Registered: Apr 2001
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alright settle down class.

Cruise Director, put your pants back on,
Hawley Griffin give Cruise Director back his pants,
lanin you got enough of that for everybody?
Paint CHiPs get your finger out your nose...gah please dont wipe it there.
Rokkr...ROKKKER! please take the earphones off.

we have a small class today according to who is on line but never the less i have some valuable information for you. it might help you pick up chicks and god knows some of you could use all the help you can get.


first off lets do some basics.

drunk women are more likely to have sex with someone she normally wouldnt, down fall is that those kiegles she did are useless since the muscles in the vagina loosen the drunker she gets. if you have fucked a drunk girl and it was like fucking a bucket of water this could be the case, women if you have fucked a guy and he seemed abnormally small, it may very well be because your drunken vagina was sloppy and loose. knowing is half the battle.

though alcohol is the most used "aphrodisiac", perhaps if you want to maintain peak physical performance you may want to try foods with specific vitamins. for women you may want to try foods high in vitamins a, e ans boron. for men, foods high in zinc and vitamin b. so if youre making dinner for a woman guys perhaps invent a fruit, greens, fish and cheese casserole tha doesnt make her vomit. youll be all set. (have mints handy)

other aphrodisiacs include ginseng, cinnamon, caviar, licorice, chocolate, asparagus, oysters and figs. make a pie.

Orgasm kung fu master:

clitoral orgasm - this is the most common type of orgasm. they result from direct stimulation of the clitoris. easiest to achieve and loved by all.

g-spot orgasm - this results from stimulation of the anterior, there is actually a "g" spot and an "a" spot on the front interior wall of the vagina. this is prolific to the female ejaculatory orgasm i spoke of in the female orgasm thread. her stuff (im very scientific)may contract in the lead up so much thats she pushes or feels as if she is pushing you out of her. if you stand your ground she will turn in to a mad woman, have a realy intense orgasm and probably stalk you after. ah amour.

fun facts:

there is more protein in an average male ejaculation than in a medium sized porkchop. (ladies if you dont swallow youre missing out, its beautiful and naughty and gorgeous and sacred....its also Atkins friendly)

it is probably true that a bald guys have a stronger sex drive, testosterone is a major cause of hair loss and it is the chemical responsible for the male libido.

there is also evidence that a balding man or a man with large testies are more like to be "a playah" and a man with his eyes close together is more likely to be a loyal lover.

The big hands and feet big = big ... is a myth.

Black guys are bigger...just get over it honkeys.

the average french kiss (freedom kiss?) burns 12 calories.

most would rather an average looking lover with physical flaws who is a great lover than a perfect looking young chick who is a snore in bed. great news for all us thirty something peaking horndogs. we swallow (and we love it)

a lot of sex will not make a vagina loose, but not enough sex will. as will too many frosty adult beverages as mentioned above.

it takes a woman an average of 20 minutes of oral sex to achieve orgasm...get comfy fellas. its all about the build up, rubbing her through her clothes and exciting her in other ways will cut that time short.

the testicles are very busy little guys, making about 150 million sperms a day. give em some kisses ladies, let them know they are appreciated (and ask them to KEEP THEIR FILTHY LITTLE SPERMS AWAY FROM YOUR EGGS!!) ahem.

ok class, this concludes the first lesson. any comments or questions?

Last edited by euphorbia on 09-25-2004 at 02:38 AM

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: In a Blue, Blue State
Posts: 13111

So you are saying that you are drunk, you want to screw, and you want to screw a big black man so you can achieve clitoral and g-spot orgasms, but you are afraid the alcohol has made your vagina feeling like a bucket of water?

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Registered: Oct 2001
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I only had one left [p] por joo

but I'm boned now, so that counts for somethin

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location: MI
Posts: 589

So you would think - my genital size, loyalty, skill, and ability to break your head has been disproportionate to my overall size for a few years now.

Also, news to me on that torn up vagina bit.

Male sex drive > damned close female sex drive. Trust me. We just don't get THAT goddamn sore. May not get loose, but it's loose enough after the wimmin flees and you're discovering the evaporating joys of oxygen on yer member.

