Registered: May 2004
Location:
Posts: 9

Once upon a time, I was a stoneware plate in the Bubble World. I walked sideways so that I wouldn't inconvenience the bubbles unduly while squeegy-ing through. The best I can describe the world as it looked then would be sparkly-dishsoap-bubbly-disconcerting. I remember having a difficult time breathing and screaming when people looked at me. I walked with my arms up shielding my face from the poisonous stares of others. A plate on its edge is invisible, so my brilliant reasoning was, if I walked sideways nobody would see me. An odd fact about my life: I've never been institutionalized.

At the time of the Bubble World, I was in college, having temporarily been allowed to suspend work on and attendance of all classes, on suicide watch. I remember I had to talk to the dean of students every other day, alternating with a psychiatrist. I never told either one about the Bubble World and didn't end up in a thorazine haze on a locked ward. To my credit, I was never a danger to anyone other than myself. I can't imagine I said much of substance to either one of them, otherwise, how could they not have learned how badly I was hallucinating? Clever schizophrenics are able to fool psychiatrists for the length of time of a therapeutic session, convince them they are doing better, so maybe out of self-preservation I was clever. And, maybe the best psychiatrists don't treat middle class liberal arty-farty college kids. Which is too bad, because they occasionally jump out of buildings.


So, um, ever had any persistent delusions or long-term hallucinations?

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Registered: Feb 2004
Location: in colorado somewhere!
Posts: 25658

yea.

Um,like right now.
I believe I'm in my house looking at this forum and everyone doing their own thing,but there's this unbelievable feeling that there's like something else going on.
Sometimes I wonder if everything stands still until you're there,like everything is for like me and everyone exists only because of me.
Then I wonder if we are all aliens left here as seeds to feast off the land and slaughter vegtables to eat.
Vegtables. Yea. That's the scariest shit I know.
Like how do we know that their not in agonising pain while we chew away at their very foundation of life?
That's like genocide.
And these veggies only care about the living things with voiceboxes that scream out when being slaughtered,but it's ok to eat a vegtable raw and alive.
Then when I look out at the stars,I stare at one star and think that star is like a million light years away,so the light I see is a million years old.and maybe all the stars like supernova'ed already like a million years less one year ago,and the entire universe will cease to exists in a year.
Then I wonder why when we chop off our limbs,why it dosen't just grow back.
I wonder sometimes too how cool it would be to experience a crucifixion. Like how much that would hurt of course but how long before your body takes over and you don't hurt anymore. That would be cool.
Then I wonder about the afterlife. What really happens to us. And that kinda scares me.

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Last edited by Large Filipino on 03-05-2005 at 04:28 AM

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Registered: Feb 2004
Location: in colorado somewhere!
Posts: 25658

Then there's this unbelievable urge to get out and smell the beautiful weather were having here but I'm still sitting at home.
Fuck it.
Outta here!
Where's my camera...

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