjunkie
Nelson says to him, "Look mate, you've obviously got the wrong guy. Sorry." and shuts the door in his face.

Nelson is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Chinese man back, shouting: “Look, push off! You've got the wrong bloke! I don't want them!"

The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says: "You not Nissan Main dealer?"

---

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9788

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: London
Posts: 3008

quote:

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Originally posted by urbanjunkie

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9788

maybe you beat up on old men, but i gotta draw the line somewhere...

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: London
Posts: 3008

No.. only your mother when she don't make my enough money..

It's tough pimping an antique you know.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9788

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location:
Posts: 9140

Bawahahahaha

One IOU flaming point for Andy

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Playa d'en London
Posts: 9788

get a room

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location:
Posts: 9140

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade
class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced
an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of
whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor
while putting a worm into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm
in water could be. He then put the second worm into the
whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then
quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?"
the professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand
and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whiskey and you
won't get worms."

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location:
Posts: 9140

quote:

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Originally posted by urbanjunkie
get a room

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Registered: Jan 2002
Location: UK
Posts: 13002

Two South African policeman out on patrol and they both spot this black guy running along the street. One of the cops pulls out his gun and shoots the black guy straight in the head. His colleague turns to him and says 'Jesus mate you shot that kaffir (sp?) right dead! Why did you do that?' His mate turns to him, smokin gun in hand, and says 'Seven O'clock curfew int it mate!' 'But it's only Six O'clock!' says his colleague. He truns back to him and says 'Ah yes, but you see I knew where he lived and he would not have made it home in time'

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Registered: Apr 2002
Location: At Home
Posts: 4056

A South African petrol pump attendant (usually black) is on his way home, he lights up a cigarette forgetting that his over-alls are soaked in petrol from the days toil, his sleeve immediately catches fire and he goes screaming down the road in order to find help.
As a samaritan stops to help him a police car pulls over and a cop (usually Afrikaans & white) jumps out. He draws his weapon and shoots the pump-jockey stone dead. In horror the helpfull passerby screams, "That was horrible, how could you do such a thing??!!!" to which the policeman replies, "I have had about enough of Kaffers running around this country with fire-arms..."

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Registered: Jan 2002
Location: UK
Posts: 13002

Big South African black woman goes to visit her new doctor who is a white man. She says to the doctor, 'I have this terrible sore throat'. He says 'Ok take all your clothes off, get on your hands and knees anmd go over into that corner of the room please' She dutifully does this as the doctor watches her presumably pondering her throat problem. He then says 'ok can you go over to that corner of the room now' She does this and after a few moments says to the doctor 'what will this do for my sore throat?' He turns to her and says 'Oh nothing, I was just having a large leather sofa delivered later and I wanted to know where it would be best placed'

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location:
Posts: 9140

Three guys and a girl are marooned on a desert island. After one week, the girl is so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself.

After another week, the guys are so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury her.

After another week, they're so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her up again.

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Registered: Feb 2001
Location: Boston
Posts: 6561

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dacarlo
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade
class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced
an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of
whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor
while putting a worm into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm
in water could be. He then put the second worm into the
whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then
quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?"
the professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand
and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whiskey and you
won't get worms."

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