Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 7113

College Undergrad Admissions Essay FUN

I don't want to give any background or explainations for this as, well, whatever great soul is entrusted with making sure people
like me don't get into college is not going to know much about me.

Prompt:

Write about someone that really affected you, changed who you are, or the way you see the world.

With that, it's my pleasure to introduce... some bad words:

It's freezing out. Just looking at the perfect white world sends a chill through my body. An amazing girl comes into sight; her beauty is the type that makes me immediately wonder who she is, and if I'll ever see her again. I try to will away the snow that distorts my view but am powerless. I consider loving this girl, and the chance of wedding her one day. She must be so cold inside, out there. I know I could warm her, if only for a few minutes, and that just might be enough.


I'm sitting in this cafe, in this town, in this state, and I'm looking out the window. She walks by, completely unaffected by the world around her that’s moving so quickly. I smile, completely affected by her and the world around her. She disappears with the snow, and when the snow continues only the snow remains. A chill of helplessness runs through me whenever I recall her. She’s my own personal ghost, though I know I’ll never glance upon her again outside of a dream or maybe a nightmare. So, with that in mind, I return to the worn pages of Great Expectations and it doesn't seem to matter all that much anymore.


In my bedroom I'm surrounded by my friends. I can summon Dante Alighieri with a turn of a page, and I know he'll never leave me. Leaving a world of penned characters an option, the book will always only be a shelf away. The Importance of Being Earnest isn't lost on me, while the biting wit of Voltaire is trapped in a stasis between two clever bookends. I break my fast on Mark Twain, and sometimes there's a hunger only Swift can sate. These books can't really replace her or the thousands of people who walk past me everyday, but at least I know they won't leave me. The characters never grow up, old, or at all. They don't move away and there's no chance of them being drafted into the military or forgetting about me. It's an incredible comfort, though I hear alcoholics talking about their drink in the same way.


It's a Tuesday, which means I'm reading to children at the library, each of them I try to warm with every word I speak. I know what purpose feels like, and it feels like Shel Silverstein and Maurice Sendak. The feeling of being warm after so long is incredible. I look into their eyes and with no snow in sight I cry. I go home, realizing that no matter what long-term good I've done, it's a worthwhile cause.



I realize, maybe I have always known, that the refuge my books provide is also a prison. In my desire to be safe I sacrificed freedom. Being hurt, feeling pain, crying, feeling love, or joy, and maybe making a worthwhile difference in someone’s life, these are things that can only be truly felt when experienced first hand, and not vicariously. There are risks, to be sure, and weighing the rewards against those risks is sometimes necessary to grow. It did take me a while to realize, however, that children aren't the only ones who need reading to, and I can't do all of the reading on my own. If I was to behold her image again, maybe outside of a warm café in early January, I think I might just leave the warmth for a moment to say “Hi”.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Dec 2002
Location:
Posts: 2573

If you give that in they will think you're a loony.
I thought it was profound but they are just interested in a psych evaluation. Think CV.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: A New England
Posts: 9166

It's so trite I can only read the first line of each paragraph before zoning out.

But what do I know, I never went to college. bunkum would be the one to critique.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: A New England
Posts: 9166

But Azrael gets a Unicorn Heart for thinking that banal crap is profound.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 4501

I made my comment last night, dear Goat.

My admissions essay was to discuss the most important invention of the 20th C. I made up a bunch of facts, wove quite a yarn, and turned in something akin to Monty Python. I tested out of composition that way.

If that worked, I said I'd see no reason why Caff wouldn't test out of Comp too.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 17889

I thought contractions were a no-no in academic writing. yes?

__________________

[Ignore Sig]

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 4501

Depends on the discourse community. I allow them in my Composition courses, and many journals allow them as well. We're allowed to use them, at the graduate level, depending on the professor, the course, and the assignment.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 15123

All of my science classes allowed them.

My freshman english class didn't. I don't think my lit classes did either.

__________________

[Ignore Sig]

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beatrice, Nebraska
Posts: 18490

Why is the contraction a no-no?

__________________

[Ignore Sig]

The pinnacle of Failbot technology.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 4501

It's considered to be a less formal usage for certain contexts.

I guess it's like the difference between writing a beautiful thank you note to someone on nice paper and just sending a half-assed email with typos?

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged