Rokkr
cwaestor
Registered: Apr 2004
Location: Insatiation
Posts: 9025 |
Asylum Dumbfuck Tournament - Round 1 Dumbfucks w/Agendas
This is simple people, don't fuck it up.
Starting at the top of the poll, every two names are matched against each other. Pick ONE of the two to vote for.
Do the same for the next two.
There are 16 names, you should vote for 8 of them, one from each pair.
Got it? Go.
Commentary and predictions courtesy of Smug Git.
SimpleSimon: Master of the Loafer and too dumb to just die. Looks like Colonel Sanders. Serial offender in the Free Word Association thread. A tough side of the draw, but don't count this one-armed mostly-paralysed crippled old codger out.
Versus
Jeitarium: After a quiet start, has blossomed into full epic dumbfuckery in PDM through woeful misreading of background material. The question we all want answered is 'has he peaked yet'? Will get a needed blooding this year, but a strong contender for next year's competition, if he holds his course.
Euphorbia: Wearing her heart on her sleeve, Euphorbia isn't afraid to share every aspect of her life with a forum of sarcastic misogynist. Voted for Bush, but what do you expect, she's a woman, duh. Opinion is divided as to whether she was dumber to put a gun in Phil's mouth or to do it without first ensuring that the gun was loaded.
Versus
Pinecrika: Feared by trees and dogs everywhere, Pinecrika's enthusiasm for irresponsible gun use has not been significantly tempered by the responsibilities of fatherhood. Even in Idaho, they don't think he's too smart. A heavily armed dark horse.
Lanin: Everyone strongly suspects that Lanin has smoked Mugtoe's pole and this disturbing image tends to overshadow some of the very creditable efforts that Lanin has made in the field of dumbfuckery. Not that supping from the cup of Mug isn't a strong indicator of dumbfuckery in itself. No one can read his posts without imagining him kneeling on the bathroom floor with his head in the toilet, gurgling 'yeah, yeah, give it to me big boy, I like it hard' while Mugtoe cornholes away like a jackrabbit on speed.
Versus
Philjit: The extraordinary lameness of the Phil00ky 'experiment' can never be truly forgotten; like 3-day old skunk roadkill, its vile stench permeates the vicinity, a malodourous cloud of ill-advised dumbfuckery that has left a PERMANENTLY ETCHED MARK ON THE VERY SOUL OF THE FORUM.
GimpyDivo: A recent surge of dumbfuckery from GimpyDivo has brought him nearer the front of the forum consciousness but he still lacks a stupendously stupid stance for the asylumites to hang on him. The contest has come too early for him, I think.
Versus
Tesselated: The darkest of dark horses, Tesselated skirts the fringes of the forum, sniping at Intelligent Design as if anyone will pay attention to someone with a post count as low as his. You need a lot of posts before you count in this forum, bucko. Learn that lesson and post shit in the Free Word Association like the other dumbfucks. Make sure to buy friends with the pernt credits that you get and remember, if no one answers your post within the 40 seconds, it's OK to do answer it yourself.
Satan'sLeftHand: Has stuck with his father these years in the hopes of learning the secrets of Loafer-Fu, a quest that has taken them to Shitholesville, Louisiana. Continually planning to build computers that he can't come close to affording and yet to master the family art of overly definitive statements, SLH is adrift on the sea of dumbfuckery and charting no course.
Versus
Torque: Driven by his quest to find the stupidest accent in the world, a path that began in Liverpool and has finally ended in the American South, Torque's not one to let logical thought override the more satisfying course of emotional overreaction. Quiet and keeps to himself. That's what his neighbours will say when they're interviewed after he guns down 5 preschoolers for not loving America enough.
TWOO: One might think that it can only be a matter of time before Thimble realises that he needn't bother reading all that stuff that he links and pastes, because no one else will read it anyhow. To believe that, however, is to sorely underestimate the levels of deluded dumbfuckery that seethe inside this uncharacteristically rude Canadian.
Versus
Morgana: Morgana's project to fight back the ravages of time through liberal use of hairdye is almost the sole indication of the roils of dumbfuckery hidden within her pasty-skinned head. Defeat here could halt the dizzy rise to sucess that has taken her from Cleft Palate, WV, to HairLip, SC, in only a matter of decades.
