Ats
The machine
Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Helsinki. Finland
Posts: 233 |
 Jean-Paul Sartre's cookbook
October 3 - Spoke with Camus today about my cookbook. Though he has never actually
eaten, he gave me much encouragement. I rushed home immediately to begin work. How
excited I am! I have begun my formula for a Denver omelet.
October 4 - Still working on the omelet. There have been stumbling blocks. I keep creating
omelets one after another, like soldiers marching into the sea, but each one seems empty,
hollow, like stone. I want to create an omelet that expresses the meaninglessness of existence,
and instead they taste like cheese. I look at them on the plate, but they do not look back. Tried
eating them with the lights off. It did not help. Malraux suggested paprika.
October 6 - I have realized that the traditional omelet form (eggs and cheese) is bourgeois.
Today I tried making one out of cigarettes, some coffee, and four tiny stones. I fed it to
Malraux, who puked. I am encouraged, but my journey is still long.
October 10 - I find myself trying ever more radical interpretations of traditional dishes, in an
effort to somehow express the void I feel so acutely. Today I tried this recipe:
Tuna Casserole
Ingredients: 1 large casserole dish
Instructions: Place the casserole dish in a cold oven. Place a chair facing the oven and
sit in it forever. Think about how hungry you are. When night falls, do not turn on the
light.
While a void is expressed in this recipe, I am struck by its inapplicability to the bourgeois
lifestyle. How can the eater recognize that the food denied him is a tuna casserole and not some
other dish? I am becoming more and more frustrated.
October 25 - I have been forced to abandon the project of producing an entire cookbook.
Rather, I now seek a single recipe which will, by itself, embody the plight of man in a world
ruled by an unfeeling God, as well as providing the eater with at least one ingredient from each
of the four basic food groups. To this end, I purchased six hundred pounds of foodstuffs from the
corner grocery and locked myself in the kitchen, refusing to admit anyone. After several weeks
of work, I produced a recipe calling for two eggs, half a cup of flour, four tons of beef, and a
leek. While this is a start, I am afraid I still have much work ahead.
November 15 - Today I made a Black Forest gateau out of five pounds of cherries and a live
beaver, challenging the very definition of the word gateau. I was very pleased. Malraux said he
admired it greatly, but would not stay for dessert. Still, I feel that this may be my most profound
achievement yet, and have resolved to enter it in the Betty Crocker Bake-Off.
November 30 - Today was the day of the Bake-Off. Alas, things did not go as I had hoped.
During the judging, the beaver became agitated and bit Betty Crocker's wrist. The beaver's
powerful jaws are capable of felling blue spruce in less than ten minutes and proved, needless
to say, more than a match for the tender limbs of America's favorite homemaker. I only got
third place. Moreover, I am now the subject of a rather nasty lawsuit.
December 1 - I have been gaining twenty-five pounds a week for two months, and I am now
experiencing light tides. It is stupid to be so fat. My pain and ultimate solitude are still as
authentic as they were when I was thin, but seem to impress girls far less. From now on, I will
live on cigarettes and black coffee.
Report this post to a moderator |
IP: Logged
|
![[new thread]](/images/vb/button_newthread_off.png "Post New Thread")
![[post reply]](/images/vb/button_newreply_off.png "Post A Reply")
11-05-2000 07:00 PM
