skalie
the honourable
Registered: Sep 2001
Location: ........
Posts: 15040 |
In defense of drinking
W.C. Fields
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
I always keep a supply of liquor handy in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy.
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
I never eat breakfast on an empty stomach.
Joe E. Lewis
I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
I went on a diet, swore off eating and heavy drinking, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
I drink to forget I drink.
P.J. O'Rourke
A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do.
I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more likely to tell the truth or, at least, lie less convincingly than they do in briefings and books.
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow then to spend tonight like there's no money.
Dave Barry
I've never been into wine. I'm a beer man. What I like about beer is you basically just drink it and order more. You don't sniff at it, or hold it up to the light and slosh it around, or drone on and on about it, the way people do with wine. Your beer drinker tend to be a straightforward, decent, friendly, down-to-earth person, whereas your serious wine fancier tends to be an insufferable snot.
I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of Communism or the fact that the refrigerator is still working.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
Ernest Hemingway
It was as natural as eating and to me as necessary, and I would not have thought of eating a meal without drinking beer.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
This beer is good for you. This is draft beer. Stick with the beer. Let's go and beat this guy up and come back and drink some more beer.
Winston Churchill
Most people hate the taste of beer - to begin with. It is, however, a prejudice.
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink." --- Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it." --- His reply
Oscar Wilde
I can resist everything except temptation.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Moderation is a fatal thing - nothing succeeds like excess.
We are all of us in the gutter. But some of us are looking at the stars.
Anonymous
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
In Vino Veritas, In Cervesio Felicitas (In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is joy)
Beer is the reason I get up every afternoon.
Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.
Upon being told I have a drinking problem I gave careful consideration and completely agree. I've two hands and only one mouth.
Miscellaneous
Wine gives strength to weary men.
--- Homer
Wine brings to light the hidden secrets of the soul, gives being to our hopes, bids the cowards flight, drives dull care away, and teaches new means for the accomplishment of our wishes.
--- Horace
And wine can of their wits the wise beguile, Make the sage frolic, and the serious smile.
--- Alexander Pope
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
--- David Daye
Adhere to the Schweinheitsgebot. Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat.
--- David Geary
DO RE MI Drink:
DOUGH, the stuff, that buys me beer;
RAY, the guy that sells me beer;
ME, the one, who drinks the beer;
FAR, a long run to get beer;
SO, I'll have another beer;
LA, I'll have another beer;
TEA, no thanks I'm drinking beer;
That will bring us back to... (looks in empty glass) D'OH!
--- Homer Simpson's beer song
Let schoolmasters puzzle their brains
With grammar, and nonsense, and learning,
Good liquor, I stoutly maintain,
Gives genius a better discerning
--- Oliver Goldsmith (1728 - 1774), Irish poet
One more drink and I'd be under the host.
--- Dorothy Parker
My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time.
--- "A Wolverine Is Eating My Leg"
I would rather commit adultery than drink a glass of beer.
--- Lady Astor, social reformist
Who wouldn't?
--- A voice from the crowd
People who drink "light" beer don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
--- Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
A "good" beer is one that sells! You may think it sucks, but if the market embraces it, so be it. Now a "great" beer or world-class beer is another matter...
--- Jim Busch
Give a man a beer, waste an hour. Teach a man to brew, and waste a lifetime!
--- Bill Owen
Why, if 'tis dancing you would be,
There's brisker pipes than poetry.
Say, for what were hop-yards meant,
Or why was Burton built on Trent?
Oh many a peer of England brews
Livelier liquor than the Muse,
And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God's ways to man.
Ale, man, ale's the stuff to drink
For fellows whom it hurts to think:
Look into the pewter pot
To see the world as the world's not.
--- A.E. Housman
Why is there so much wine left at the end of my money?
--- Milan Maximovich
Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious visions clamber
Through the chamber of my brain.
Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies
Come to life and fade away.
What I care how time advances;
I am drinking ale today.
--- Edgar Allen Poe
Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That's all that we will know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you and I sigh.
