Cruise Director
nobody special
Registered: Jan 2001
Location: Zion
Posts: 4518 |
Black Friday
I like my job, I really do. Retail gives me ample opportunity to sit back and make fun of the general public. Take today, for instance. I got to go to work at 4:30 a.m. and observe the Public in its finest hour. After spending a day observing I thought I might share a few random thoughts for those of you that may wish to go enjoy the Busiest Shopping Day Of The Year in the future.
1.) Nobody made you get your dumb ass out of bed and stand in front of my store at 5 am when it's 28 degrees today. Do not complain about it to me.
2.) No, we won't let you in early because you're cold. See #1.
3.) You still can't have my employee discount. Not even today.
4.) When I do open the doors, literally running in to my store to get that "can't live without" item makes you look like a jackass.
5.) NOTHING is such a great bargain that you should get up at 2 am to go shopping for it.
6.) No. I can't open another register. Why? Because ALL of them are already open.
7.) We have limited supply of B.F. merchandise. "Are you sure you're out?" will not magically make one appear from my anus.
8.) Calling at 5:30 am, asking to speak to the store manager, and asking me to hold B.F. merchandise for you is dumb. Especially since I do not know you better than any of the other 3,000 customers coming to my store today.
9.) Since we officially opened at 6 am, complaints about B.F. merchandise being sold out will only be tolerated until 9 am. After that you will be met with a sarcastic response of my choosing.
10.) No, legally we don't have to offer rainchecks. No, I don't believe you know the law better than the group of corporate sharks we call "attorneys" that proof our ads.
11.) When informed that B.F. merchandise is sold out, asking "How many did you have?" will also not produce results from my anus. Apparently we were at least one short.
12.) No, we will not mark down other merchandise because we sold out of B.F. merchandise. B.F. merchandise usually isn's as nice as the other stuff we normally stock. I'd bet the car dealership down the road won't sell you a Lexus at a Geo price because they are out of Prisms, either.
13.) Believe it or not, when I say "hello" I expect a similar response before you launch in to "Where's your 6 dollar toaster!?!" A cordial greeting goes a long way towards me insuring your toaster buying needs are met.
14.) Did you really expect sympathy from me that another customer took your stuff when you left your cart in the aisle stuffed with bargains to go find your relatives? At another store?
15.) No, I cannot change the Musak so it plays country versions of Christmas songs.
16.) No, I don't agree that next year we should be open Thanksgiving day. That 6 dollar toaster will have to wait until Friday.
17.) Did I hear you correctly? Are you really complaining to me that you had to park too far out in the parking lot? Please, let me disable you so you can get a cool placard for your car.
And to the lady who brought my employees cookies today and asked how our Thanksgiving was.. Thank you. You made my day and got my holiday season off on the right foot. Let me go get that Black Friday item I've been holding for you.
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11-26-2005 12:30 AM
