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Viva Le Me
Registered: Jul 2000
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Posts: 26383 |
Knocking Yourself Out
So, I just got back from a root canal, and want you guys to amuse me.
The root canal is because of a little dental problem I managed to acquire. Specifically, I smashed my face against something really hard some weeks ago, and killed a couple teeth. I've never had a perfect smile to begin with, but after knocking about half of my front two teeth out and severing their nerves, I now look a little like Cletus. I did the root canal today, I'll go back for caps or whatever in June. My front tooth is basically black and only about half there.
Here's how it happened.
In late March early April, can't remember exactly when, I got sick. Like, the kind of thing you don't see coming, a 12 hour bug, wherein one minute you're fine, the next minute you think to yourself "Hrm, my stomach feels odd", and 15 minutes later you've essentially liquified everything in your body and it's spewing out of all orifices. I remember exactly the moment I had that thought "Odd, I feel a tad out of sorts"; just kind of a curious academic thought. Within an hour I was sprawled on my bathroom floor.
So, I was violently ill. It sucked. I don't get sick often, and this was a four alarm sort of deal, all hands on deck. I started shitting like tubgirl, and then puking so bad I was basically just convulsing and spewing like the pit in Army of Darkness. Every five minutes, one or the other or both. So, the first few rotations of this was really bad, but then when I had basically already expunged all solids, the convulsions got worse because my body was taking great pains to find any remaining bit of moisture inside me, wretching it loose, and expunging it in as violent and unpleasant a manner as possible.
Maybe the third or fourth go around--mind you, not an hour from when I was feeling dandy and that strange thought occurred to me--I'm sitting on the toilet and filling it fast. I also realize I'm about to puke. So I finish up on the south end, and then just kind of lean forward to get my head over the bathtub. I'm kind of half sitting on the toilet half bending over the bathtub when the wave hits me and I'm once again violently ill.
Problem is, in that position, I'm pretty much nose to nose with the inside wall of the tub. When I'm suddenly wracked with convulsions, the last thing I remember was my head jerking real violently and the vague taste of porcelin and vomit.
The next thing I remember I'm on the floor, flat on my back, on the other side of the bathroom. I have no idea where I am at first, and only slowly as the sound of running water returns to me and I blink away the haze of the ceiling lights burning down at me do I start piecing things together. I'm in my bathroom, and am sick, right? I start to sit up a bit. There's puke basically everywhere--walls, ceiling, all over me, etc--and though it takes me a minute to realize it, I'd shit myself too, my bathrobe flayed open under me, naked as a jaybird. I'm also dripping blood from my face, and I feel like I've just gotten in a barfight, lost, and then was chucked out into the alley. It's a weird kind of feeling, sitting up like that. You don't really know where to start.
Anyway, by the time I thought to look in a mirror, I realize, in my convulsion, I'd managed to smash my face against my bathtub. I'm nearly missing my two front teeth and bleeding from my nose and mouth.
The rest of the night passed like this, and 12 hours after it started, just as quick it was gone. The next three days though was basically recuperation.
One of my teeth is just kind of chipped, the other has a big hunk missing but seems alright. I managed to not break my nose, which is good, so I make a dentist appointment. He tells me that I'll probably want a cap or something, but to keep an eye on the teeth. I do, and notice fairly quickly and with some alarm a week later when my teeth start turning black. Damndest thing. Black. wtf.
So, I had to go back in and have a root canal done, with some more dental work to come. The terrible thing is I wasn't even drunk or anything when it happened; it would be a lot easier to take if I had gotten punched in the face, or gotten violently wasted, or whatever. But no. Just managed to knock myself out.
Anybody else ever manage to do something like that? Share. Please. I could use the moral support.
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05-19-2006 03:08 PM
