Registered: Apr 2001
Location: 0.50
Posts: 9355

i think the general cultural idea of addicition is mostly false. drugs in and of themselves are not addictive, i think, it is instead a matter of a person being an addict. i've done a fair selection of things at this point, and i've never felt a compulsion towards any of them, either to repeat or prolong an effect. all of my drug experiences have been considered and rational.
except, of course, for my long and storied history with alcohol.
generally when i start drinking i don't stop until i have to. i'm not sure why. generally when something bad happens i think "time to get drunk", just like when something good happens or when i have something to do. now, i've never been drunk alone at work (by which i mean i have had a few lunch-beers with the proletariat, but not a mickey in the men's room), i've never done anything terrible to anyone (except throw up on things a few times. and one other thing that i don't want to mention), i've never even been drunk more than two days in a row, but i drink hard. i don't drink to escape sober-me. i don't drink to drown sorrow, though there is euphoria involved (no euphorbia involved as yet but i bet i would try) i tend to feel pretty great on a day-to-day basis even in the face of some viscious circumstances.
last night it was a six-pack followed by draft followed by doubles of scotch. when a glass is empty i will fill it. i don't think about it, it is an automatic response. i have a drinking problem of a sort, but it's not intrusive yet. hopefully if it becomes so i can either recognize that or (more likely) enjoy it. i think partly it's due to the loosening effect. i'm a pretty controlled guy, no movement or emotion wasted, and in fact i have trouble talking as fast as i think until i have a drink or three. also i am something of a masochist (not sexually, which i guess means nobody's ever sucked my dick for scraping my knee in a stupor), so doing terrible things to myself is endlessly appealing. apparently contrary to this i have pretty high self-esteem, though i recognize my lack of worth as seen by the world at large. lastly, and this one is a maybe, i might be looking to stop my brain sometimes. be unconscious. i've never slept well, partly because i can't stop thinking.

now, my point. i don't think the mental factors i have described are really at the bottom of this. i don't know why i drink, or why i drink the way i do. i know it's fun, and somewhat destructive, i know what i think about it, but not why. it might be metabolic, but how? no withdrawal, no "fix" required. the people with drinking problems i have known were quite obviously troubled by things and covering that with booze. but at the same time i think addiction is mental, even in cases of extreme physical effect, since mind is always over matter when you want it to be. not everybody is...presently conscious enough to affect a change on themselves at will, of course, but it can be done.
i don't know what to think. i'm done for today.

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Registered: Jan 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 146

hmmm....you know that you drink a lot, you don't know why, but it seems to be an automatic thing....sounds like an addiction.....I could be wrong. It just seems that you are saying that you do it just to do it and don't even think about.....it is just something you automatically do without thinking.

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Registered: Sep 2001
Location: ........
Posts: 14954

Just happenned to have this open in another window.

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location: 0.50
Posts: 9355

i just happened to have this open in another hand.
hoho.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Location Location
Posts: 26384

It consistently amazes me how much my sense of sanity and self was predicated on getting or being fucked up, the complete self-delusion that surrounded that, and the levels of consequences I was ultimately able to accept and endure to perpetuate it.

In March I'll have not had a drink or drug for a year.

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Last edited by Paint CHiPs on 02-26-2005 at 02:29 AM

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: zanzibar
Posts: 10414

I think we should pitch in and get bp this for Canada day or whatever.

(hopefully the link works)

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Registered: Sep 2001
Location: ........
Posts: 14954

*drunkenly awards Paint a class [p]*

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Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Hilbert Space
Posts: 35561

Beer is good.

it's worth drinking just to upset the sanctimonious pricks who think that drink is the devil and that, just because you woke up in bed with a 13 year old covered in your own vomit, you are an alcoholic.

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Registered: May 2002
Location:
Posts: 8650

i haven't had a drink or a drug since like saturday, i want a pernt.

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 7504

quote:

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Originally posted by Paint CHiPs
In March I'll have not had a drink or drug for a year.

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Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Hilbert Space
Posts: 35561

quote:

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Originally posted by CHiPsJr
C'mon. Just one couldn't possibly hurt...

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Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 7504

Half right. He's less libertine, but he's more librarian.

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location: 0.50
Posts: 9355

quote:

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Originally posted by Paint CHiPs
It consistently amazes me how much my sense of sanity and self was predicated on getting or being fucked up, the complete self-delusion that surrounded that, and the levels of consequences I was ultimately able to accept and endure to perpetuate it.

In March I'll have not had a drink or drug for a year.

---

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Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Hilbert Space
Posts: 35561

Libertarian intervention:

'Brad, you're sobering up and starting to make sense. It's hurting all of us, man, we feel like you aren't one of us anymore. You're sinking back to reality and you're taking all of us with you. Come back to us. Go on, take a hit'

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Location Location
Posts: 26384

quote:

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Originally posted by buddha's penis
could you elaborate?

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location: 0.50
Posts: 9355

okay, good. i'm interested. i don't think i am deluding myself at the moment, but i'd like to hear some ways i might be doing so.

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Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Hilbert Space
Posts: 35561

If you find yourself drinking in order to get to sleep, and even then you don't sleep till really late, and find yourself kissing another guy and wanting to investigate that more, and find yourself taking 8 years to do a degree, then you have a real problem*.

*You are paint.

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Registered: Apr 2001
Location: 0.50
Posts: 9355

i ain't never kissed no guy.
those guys kissed me.

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Registered: Mar 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 24302

quote:

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Originally posted by Paint CHiPs
It consistently amazes me how much my sense of sanity and self was predicated on getting or being fucked up, the complete self-delusion that surrounded that, and the levels of consequences I was ultimately able to accept and endure to perpetuate it.

In March I'll have not had a drink or drug for a year.

---

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Registered: Mar 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 24302

quote:

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Originally posted by Smug Git
If you find yourself drinking in order to get to sleep, and even then you don't sleep till really late, and find yourself kissing another guy and wanting to investigate that more, and find yourself taking 8 years to do a degree, then you have a real problem.

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Registered: Dec 2004
Location: Beringia
Posts: 5207

quote:

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Originally posted by buddha's penis

now, my point. i don't think the mental factors i have described are really at the bottom of this. i don't know why i drink, or why i drink the way i do. i know it's fun, and somewhat destructive, i know what i think about it, but not why. it might be metabolic, but how? no withdrawal, no "fix" required. the people with drinking problems i have known were quite obviously troubled by things and covering that with booze. but at the same time i think addiction is mental, even in cases of extreme physical effect, since mind is always over matter when you want it to be. not everybody is...presently conscious enough to affect a change on themselves at will, of course, but it can be done.
i don't know what to think. i'm done for today.

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Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 17889

Regardless of the reasons you drink; if you're an alcoholic, you won't likely successfully deal with those reasons unless you first stop drinking. It's not only a by-product of dealing with those things, it's a prerequisite for approaching them.

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Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Still Orygun
Posts: 10248

quote:

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Originally posted by buddha's penis
. . .
generally when i start drinking i don't stop until i have to. i'm not sure why.

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