--- William Butler Yeats
Beer is made by men, wine by God!
--- Martin Luther
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society, except that which makes the road safer, the beer stronger, old men and women warmer in the winter, and happier in the summer.
--- Irish novelist Brendan Behan
I love to drink martinis.
Two at the very most.
Three I'm under the table.
Four I'm under the host!
--- Dorothy Parker
We're in such a slump that even the ones that are drinkin' aren't hittin'.
--- Casey Stengel
Eat thy bread with joy,
And drink thy wine with a merry heart.
--- Ecclesiastes 9:10
Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink.
--- Gore Vidal
When money's tight and hard to get
And your horse is also ran,
When all you have is a heap of debt,
A pint of plain is your only man.
--- Old Irish toast
Beer drinkin' don't do half the harm of love makin'.
--- Old New England proverb.
Pure water is the best gifts a man can bring.
But who am I that I should have the best of anything?
Let princes revel at the pump, let peers with ponds make free,
...beer is good enough for me.
--- Lord Neaves
Let us sing our own treasures, Old England's good cheer,
To the profits and pleasures of stout British beer;
Your wine tippling, dram sipping fellows retreat,
But your beer drinking Britons can never be beat.
The French with their vineyards and meager pale ale,
They drink from the squeezing of half ripe fruit;
But we, who have hop-yards to mellow our ale,
Are rosy and plump and have freedom to boot.
--- English drinking song, circa 1757
Why, we'll smoke and drink our beer.
For I like a drop of good beer, I does.
I'ze fond of good beer, I is.
Let gentlemen fine sit down to their wine.
But we'll all of us here stick to our beer.
--- Old Somersetshire English song
When the hour is nigh,
Let me in a tavern die,
With a tankard by me.
--- Archpoet, "Confesio," 12th century
Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter. Sermons and soda water the day after.
--- Lord Byron
Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.
--- George Bernard Shaw
I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.
--- Noel Coward
An alcoholic is anyone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
--- Dylan Thomas
They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that the ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ball games.
--- Casey Stengel
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
--- Henny Youngman
I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.
--- Dean Martin
I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
--- Robert Benchley
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
--- Rodney Dangerfield
Real ale fans are just like train-spotters, only drunk.
--- Christopher Howse
What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others.
--- Diogenes
A tavern is a place where madness is sold by the bottle.
--- Jonathan Swift
There can't be good living where there is not good drinking.
--- Benjamin Franklin
I would give all of my fame for a pot of ale and safety.
--- William Shakespeare
I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.
--- Miguel de Cervantes
A little bit of beer is divine medicine.
--- Paracelsus, Greek physician
I'm Catholic and I can't commit suicide, but I plan to drink myself to death.
--- Jack Kerouac
Beer, if drank with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit, and promotes health.
--- Thomas Jefferson
Do not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love, and celebrate the good days.
--- Ancient Egyptian proverb
I recommend bread, meat, vegetables, and beer.
--- Sophocles
Claret is the liquor for boys; port for men; but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy.
--- Samuel Johnson
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
--- George Bernard Shaw
If the headache preceded the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue.
--- Samuel Butler
It only takes one drink to get me drunk, but I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
--- George Burns
Drink to me.
--- Pablo Picasso's last words
I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
--- George Best
The heart which grief hath cankered
Hath one unfailing remedy - the tankard.
--- C.S. Calverly
Then trust me, there's nothing like drinking
So pleasant this side of the grave;
It keeps the unhappy from thinking,
And makes e'en the valiant more brave.
--- Charles Didbin
The first draught serveth for health, the second for pleasure, the third for shame, the fourth for madness.
--- Sir Walter Raleigh
An alcoholic has been lightly defined as a man who drinks more than his own doctor.
--- Alvan L. Barach
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
--- Lord Byron
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.
--- Finley Peter Dunne
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for.
--- Irish proverb
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
--- Dean Martin
My grandmother is eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
--- Henny Youngman
A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.
