Registered: Oct 2000
Location: canadian rockies
Posts: 1526

Angst

You know those self-pitying, self-serving little rants people put up now again about how poor the current conditions of their lives are. Well I guess this is one of those.

I am at a crossroads. (cliche avenue and angst boulevard by the looks of it.) I seem unable to be fufilled where I am but I love it too much to leave.

The rest of the world seems like a "Wild and Savage place". The values that seem to lead to happiness for so many seem so ill considered to me. And yet, I find them impossible to escape. Grotesque consumption and consumerism, vapid and banal priorities, judgement and condemnation for every diverse identity that people encounter. I just don't get it, yet I pull up to the pump with everyone else. Am I one of the Sheople?

Sure I recycle. I try to the some of those things which seem right to me but the next step, the step which removes my mouth from the teat eludes me.

How would you do it? Escape a society that both boggles you and yet encapsulates your world. Did you ever see The Prisoner? What do you suggest Asylumite? Join a commune, take up heroin, begin sending letter bombs to MIT?

You know what bothers me the most. I feel like I have lost my passion.

I remember when I was younger feeling a near insane drive pulling me down a myriad of different paths. I wanted so much, so desperatly. Now I have trouble finding interest in anything besides my PC and Guiness. Even the mountains here seem to be moving far away. Some kind of sympathetic tectonic apathy. Emotional geography.

I had a friend, Jim. This was a guy whose life was a litany of horrors. Yet no one has ever been able to make me laugh like he could. He had that something which draws people to him. An openess and lightness that was poetic to witness. I wish I could wring him like a spongue and find the mysterious wellspring of his courage. And leap in.

Thank-you fellow asylumite for choosing to read this far. Accept my apologies as well. I will probably be fine tommorrow or the next day. I woke up this morning with dun-coloured (or do I mean dung-covered?) glasses.

I guess checking into the Asylum is therapeutic. Right up until the shock treatments begin....

selah.

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Be Brave.
Stay Strong.
Wait for the Signs.

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: b0ulder
Posts: 5128

Tectonic Apathy and Emotional Geography.

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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Bangor, ME
Posts: 10173

its cool man, we have all done it, cept mine are mostly done when im drunk
which is 50% of the time so its cool

*gives you a nice strong whiskey shot*

ere ya go, hope you feel better

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