ignatz mouse
Mistress of Tranquility
Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Still Orygun
Posts: 10450 |
Asylum Dumbfuck Tournament: Wildcard Round 1
This is simple people, don't fuck it up.
Starting at the top of the poll, every two names are matched against each other. Pick ONE of the two to vote for.
Do the same for the next two.
There are 16 names, you should vote for 8 of them, one from each pair.
Got it?
Wild Card Bracket
This year, a new feature makes its debut in the Dumbfuck Tournament: the Wildcard Bracket. Nobody’s quite decided how it works, but we know what it’s for. Every year sees a few omissions, a few grumbles from the peanut gallery, a few people who just couldn’t make the cut. So this year, we just told the people bitching to make their own damn bracket. And here it is.
The Wildcarders are a combination of some golden oldies, some omnipresent members who, though not quite A-List Dumbfuckers, nevertheless have presences that nearly demand inclusion, and just general second stringers in the sport of dumbfuckery. Being a wildcard bracket, any of these people would be considered underdogs against the good performers in the real brackets. But nevertheless, the winners from this bracket may be able to pull off some surprises in later tournament play.
Mordecai and Large Filipino have been kind enough to provide commentary.
plum (1) vs. Mugtoe (16):
The first seeded person in this bracket is plum. If you're not familiar with plum, use the search function, you're missing some of the greatest dumbfuckery ever to grace the asylum. He attempted to make a living being a human guinea pig. He is the quintessential wannabe intellectual, proud of his ability to say absolutely nothing and almost, but not quite make it sound good. Too bad he's another young male in his early twenties who thinks he's got the world on the string, which he does, but he seems to have forgotten physics and what happens when a tiny object tries to swing a massive one. As a final nail in his coffin, he's Canadian.
Matching up against him is Mugtoe. While our chubby homosexual may be the poet laureate of the Asylum, he's also a fat, hairy old man who spends his time with people half his age, has been in and out of jail, abandoned his aging father for a love interest who not only used him to get a degree, but is uglier than hell. He's an ex-addict, alcoholic and a pothead. If you really want a treat, look for the pictures of him fellating a dildo. The real question there is which is worse, sucking cock, or sucking fake cock.
I think these two were seeded in such a manner simply because they spend so much time flirting.
morgasm (8) vs. Nutrimentia (9):
Morgasm - She's young, idealistic, a raging homo liberal who hates those rich bastards who oppress the less fortunate. She aspires to be rich and famous. Need I say more?
Nutrimentia - What do you say about a man who comes from IDAHO and now lives in JAPAN? Even more astounding, he's from Idaho and yet somehow turned in a hippy. He's shorn his locks, but the patchouli scent is still overwhelming in every whining post about the evils of capitalism, america and the clow.. I mean president. He weighs in american culture even though his own brain is so steeped in yellow fever the sky must look green to him. We can only hope he doesn't have a lawn, he'll never know where to stop mowing.
Liberal vs liberal? Who really gives a damn who wins eh?
Tray (5) vs. macker (12):
Tray - If you aren't aware of it, the nick is the name of one of the members of phish, which one I don't know, and I assure you, I don't care, nor does anyone with a job. He doesn't seem to be posting much these days, probably because it's hard to find an internet connection when you're on tour with a band that only exists because some people can't get over the fact that Jerry is dead, and this is good thing.
Macker - Macker is responsible for the hosting of the Asylum, which might make him seem above reproach, but this is the man who has amassed porn collections measured in the TERABYTES. Not so bad you think? He's done it several times, like a raging drunk, he swears off porn every so often and deletes his entire stash. Within a week he is rebuilding. People often mistake him for a bricklayer thanks to the calluses on his hands.
cw (4) vs. slappy (13):
This match needs to be decided in a baby pool full of chocolate pudding. One of them gave birth to RiZZ and the other one slept with him. No more comment necessary.
MstrG (6) vs. Devilmoon (11):
MstrG - Admin, mod, part owner of Imaginet, soft spoken sadist. So what's so stupid about him? Well for one, he's a sworn republican, and if that isn't dumbfuckery enough these days to win, what about the fact that he logs EVERYTHING. He runs the Asylum IRC server, has a log of everything that ever occurred in #wota and even #wotsp, keeps a file of every picture posted of every member, knows everyones ip address on sight. Perhaps he should be in the Creepy Bastard tourney rather than the Dumbfuck, but we don't have one of those, and besides, anyone who obsessively gathers that much info about the idiots that post here, is obviously a true dumbfuck.
