Mugtoe
Cuddly Puppy
Registered: Oct 2001
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Posts: 18831 |
Well, upon reflection the thing that struck me most was how little a part of each other's lives we are anymore. Yeah, I was touched, and she is a truly amazing person and a central figure of my childhood - almost a surrogate mother to me in a lot of ways. But the guy she refers to in that letter hasn't been me for years and years. I'm still a troubled guy, no doubt, and I'm frequently in a state of conflict about things in my life; but I have had an ongoing dialogue and relationship with whatever you want to call God for a good long while now. I suppose I have held myself apart from any sort of Christian fellowship, certainly, and perhaps for many of the initial reasons she references in her letter - and in the talk she gave to her congregation years ago in Virginia when they were considering leaving the Presbyterian denomination - but I have found other avenues for approaching that Mystery. I suppose I drank myself into that necessity and that gift in a way, and it has stayed with me off and on regardless of my BAC at any given time. That has been a bit of Grace in my life thoughout the last ten years or more.
The fact remains, however, that she is a blessing to me, to her family in Boston, to her students and to the people she will minister to in the future. My feelings about the distance between us since the time we were close have little bearing on that. I did feel though that I should clarify that I am not and have not felt irretrievably broken since I was in my twenties, or at the very latest my early thirties. I've just been a pretty fucked up guy for my own reasons and not because I felt deprived of the ability to yell at God or you or any of the rest of the world when I was in need. I do, however, agree with her about the messages I received as a child, and I think that's regrettable. But there are worse things, and God (however you wanna define that: the Void, the Mystery, the Universe, Good Orderly Direction) doesn't make things overly hard on those who honestly seek some sort of relationship and a way to plug in to the current that we're all allowed to avail ourselves of when we need it.
but thanks. I like showin her off. I lucked out.
__________________
quote:
Originally posted by magnolia
never waste a hardon, trust a fart or pass up a breath mint when offered.
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06-17-2005 03:20 AM
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Vote for OBAMA so Wonder can FLY and FUCK YOU HAWLEY!!
