Registered: Oct 2002
Location:
Posts: 1326

i very rarely look to anyone for advice or even want it but theres some things im needing anwered right now.

i need advice from parents or prospective parents.

1) when did you decide that you wanted kids?
2) what drove/drives you to have them?
3) any regrets?
4) what is the biggest benefit to having them?
5) do you really feel unbound love for them or is this just a myth?

im having this major life decision that needs resolution. she doesnt want them at all no questions asked. i do. can i be happy without having kids? who wants them but is with someone who doesnt?

i wish i could answer these things on my own

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 16824

quote:

---

Originally posted by GimpyDivo
. . .
4) what is the biggest benefit to having them?
5) do you really feel unbound love for them or is this just a myth?

im having this major life decision that needs resolution. she doesnt want them at all no questions asked. i do. can i be happy without having kids? who wants them but is with someone who doesnt?

i wish i could answer these things on my own

---

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Feb 2004
Location: in colorado somewhere!
Posts: 27684

1) when did you decide that you wanted kids?
A month after we were married. Just thought it would be cool.
2) what drove/drives you to have them?
Nothing really. Just thought it would be cool.
3) any regrets?
Nope.
4) what is the biggest benefit to having them?
Sharing your life with them and like looking at a part of you there and shit like that and things that cannot be explained.
5) do you really feel unbound love for them or is this just a myth?
They are a piece of your life.Love is too weak of a word to describe the feeling. It's something undescribable,man.

__________________

[Ignore Sig]

(I stopped the moving so that Simple Simon can play my embedded video's. EEEEE!!!!)

Vote for OBAMA so Wonder can FLY and FUCK YOU HAWLEY!!

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Ohraygun
Posts: 10601

I've wanted kids as long as I can remember. If I don't have kids, biological or adopted, it will be the great regret of my life. In the past, I wasn't in a stable enough position financially or emotionally so that I felt confident that having a child was the right thing to do (for the child). Working with kids is the best thing I do. I can only speak to you from my perspective -- if you want kids, there's no denying it. They add a joy and wonder to your life that other beings can't, a way of looking at the world that continually confounds, surprises and delights.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Sep 2001
Location: ........
Posts: 15314

Er, his sheila doesn't want them, ignie.

Careful or you'll have him putting pin pricks in his condoms.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Ohraygun
Posts: 10601

I realize that. He asked if he can be happy without kids. I took the question seriously.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 8344

Kids are like cochroaches.

They get into your stuff, eat your food, and you can't kill them.

Get her a baby beaver.
http://www.fellowmortals.org/Gallery1.html

Awwww.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Feb 2003
Location: Oceanside, CA
Posts: 5233

quote:

---

Originally posted by GimpyDivo
1) when did you decide that you wanted kids?

---

__________________

[Ignore Sig]

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Sep 2000
Location: The Bottom of the Toyem Pole
Posts: 9476

Tal's comments are worth being posted twice.

I've always enjoyed being around kids. Their lack of pretension (and enthusiasm for pretending) is refreshing. Being around kids helps remind me that the world is not just what you see: how you see is the real factor.

I wanted to be a father in part because my dad, while a pretty good dad in a lot of respects, took parenting more passively than I intend to. Knowing what I know about his father, comparitively my dad was pretty pro-active. I don't want to sell him short because he did a lot of things with us: took us camping, hunting, was a boy scout leader, taught us to cut gemstones, shit like that. But it seems to me that I had to figure out a bunch of shit on my own that didn't necessarily have to be done solo. Sure, the journey has to be taken by yourself, but an active mentoring parent would be nice too. So I wanted to be that for my kids, to a degree.

In that vein, I was always of the mind that I wanted a son, so I could teach him all the shit i figured out on my own. In my case, by the time I figured it out, it was too late to use the knowledge. So I wanted to give my own a head start. But when we got pregnant, I started pondering what it would be like to have a daughter and realized that it would be pretty cool, perhaps even cool than having a son. Let me put it this way: Imagine two children, aged 8 and 5, go to the store on a simple errand. If the elder is a daughter, the odds of the younger one getting forgotten on the return trip is much lower than if the eldest is a son, methinks.

Anyway, the point I'm taking a long route to making is that being a parent is something that I looked forward to and was ready for. I'm took my time and when the time came, it's been perfect.

As for love and children, perhaps the greatest mystery is to ponder just where the fuck the love for the child comes from. It is such a pure, intense, almost overpowering emotion and it came out of nowhere. My live never felt empty or missing anything, but now that I have my daughter, I look back and just think how much we didn't have that we have now and how sad it is, kind of, that we didn't know what we were missing.

