Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 18761

Mugtoe
Tuesday, 2 August 2005

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Registered: Dec 2004
Location: Beringia
Posts: 5640

Speaking as a parent, I can think of nothing that would please me more during my senior years than to have one of my sons home with me, and willing to share that part of the ride.
Speaking as a life long fuck up, I empathize and sympathize with your state of self-loathing.
I know you're not looking for sympathy, and don't require it, though, so don't get me wrong.
No surrender, no defeat.

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Registered: Sep 2001
Location: ........
Posts: 15288

quote:

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If you want self-esteem, do esteemable things.

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Registered: Sep 2001
Location: ........
Posts: 15288

..... and a tip .....

Try and ruffle up a copy of Papillon. It's light reading and by Jesus does it make one's personal problems seem miniscule.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: A New England
Posts: 9187

My life is great by the way.

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Registered: Dec 2004
Location: Beringia
Posts: 5640

Yeah, mines pretty awesome too.

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Registered: Feb 2004
Location: alaska
Posts: 17510

quote:

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Matt hasn’t missed a beat since the split. He’s dated and tricked with more guys in the last six months than I have in the last ten years.

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Registered: Dec 2002
Location:
Posts: 17013

quote:

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...I will remain here for now. I will find a job and start paying my own way. That, at least, will give me some measure of self-esteem. If you want self-esteem, do esteemable things. The image of my former life fades a bit more every day, and I am left tracing the outlines and orbiting this black hole I have created with the mass of my imploded happiness, scabbed and crusted and impenetrably hard to the touch.

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Registered: Feb 2004
Location: in colorado somewhere!
Posts: 27525

Thanks for sharing,Mug. You gotta count your blessings. Your dad it seems loves you unconditionally,no matter how many arguments you may have,no matter what direction in life you take,he's there for you.
You're a lucky man.
I think dad wants you only to be happy. And you done alot of work for him too.(I know freeloaders,and you're not one of them.)
I wouldn't stress too much. Just take things one day at a time.
Good Luck.

Just to throw this in here,I delivered pizza to support my family years back. It's hell on mileage,but overall it made good money.
And I don't think anyone would stiff you!

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Vote for OBAMA so Wonder can FLY and FUCK YOU HAWLEY!!

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: Denver
Posts: 20225

Call me anytime Frank, and remember, if you need to get away for a while, the old southern bitch would love to see you.

-m

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Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Hilbert Space
Posts: 35917

At least you're not moping around, leeching off your dad and feeling sorry for yourself, old stick.

EDIT: Should have read what you posted.

Last edited by Smug Git on 08-03-2005 at 12:56 AM

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Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Hilbert Space
Posts: 35917

Oxsan had best redraft his will to comprise the words 'and to my children: Frank owes you all a lot of money. Don't hold your breath'.

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Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 18761

Actually, it should read: Hold yer breath until I tell you to stop.

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Registered: May 2003
Location: N. Texas
Posts: 3639

Hey.........with a few differences we have tread much of the same path bro. I just got started on the drastic Geographics before you did, and there are more crack whores and less alcohol in my story. I always try to convince myself that I'm at my best when I'm in a new place or away from home and family. Those old habits or limiting influences dont affect me when I'm away, I'm sharper......I have to survive and always give my all. That is such Bullshit because we always gravitate back to zero, we return to the scene of the crime......It's our nature.

Frank, you have a real gift for describing you own malaise and apathy in such a sorrowful and beautiful way.....but the real truth of the matter is that you are not going to change until something becomes so uncomfortable or painful that you can't stand it any longer. Then and only then will you make any effort to bring significant and lasting changes back into your life. You've got to raise your standards, start making some good decisions, and take action everyday.

You need to get on with living your life, this is the same story rehashed chapter and verse. Names and locations change but the common denominator never does, nor do you seem willing to anymore. Having ones well being tied to the outcome of a given situation is dangerous. Remember that expectations are resentments in training.

My life will be great when _________ happens.
My life with __________ will be wonderful.
If I only had ___________ things would start to get better.

For me growing up in public at 43 has still not gotten any easier, but I'm willing to try. I feel strange describing problems in meetings with people who have not fucked off their entire adult lives or partied for 27 years. I humble myself and discuss things anyway, I always hear something that has weight and meaning for me. Maybe it's in the telling or in confession that I heal, grow, and move forward.

I'm a chronic malcontent who's in full flight from reality, and I'll reach for anything that will help me block out the reality of today.

later

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Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 18761

Oddly enough, I sat down with Dad yesterday morning and had a talk and came to some decisions about what I'm going to do with my life. Things will change materially on 1 Sept, but the decision and the action I've taken since yesterday morning have lifted a ten-ton weight off my shoulders.

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Registered: Feb 2004
Location: in colorado somewhere!
Posts: 27525

I watched "Free Willy" the other day. Poor whale kinda reminded me of this blog. He had all he wanted to eat,a safe solitude but his fin was limp. Then the boy set him free.
It was fun.

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Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 18761

jesus, LF, you crack me the fuck up.


My fin was limp, so the boy set me free.

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: Denver
Posts: 20225

LF for presid.. err, well Court Jester maybe.

-m

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