--- Louis Pasteur
The world needs water. For every bottle of wine you drink you contribute to conserving the drinking water reserves
--- Paul Emil Victor
Be careful to trust a person who does not like wine.
--- Karl Marx
The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom.
--- William Blake
Gin and drugs, dear lady, gin and drugs.
--- T.S. Eliot, when asked about inspiration
I envy people who drink - at least they know who to blame everything on.
--- Oscar Levant
The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.
--- Richard Braunstein
This is one of the disadvantages of wine; it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.
--- Samuel Johnson
Wine is made to be drunk as women are made to be loved; profit by the freshness of youth or the splendor of maturity; do not await decrepitude.
--- Theophile Malvezin
Nothing makes the future look so rosy as to contemplate it through a glass of Chambertin.
--- Napoleon
Beer isn't just beer... beer needs a home.
--- Die Welt, German newspaper, 1976
Light beer is an invention of the Prince of Darkness.
--- Inspector Morse, Mystery
Put it back in the horse!
--- H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the '30s-'50s, after he drank his first American beer at a bar.
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
--- Henry Lawson
Payday came and with it beer.
--- Rudyard Kipling
The selling of bad beer is a crime against Christian love.
--- Law, city of Ausburg, 13th century
Beer brewers shall sell no beer to the citizens, unless it be three weeks old; to the foreigner they may knowingly sell younger beer.
--- German beer law, 1466
Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer.
--- Frederick the Great
There is an ancient Celtic axiom that says 'Good people drink good beer.' Which is true, then as now. Just look around you in any public barroom and you will quickly see: Bad people drink bad beer. Think about it.
--- Hunter S. Thompson
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.
--- G.K. Chesterton
Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
--- Ambrose Bierce
Deep Thought: Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
--- Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--- Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
--- William Butler Yeats
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls.
--- Ross Levy
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--- Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--- Stephen Wright
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
--- Brian O'Rourke
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--- Frank Zappa
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--- Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
--- Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--- Kaiser Wilhelm
Praise not the day until evening has come; a woman until she is burnt; a sword until it is tried; a maiden until she is married; ice until it has been crossed; beer until it has been drunk.
--- Viking Proverb
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
--- Jack Handy
He was a wise man who invented wine.
--- Plato
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--- Catherine Zandonella
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--- Henny Youngman
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--- Humphrey Bogart
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
--- David Moulton
I drink to make other people interesting.
--- George Jean Nathan
They who drink beer will think beer.
--- Washington Irving
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--- Dean Martin
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--- Homer Simpson
Man's way to God is with beer in hand.
--- Koffyar Tribal Wisdom, Nigeria
But if at church they give some ale And a pleasant fire for our souls to regale We'd sing and we'd pray all the live long day Nor ever once from the church to stray. Beer drinkin' don't do half the harm of love makin'.
--- Old New England proverb
Drink is the feast of reason and the flow of soul.
--- Alexander Pope
I've always believed that paradise will have my favorite beer on tap.
--- Rudyard Wheatley
Here's a toast to the roast that good fellowship lends, with the sparkle of beer and wine; May its sentiment always be deeper, my friends, than the foam at the top of the stein. Then here's to the heartening wassail, wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.
--- Ogden Nash
If the hangover preceded the binge, alcoholism would be considered a virtue and not a vice.
--- Gregory Bateson, anthropologist/psychologist
The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer.
--- Ancient Egyptian Wisdom, 2200 B.C.
The best beer is where priests go to drink. For a quart of Ale is a dish for a King.
--- Shakespeare, "A Winter's Tale"
For we could not now take time for further search (to land our ship) our victuals being much spent, especially our Beere.
---Ship's log of the Mayflower
But the greatest love--the love above all loves, Even greater than that of a mother... Is the tender, passionate, undying love, Of one beer drunken slob for another.
--- Irish love ballad
Life, alas, is very drear. Up with the glass, down with the beer!
--- Louis Untermeyer
A drink a day, keeps the shrink away.
--- Edward Abbey
Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.