I know you aren't asking for advice about having kids, but in general, I feel it worth repeating that I feel the success of being a parent depends on your patience and your willlingness to make family life and the children the center of your universe. However much patience you think you are going to need, I'll warn you now that you'll need more. I'm not as good at the latter as I'd like to be and of course every person and all parents need time of their own. I kind of miss the freedom of being able to play videos games or dink on the computer or get drunk watching a movie or ball game whenever I wanted, but like the transition from the life you live in your 20s to adulthood, you leave stuff behind for a better life. The real challenges are keeping the house clean when you're tired from work or when you just want to put your feet up but you've got to take care of kids. It's never burdensome, just mildly annoying. But it is enough that being prepared for it can help, I think.

With regards to your decision, I'm glad I didn't have to make it. Personally, I would rather have kids than any of my potential mates. I'm fortunate that my wife felt the same way. I'd advise against the relationship over the long term but you really have to make that decision yourself. You never ever want your current girl to go against her belief, as she may revert to it after its too late. You may end up feeling unfulfilled, but then again you may be perfectly happy just the two of you. There is a lot of fun in life without children too. But the reason that I personally would rather have a child than any particular mate (of course it is a combination) is that the love I have for my wife, as true as it is, is qualitatively different that what I have for my kids. Just as you love your parents differently than your friends and mate, so will the bonds between you and your kids be different. I also think that the world needs more parents who wanted to be parents. That's a good thing too.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Mar 2005
Location: Snoville, USA
Posts: 119

Knowing whether to have kids or not, or even when to have them is something you feel inside your heart. And you both must have that feeling. As wonderful and fulfilling it is to have kids, they're more than likely going to be the biggest challenge you'll have in your life.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Dec 2000
Location: Smith County
Posts: 1366

What JEB, Tal, and Nute said.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Oct 2001
Location: Lat: 43° 42' 0 N, Long: 79° 34' 0 W
Posts: 2827

Are you sure she never ever wants children? Isn't it possible that she's just not ready for kids yet, and that her feelings might change later? Have you asked her why? She may have valid reasons, or she may need to address issues from HER childhood. Maybe she just hates kids.

I think it would be wrong, though, to pressure her into having children. It would be horrible to have children that you don't really care about, or that you even resent. My mother and I fight constantly, but I know she loves me, you know what I mean?

This is sort of out of place, but didn't you ever discuss this with her before? Is it only becoming an issue now? I've even talked with my boyfriend about having kids, and we're extremely (almost opposite poles) far from being married. How long did it take for this situation to escalate?

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Dec 2004
Location: Beringia
Posts: 5678

1. didn't want any, my wife did.
2. I was driven to have them by years of nagging and pestering.
3. My only regret is that I held out for so long.
4. They make everything new.
5. Love is too mild a word for what I feel for my wife and my boys.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Feb 2003
Location: Oceanside, CA
Posts: 5233

Oops. Sorry all. If any admin would care to delete that duplicate, I'd appreciate it.

__________________

[Ignore Sig]

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 25796

quote:

---

Originally posted by GimpyDivo
i very rarely look to anyone for advice or even want it but theres some things im needing anwered right now.

i need advice from parents or prospective parents.

---

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Dec 2001
Location: Ducktown, GA
Posts: 1437

My wife and I were talking about that the other day. About what life was like before we had kids. There really wasn't a whole lot of a point to life as compared to now. Before, it was make more money, get better stuff, contribute to your chosen fields of work and hobbies, that sort of thing. Now we have real people that are part of us, that started out relying on us completely, but are now growing, doing things for themselves, learning, and ready to make their own contributions to work, sport and the community before starting the whole cycle over again.

Being a daddy rules. Teaching them how to do the things you love, and watching the little lights come on when they get it is just great. And if I have a crappy day at work and am dragging ass, there's nothing better than getting home and running around with the kids to make you feel right again.

Love is too weak of a word.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Dec 2004
Location: Beringia
Posts: 5678

quote:

---

Originally posted by Trenchant_Troll
Ahem...

As tempted as I am to answer each of your questions, I will not, for I refuse to lie to you like most people are happily willing to do to. No one can blame them; misery likes company. Instead I will pose a question to you that should help you anwer your own. It is a multiple choice question:

Which would you prefer?

a) An extra one to ten million dollars in your lifetime, freedom to travel freely, a good night's sleep every day while looking ten years younger than you are, and having a lot of sex.

b) None of the above.

---

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 25796

I obviously forgot to mention that kids turn their parents into raving lunatics who dwell in their own delusional fantasy worlds as a means of survival, only being able to function by the use of pathological lies.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Dec 2000
Location: Smith County
Posts: 1366

TT, if you truly have recieved no joy as a father, you must really suck at it.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 25796

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mudflap
TT, if you truly have recieved no joy as a father, you must really suck at it.

---

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Dec 2000
Location: Smith County
Posts: 1366

Stay away from my children.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Feb 2004
Location: Downing Street
Posts: 17534

quote:

---

Originally posted by Trenchant_Troll
Once you have answered that question, go to a public place (restaurant, shopping mall, etc.) and see how many parents (who have children with them) that you can find smiling.

---

Report this post to a moderator |