Horrid spooges and stuff - progesterone and stuff. Practice or suffer when we aren't married to you, told you so, and want nothing to do with the results when you tell us it's okay.

Black guys - riiiight. Maybe if you've largely inferior, recessive, got-laid-through-liberalism type genetics.

BTW, shitheads - you're so fucking adamant on how to get BJ's just right and all that neat shit, spend 5 years training whatever poor wench you have on how to do it, piss and moan via the internet and scuttlebutt amongst co-workers...I'll wager that's the damned life of teh average wimmin. Keep that in mind the next time you wanna blow a load and leave her raw.

Goddamned idiots.

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Registered: Apr 2004
Location: Cwesting
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quote:

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clitoral orgasm - this is the most common type of orgasm. they result from direct stimulation of the clitoris. easiest to achieve and loved by all.

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Registered: Feb 2003
Location: Oceanside, CA
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quote:

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Originally posted by euphorbia
it is probably true that a bald guys have a stronger sex drive, testosterone is a major cause of hair loss and it is the chemical responsible for the male libido.

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: Zion
Posts: 4521

I feel so singled out... and yet.... sooo special, all at the same time.

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Registered: Apr 2004
Location: Cwesting
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BTW Escape Artist, have a WTF?! pernt.

Oh and if your woman is drunk and loose, there's a solution!

Do her with a styptic pencil first.

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Registered: Jan 2004
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quote:

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Originally posted by euphorbia



the testicles are very busy little guys, making about 150 million sperms a day.

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Registered: Jul 2001
Location: Little Rock.
Posts: 2600

Black guys really don't have bigger wangs on the average, and women should never judge a man by the size of his flaccid penis.

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Registered: Feb 2003
Location: Oceanside, CA
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According to the unfortunately named jackinworld.com, a normal male produces a few thousand sperm each second. Given 3600 seconds per hour, that means about 8 million sperm per hour, or 192 million sperm per day. Semen contains 50-100 million sperm per milliliter (at 3-5 ml per ejaculation, that gives 150-500 million sperm per ejaculation).

Whole heck of a lot of little spermies.

Bit of trivia: The sperm is the only cell of the human body which has a flagellum.
Bit of additional trivia: While sperm do have quite a few mitochondria, none are found in the head of the sperm. Since that is the only part which penetrates the egg, all of your mitochondria are derived from those of your mother.

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Registered: Dec 2002
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quote:

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Originally posted by plum
That can't be true.

Is that true?

That would imply that the odds of my being born were much slimmer than I had thought...

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Registered: Apr 2002
Location: At Home
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quote:

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Originally posted by Azrael
*snip

I do hope this class tells us something we dont know.

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quote:

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Originally posted by euphorbia
ok class, this concludes the first lesson. any comments or questions?

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: MadCo
Posts: 1801

Yea, my wife needs penetration too. And I would be happy to penetrate phorbie, if not for how much I love splAt. I get to penetrate him first

Melesse

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Registered: Sep 2001
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So the moral of the story is get the bird so drunk that she lets you shag her up the arse.

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Registered: Apr 2001
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quote:

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Originally posted by Escape Artist


Black guys - riiiight. Maybe if you've largely inferior, recessive, got-laid-through-liberalism type genetics.

.

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Registered: Jan 2004
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Is alcohol the best aphrodisiac (for women)?

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Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:

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Originally posted by euphorbia this concludes the first lesson. any comments or questions?

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Registered: Sep 2001
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quote:

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Originally posted by plum
Is alcohol the best aphrodisiac (for women)?

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Registered: Sep 2004
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In college, all it used to take was a game of "up and down the river".
I think there may be something lacking in your technique skalie.
Cocaine and extacy should be saved till you've been in a relationship long enough to get bored. Perhaps the teacher will broach that subject later.
Best pay attention in class.

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Registered: Sep 2001
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Oh, I didn't realise this was a thread for virgins, excuse me.

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quote:

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Originally posted by skalie
Yes, when combined with extacy and cocaine.

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