Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Essex, England
Posts: 4523

An Aussie Joke

An Aussie is having his breakfast (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Aussie ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
American: "You Aussie folk eat the whole bread?"
Aussie (in a bad mood): "Of course."
American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia."
The American has a smirk on his face. The Aussie listens in silence.
The American persists: "D'ya eat jam with the bread?"
Aussie: "Of course."
American (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling): "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and left-overs in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Australia."
The Aussie then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.
Aussie: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course."
Aussie: "We don't. In Australia, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America."

Yeah I know its crap - but I'm bored!

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I don't have to sell my soul,
He's already in me.
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Just because I'm paranoid it doesn't mean that they aren't watching me!
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No sugar thanks, I'm sweet enough already!
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Stellar rules my ass!

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Official field trip organizer
Posts: 997

It's not crap.

You could see it coming a mile away but it's still funny.

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http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/boobsandbuds

You must have a FREE Yahoo ID to join the club and view the pictures.
(for the web challenged = no cookie from Yahoo saying you have a FREE id and password, NO ACCESS.
Underage? = NO ACCESS)

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Right there beside you..
Posts: 1056

hahaha that's so gross - but such an aussie thing to say & do

*licks Rav*

(..thought she was going to walk into the Aussie joke thread only to find her name there as the joke)

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An it harm none
Do what thou will.

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 12164

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes that whatever you wish for, your husband will
get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the
world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."

So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."

So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Essex, England
Posts: 4523

quote:

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Originally posted by Boobsnbuds:
It's not crap.

You could see it coming a mile away but it's still funny.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 10183

Q: Whats the difference between an aussie and that guy who got busted putting a blue nightgown on a sheep and raping it in the University of Iowa Agriculture department 2 weeks ago?

A: Beats the hell out of me :P

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Right there beside you..
Posts: 1056

*slaps dingle across the head*

replace aussie with Kiwi and you got a direct hit.. it's them new zealanders who're sposed to be making sweet sheep love, not us aussies



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An it harm none
Do what thou will.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: ...
Posts: 228

I thought it was the scots

anyway:
Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?

VICE PRESIDENT GORE
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.

GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.

SENATOR LIEBERMAN
I believe that every chicken has the right to worship his or her God in his or her own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in his or her own way.

SECRETARY CHENEY
Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.

RALPH NADER
Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tire makers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tire makers to create the need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the
roads, up with chickens.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it - the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly armless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of a Chicken.

EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by "chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?

LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Right there beside you..
Posts: 1056

quote:

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Originally posted by exodus:

anyway:
Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

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damn

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An it harm none
Do what thou will.

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Registered: Nov 2000
Location:
Posts: 5131

quote:

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Originally posted by Dingle:
Q: Whats the difference between an aussie and that guy who got busted putting a blue nightgown on a sheep and raping it in the University of Iowa Agriculture department 2 weeks ago?

A: Beats the hell out of me :P

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