Mordecai: Colorado's gayest builder and pioneer of the irritatingly pointless attribution at the end of every post (we can see who wrote the fucking thing, dickwad), Mord's life has come full circle, from a beginning as a tiny little irritation dependent on his parents, through failed marriage, Sugar Daddys and unemployment, right back to where he started. His nomination as much a feature of longevity as peak performance, Mord needs people to remember how much they hated his continual posting of pictures of his midget cock if he is to progress far.
Versus
PaintCHiPs: If life as a drunk washed-up loser has taught paint anything, it's not to try too hard. Despite his complete apathy, paint's 27 years of following his mother around have finally brought him to the brink of a meaningless degree. Will his life continue to swirl around the bowl or can he claw his way back to his previous heights of McDonalds Crew Member? Your vote could push him over the edge. Use it wisely.
Squee: Gay for Jesus, dumb for God and infused with the spirit of The Lord, Squee is driven to explain his faith, and its relevance, to a forum of drugtaking drunk porn addicted no-life saddos. If insanity is repeating the same act again and again and expecting a different result, dumbfuckery is surely preaching the Word of the Lord to scatfiends. Add in his musings on the relationship between Men and Women and Squee is one of the favourites to win the 'Dumbfucks with Agendas' bracket outright.
Versus
Memdink: Thinks that herpes is a good thing to have because it keeps him faithful. Pastes stories from NewsMaxx. Dumb, like herpes, is forever; memdink has a fine chance if he can make it over the first hurdle and build some momentum, but he's a slow starter (other than in the field of contracting STDs).
Predictions:
SimpleSimon v Jeitarium: SS makes it though name recognition and track record. Jeitarium needn't feel bitter, though, because recent promising posts show that GFY's 'Hysterically Emotional King of Retardation' crown is not beyond his grasp in the months and years to come.
Euphorbia v Pincrika. In the battle of stupid gun poses, Euphorbia comes out ahead for being a woman and voting for Bush. Because, like, women are so smart, right.
Lanin v Philjit: No real contest. Lanin's only votes come from Phil supporters, while Phil draws strong support from across the board. Life's not a popularity contest, but these fucking stupid forum polls are. Phil, at a gay canter.
GimpyDivo v Tesselated: The battle of the dark horses. GimpyDivo's recent activity gives him the clear edge in this, but the winner won't progress far. A sideshow, for this year.
SLH v Torque: A tough one to call. Torque has the experience of age and the brainwashing of the US Marine Corps on his side, but SLH has the ingenious dumbfuckery of the young male, which we underestimate at our very great peril. It's almost a tie, but I think that voter's fear of Torque's great accuracy with the long gun, and his larger store of ammunition, will drive SLH through to the second round.
Thimble's Worth of Opinion v Morgana: Thimble at a walk. Even if TWOO hadn't upset every American on the forum, the desperate and pathetic desire on the part of many male asylumites to see finally get to see Morgana's tits is too strong to risk her taking her twin limes away in a fit of pique. Thimble has at least another round in him yet.
PaintCHiPs v Mordecai: The Battle of the Bisekshual midget mommy's boys. Mord has a strong presence, but hasn't upset enough Bush supporters to prevent Paint's progress to the second round, wheras paint has blown off more than one asylum pissup BY BEING A SPINELESS MAGGOT, YOU HEAR ME, YOU FUCKING WORM? A deserved victory for Paint AND HE CAN MUSE ON THAT WHILE HE BURNS IN THE HELLFIRES.
Squee v Memdink: With much of Memdink's dumbfuckery restricted to Politicas, Squee's higher visibility efforts will allow him to steamroller on through. With a luckier draw, Memdink might have progressed, but he was doomed to eat Squee's dumbfuck dust from the moment that the names came out of the hat.[/b]
The poll is set for FOUR days. The poll will close after that.
Edit: fixed horizontal scrolling & formatting - fuck you smug - Dingle
Last edited by Dingle on 11-24-2005 at 10:59 AM
Report this post to a moderator |
IP: Logged
|
![[new thread]](/images/vb/button_newthread_off.png "Post New Thread")
![[post reply]](/images/vb/button_newreply_off.png "Post A Reply")
11-23-2005 04:26 PM