--- Drew Carey
Last time I was sober, man I felt bad,
Worst hangover that I ever had.
It took six hamburgers, Scotch all night,
Nicotine for breakfast just to put me right.
--- Mark Knopfler, "Heavy Fuel"
Ale it is called among men, and among gods, beer.
--- First recorded mention of the word 'ale', 950 A.D. (Old Norse Alvisimal)
He that drinks strong beer, and goes to bed mellow, lives as he ought to live, and dies a hearty fellow.
--- 17th century English drinking song
As he brews so shall he drink.
--- Ben Johnson
I wish to see this beverage become common instead of the whiskey which kills one-third of our citizens and ruins their families.
--- Thomas Jefferson, on beer, January 6, 1816
The best place to drink beer is at home. Or on a river bank, if the fish don't bother you.
--- American folk saying
When I die, I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin. I wonder would they know it was me?
--- J.P. Donleavy (The Ginger Man)
The best way to die is sit under a tree, eat lots of bologna and salami, drink a case of beer, then blow up.
--- Art Donovan, a.k.a. Fatso (Baltimore Colts lineman in the '50s and '60s)
While you merely see the disease being viruses, I see the benign microorganisms which by making, among other things, strong beers... and enable you to spend your evening in alcoholic bliss.
--- Patrick McGinley, 1978 (Bogmail)
A statesman is an easy man, he tells his lies by rote. A journalist invents his lies, and rams them down your throat. So stay at home and drink your beer and let the neighbors vote.
--- William Butler Yeats
As to the way of life of the English, they are somewhat impolite, for they belch at the table without shame. They consume great quantities of beer.
--- Father Etienne Perlin, 1558.
Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.
--- Mark Twain
O Beer! O Hodgson, Guinness, Allsopp, Bass! Names that should be on every infant's tongue.
--- C.V. Calverly
"Come, guess me this riddle, what beats pipes and fiddle,
What's hotter than mustard and milder than cream?
What best wets your whistle, what's clearer than crystal,
What's sweeter than honey and stronger than steam?
What'll make the dumb talk, what'll make the lame walk,
What's the elixir of life and philosopher's stone?
What helped Mr. Brunel to dig the Thames Tunnel?
Wasn't it whiskey, me boys, from old Inishowen?"
--- "The Humours of Whiskey"
If all be true that I do think, there are five reasons we should drink;
Good wine - a friend - or being dry -
Or lest we should be by and by - or any other reason why.
--- Henry Aldrich
There are two reasons for drinking:
One is, when you are thirsty, to cure it;
The other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it.
--- Thomas Love Peacock
Here's to a long life, and a merry one; a quick death, and an easy one; a pretty girl, and an honest one; a cold beer - and another one!
--- Irish toast
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
--- Homer J. Simpson
Beer that is not drunk has missed its vocation. Meyer Breslau Beer once tasted like something. It was made out of malt and hops and yeast and pure filtered water... Nowadays it is often made of such gook as rice and corn grits... nothing but dirty water. It's so light and clear it's nothing...ignoble swill.
--- Charles McCabe, 1960
Cover a war in a place where you can't drink beer or talk to a woman? Hell no!
--- Hunter S. Thompson, on the Gulf War
Drunks Like You
You can always retake a class, but you can never relive a party.
--- Drew Navikas
starkle starkle little twink
who the heck are you i think
im not under what you call
the alcofluence of incohol
im just a little slort of sheep
im not drunk like tinkle peep
i dont who is me yet
but the drunker i stand here, the longer i get
so just give me one more drink to fill my cup
'cause i got all day sober..to sunday up!
"When in doubt, take a shot."
"It's not whether or not you throw up, it's whether or not you keep going."
"Boot and rally!"
"You can't fall off the wagon, if you're never on it."
The Shriners' can tabs for kids program: "We drink for the kids!"
"I'm training to be a pilot."
--- from KJ
http://www.drunkbastard.net/defense.htm
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09-25-2004 10:37 AM
