Registered: Jan 2002
Location: US
Posts: 3547

Whoring Yourself Proper

If you were a prostitute how much would cost by the hour? by the night? What are your selling qualities? And if you had to write a sex ad for your whoring, what would it say?

For Poor Example:

Looking for a shitty good time in the comfort of your own home or roach infested motel? Call Lulu the Diseased Whore now for all your carnal desires! This tot of a gal can fufill all your mucas, shit, piss, and spit fantasies for a very reasonable price. Bloody pussy offered monthly, chunky or colored shit cost extra, and sorry no CODs, oral sex, vaginal sex, or squeaking. Prices start at $230 a night, but haggling is encouraged. All forms of scat are warmly welcomed though, so call now! 972-555-SCAT


inspired by a wota convo

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: WDM, IA
Posts: 2963

Find something better to do with your time than dream about fantasy prostitution ads.

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beatrice, Nebraska
Posts: 18808

I figure I'd go at, like, five dollars a session on a really good night.

Advertisement for my man whoring:

Ladies! Are you in need of a less than adequate night on the town? How about a night of sex you'd much rather forget?

If you're looking for a night of emberassing sexual intercourse with an overweight white male then look no further than Social Parasite He-Pimp Enterprises!

Our expert team of He-Pimps will promptly take your call* and after a few simple questions our crack Humiliation Team will have a night of disaster lined up to fall well short of your expectations and desires.

So pick up that phone and call 1-402-223-3458.

"When all else fails and you can't even settle, call for the man who looks like a kettle!"

*Phone call costs $4.95/minute, minimum of one hour. Offer void in Utah. See stores for details.

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The pinnacle of Failbot technology.

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Registered: Jan 2002
Location: US
Posts: 3547

quote:

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Originally posted by The Wraith
Find something better to do with your time than dream about fantasy prostitution ads.

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: WDM, IA
Posts: 2963

If I'd thought you'd call, I would have.

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: London
Posts: 3041

I'll call you, and urinate on the phone while telling you how I'd like to split your skull with my new meat cleaver...

And I have no idea how many spelling errors there are in that.. It's too early.

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: WDM, IA
Posts: 2963

All that sweet talk still won't convince me to fuck you in the ass.

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: London
Posts: 3041

Spoil sport.

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Registered: Jan 2002
Location: Shreveport, LA
Posts: 3834

quote:

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Originally posted by CzEcH rEcK
I'll call you, and urinate on the phone while telling you how I'd like to split your skull with my new meat cleaver...

And I have no idea how many spelling errors there are in that.. It's too early.

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Registered: Jul 2001
Location: China
Posts: 11795

I charge $80 every time I squirt.

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: library
Posts: 19584

Czech is my favorite muscle-bound lummox. I just love that guy.

-m

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Registered: Nov 2001
Location: on the move
Posts: 1266

my rates would depend on the john (johnette?)
for example:
I will show my pecker to anyone who asks.
I will let most girls touch my pecker for free.
however, if a big fat man wants to smear shit on my back and pound me in the ass while watching buffy the vampire slayer re-runs through the whole ordeal.. well that will cost him some big bucks. (unless he has a cool nickname like 'mugtoe', then I will give him a cupon or something)

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Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.

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