Devilmoon - It's the match up of the Republicans! Who the fuck made this bracket? Oh well, Dmoon lives in Detroit, willingly. I think this has to do with the fact that he is in fact, a white rapper. Hey Dmoon, in case you hadn't noticed, the wigger from the rust belt who cusses a lot has been done already. Move to a city that isn't rotting, or sit there and move up in your bracket.
CRSR (3) vs. cornelius (14):
CRSR - Professional chef of the asylum, which you can run the truth translator and come up with "Works in restaurants because he can't do anything else and is hoping that some day it might pay him a wage that would keep him from ending up homeless on a regular basis" To top off this general low-level dumbfuckery, he goes to an asylum piss-up and plays the part of the guy who gets drunk and arrested. This wouldn't be too bad if he wasn't a Canadian in America when it happened. Yeah, way to show them Americans how civilized you Canucks are. Did I mention he is Canadian? Yeah.
Cornelius - A limey living in Spain, with no real means of support. He claims to be doing work for the BBC, which you can probably interpret to mean he's blowing someone. He's hosted a number of Asylumites at his place, including Goatboy and Mugtoe. I believe he was initially greeted by Mugtoe sticking his finger up his arse, and he was so overjoyed, he showed Mugtoe a great time for a week. A great time? I mean courted hepatitis.
Mokkori (7) vs. ponymom (10):
Mokkori - I can only assume she was nominated because she lives in northern sweden. NORTHERN. SWEDEN. She likes it up there. Somewhere near the artic circle, her brain is probably frozen into a solid block, which might explain why she payed money to have her hair dyed in a skunk look-a-like pattern. Maybe she's a closet furry, I just don't know
Ponymom - Oh dear lord, where do I start? I'll start with asking how she isn't top seeded in every bracket. This woman is here because she was rooting through the bookmarks on the computer of her dead son. Her 'accidental overdose' dead son. According to one who knew her son well, she rejected her son because he didn't fit into her perfect christian world pattern, and the son basically was a depressed loser because his momma kicked him to the curb. Now his mother has shown up here to try and assuage her guilt over killing her son, and of course to preach the word of god. The word of god, in an asylum, where 'fuck' is more commonly spoken that 'jesus' and when 'jesus' is mentioned it's usually in conjuction with 'fuck.' Yeah, this is stunning dumbfuckery.
pj (2) vs. WeaselSpoor (15):
pj - Ok, this limey has a degree in self-wankery, he was a film student, and has contributed such stunning bits of wisdom like an in-depth analysis of "The Matrix." Thank you pj, for plumbing the depths of a pool that couldn't drown a toddler. He's since become a nurse, because he realized his film degree and a few pence was going to buy him a sharp stick in the eye and a warm subway grate if he was lucky. He's also declared that he hates his home country and wants to move to america, and has become a big fan of american football. He pontificates at length about the subject, is usually wrong and will flail about madly when you point it out. Read his greatest hits in the sports forum.
Weasel Spoor - He's got the glamorous music industry job, with drugs and coke whores everywhere, and yet he posts here. He has so little personality, everyone confuses him with funkyrooster, his former flatmate. He also has spent far too much time explaining to deaf ears that downloading copyrighted mp3s is illegal, to which the general public still says, "You're a poopiehead, and that makes it ok." Brilliant, why don't you go talk to a deaf-mute for a while, it would definitely accomplish more.
---------------------------
-m
And in case you still can’t make your mind up, I give you.....commentary by Large Filipino:
Wow. This is hard. Ok.
Plum~We told him to fuck off,but he kept coming back.
Mugtoe~is sooo ghey but that dosen't make his personality. He's really just a lost soul looking for another....no.
Morgasm~rhymes with orgasm and does so with her stuffed animals by her bed....no.
Nute~likes little Japaneese girls but loves his family more...no.
Tray~nothing pisses this man off. He's too stoned to be upset about anything...damm.
Macker~his other forum was lame so he joined our clan so he can be accepted......arrr.
CW~owns a kitty cat and misses rokkr.
Slappy~is about to get gang banged by a bunch of limey asylumites soon and will post pics.
MstrG~All hail MstrG....uh.
Devilmoon~If a supermodel were to come to him while working on his rod and he can see that she's not wearing panties and she's dripping with estacy,he'll probably tell her to wait over there while he fixes his car.
CRSR~Made it to Montreal after deciding to drop everything and move on and landed in jail during a pissup.....uh.
Cornelious~who the hell is this guy?
Mokorri~Asian.......hot.....????????
Ponymom~Oh man. What can.....this is hard!
Pj~Who?
Weaselspoor~Limey that does not like hair...mmmm.
Damn. This is hard.
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11-27-2005 08:20 AM
