Registered: Jan 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 146

I don't know if there has been a topic about this recently. I honestly wouldn't know how to begin to find out. I am pretty new at this. I just found out something really disturbing and thought I might ask some opinions.

See, there is this guy that I am really good friends with. He has a huge thing for me, it is obvious to everyone and he doesn't deny it. We talk about pretty much everything. He tells me secrets about his past and confides in me. I do the same with him. He is so not my type. He knows this and accepts it. I am very trusting of this guy. I know he has had a violent past, but from what I see....all that is behind him. I am friends with many of the cops in my town. One of the cops informed me tonight that he was arrested when he was 18, four years ago, fir molesting a 2 yr old girl. I have never thought about leaving my kids alone with him, but if the need be, I never would have second guessed that before tonight. So, the question is, do people change? Is it possible that he has this out of his system? I can't really say anything to him because I would then get my cop friend in trouble. How do I go about adressing the situation? Sorry, more than one question. Any suggestions?

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Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Still Orygun
Posts: 10256

On the one hand, arrested does not mean charged, nor does it mean guilty. OTOH, I wouldn't leave one of my kids alone with him for a second if I were unsure (if I had kids). You come up with the damnedest questions. Can't you just ask us if we've seen any good movies or can recommend some newfangled gadgets you can experiment with?

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Registered: Jan 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 146

well, Have you seen any good movies?

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Location Location
Posts: 26385

People rarely change but behaviors often can.

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Registered: Jan 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 146

Sorry, just figure if I am gonna ask, I might as well have a purpose. I am not too creative of a person, so I figure I would let the people who are ask the questions and when I feel the need for some opnions, then I would ask.

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Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Still Orygun
Posts: 10256

I agree with Paint. Even people's behaviors don't change unless they are highly self-motivated. When people do change, it is over time and not in ways anyone might predict or can control.

*and no, haven't seen any good movies or bought any exciting gadgets lately.

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Registered: Apr 2004
Location: Insatiation
Posts: 8981

quote:

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Originally posted by tojo
well, Have you seen any good movies?

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Registered: Sep 2001
Location: ........
Posts: 14960

quote:

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Originally posted by tojo
How do I go about adressing the situation?

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Registered: Apr 2003
Location: . o O
Posts: 6374

quote:

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Originally posted by tojo
He is so not my type.

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Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Still Orygun
Posts: 10256

quote:

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Originally posted by skalie
*skalie stuff*

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Registered: Sep 2001
Location: ........
Posts: 14960

In that case ask him to baby-sit and hide in the closet.

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Registered: Oct 2000
Location:
Posts: 9164

Assume he is dangerous around yer kid since its better to be safe than sore arsed.

Even if he has changed he could always change back. Why put that kinda temptation in front of him.

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Registered: Nov 2003
Location: .
Posts: 7849

Where are the facts? How do you know that the fellow actually did anything wrong? The cop that told you the info, have you thought that he may have a grudge against your friend? They might be jealous, they maybe spreading unsubstantiated rumours about him. I think you'll just have to ask him upfront and get it out in the open and let yourself know where you stand.

And if he is a fiddler, cut his balls off and feed them to the pigs.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona
Posts: 18837

I wouldn't ask him anything and I wouldn't ever leave my kids with him, ever. 4 years is not "in the past, that's yesterday.
To bring it up is to invite a lie and then what would you do? Continue to hang around him?

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Registered: Apr 2004
Location: Den
Posts: 11014

Parent martyrs unite!

This would be a bad time to generalize on how people change methinks. Also, a lot of people act on how they are treated. Confidence can be a moral booster, like 'I dont want to molest the kids of the only woman who treats me nice'... But like Dac said, better safe than martyr, so in emergencies, invite really cute kid decoys for him to molest instead.

Anyway, with a few well-placed lies it should be easy to find out where he stands.

1. "Man, people are really after that Jacko huh? So what if he did sleep with a few kids? I wouldn't have a problem with it personally - kids need grown ups to explore their sexuality."

2. "Hey wanna see some really funny pics of my kids in the bath?"

I'm sure all you backstabbers have better ones.

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Registered: Mar 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 24374

quote:

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Originally posted by Paint CHiPs
People rarely change but behaviors often can.

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Registered: Aug 2004
Location: Fighting the little voices inside my head
Posts: 488

Molesters do not change.
Simply castarate him, then hes safe for baby sitting. Youve said hes not your type, so he dont need his ' bits' as far as you are concerned.
And if you are wrong, just claim you did it on mis-information, hell, Dubya can invade a country on that one alone, so a simple ' snip' should be a snip. Get it ?

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Registered: Dec 2002
Location:
Posts: 15994

quote:

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Originally posted by WCA
Molesters do not change.
Simply castarate him, then hes safe for baby sitting. Youve said hes not your type, so he dont need his ' bits' as far as you are concerned.
And if you are wrong, just claim you did it on mis-information, hell, Dubya can invade a country on that one alone, so a simple ' snip' should be a snip. Get it ?

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Registered: Nov 2003
Location: .
Posts: 7849

quote:

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Originally posted by SimpleSimon
Hell, I can attest from personal knowledge that the stump of an amputated limb can be a sexual tool.

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Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Still Orygun
Posts: 10256

quote:

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Originally posted by SimpleSimon
. . .
Castration changes nothing significant. Therapy, if in fact this man has been guilty of the alleged act, might.

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Registered: Dec 2002
Location:
Posts: 15994

quote:

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Originally posted by ignatz mouse
I don't think a truly effective one has been discovered (for pedophilia, anyway). Less so for the desires than the behaviors, in particular.

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Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Still Orygun
Posts: 10256

The "therapies" are often pretty nasty. Aversion, for instance.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: zanzibar
Posts: 10438

Why would you even take the chance? The person was already not your 'type.' Just give them the freeze out and move on.

Some states now have on-line criminal history look-ups (in Michigan you can see the record of anyone who has been in the State corrections system), you could see if there is something similar in your area. (Although if he was convicted it probably is not likely that he'd be out already, I would think. Also in this type of case he'd be listed in a sex offender registry, which is probably more easily available than general criminal history).

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Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Hilbert Space
Posts: 35572

quote:

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Originally posted by DevilMoon
(in Michigan you can see the record of anyone who has been in the State corrections system)

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