Registered: Apr 2005
Location: wookin pa nub
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fubar
I'm new to guilt.

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Registered: Jan 2006
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you're lucky she didnt bite your dick off. honestly some guys just arent careful.

"But I LOVE you!" *stab*.

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Registered: Feb 2004
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if im not mistaken, this is the first blog post that i didn't regret reading.

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Registered: Apr 2005
Location: wookin pa nub
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Wow, I'm honored. (and a little disturbed)

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Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Hilbert Space
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On the plus side, if you had stuck with her, you'd have two dead kids.

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Registered: Apr 2005
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See Smug, you've got to understand that, try as you might, you'll never get pregnant by swallowing cum.

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Registered: Feb 2004
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You should send condolences...and a room key...maybe.

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Registered: Apr 2004
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quote:

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Originally posted by fubar
See Smug, you've got to understand that, try as you might, you'll never get pregnant by swallowing cum.

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Registered: Apr 2005
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Except that there were about 3 years between the last time I spooged in her mouth and the time her first kid was born.

Wouldn't woman's gonads be her ovaries? Seems like a lot of effort to go through just to enjoy an ectopic pregnancy.

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Registered: Apr 2005
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Besides, she would have had to barf up my cum in order to impregnate herself. She didn't have much of an opportunity to hold it in her mouth.

I guess it is possible though.

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Registered: Aug 2001
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quote:

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Originally posted by fubar
See Smug, you've got to understand that, try as you might, you'll never get pregnant by swallowing cum.

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Registered: Apr 2005
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I reread what you had written after making my comment and realized I probably misunderstood your intent.

Apologies.

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quote:

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Originally posted by fubar
Except that there were about 3 years between the last time I spooged in her mouth and the time her first kid was born.

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Registered: Apr 2005
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Wow, I guess you're right.

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Registered: Dec 2005
Location: uk
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fubar, some niggling points...

i wonder if you've got to grips with the secret language of love yet.
"no, please stop, you're too big" doesn't necessarily mean you're about to become a rapist.
likewise, when a girl tells you she loves you and your reply includes homemade pecan pies,
you bear some responsibility for how that gets translated to the received declaration of love.

some would say that "the best head i've ever had" from a deep-throating swallower is a form of true love.
do you know your own mind? (before answering that, think about how easy it was for your friend to push you into a blowjob that you didn't want.)
all this "trying to explain" things to her doesn't wash.
meanwhile, despite only ever having had one date with her, you were introduced to most of her family...!? hmm...

i don't believe you're going to get rid of your guilt without being honest with yourself first.

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Registered: Apr 2005
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I'ma niggle yo nigglin'.

I reminded her almost weekly that she and I were not an item. I'd say things like "let me know if you are wanting to get serious, because I'm just in this for sex" or "quit introducing me as your boyfriend because I'm just using you for sex." or the ever so subtle "I don't love you". I had no problem being straightforward with her from the get-go.

I'm not going to say that she wasn't pleasant company beyond sex, because she was. At least until she started the "I love you" bit. Then she would show up where I work and watch me work for hours. I'd leave for lunch through the back of the building (because that's where my truck was, not because I pussed out) and when I'd get back, she'd be right where I left her.

And it's not that I didn't want a bj. I did. Her's were fantastic. It was just that she wasn't going to go away regardless of whether or not I fed her. So I might as well get my rocks off. I know that's a jerk mentality, but I was young and good looking then, a luxury I don't have anymore.

The reason I met her family is that I'd routinely head over to her place after work for a session and her family would be there. I'd walk in the front door, be introduced as Cherry's boyfriend, fubar, tell them that I wasn't her boyfriend, then head off to her bedroom for a foie gras session. When we were done, I'd get up and leave. I estimated that I got a bj from her three times a night, five days a week for at least 6 months. That's what, about 2 gallons of cum, maybe 2.5? After the first month, maybe two, I never got anything but oral from her. Which was fine. Those pecan pies were piling on.

And the reason I am feeling guilty is because I am being honest with myself. Despite my best efforts, she wouldn't get the hint, and I took advantage of it. I even got a bit of morbid pleasure out of it the last week or two she was around. I could have chosen to not receive anymore from her, but I didn't.

And btw, I have unfortunately never had someone tell me "no, please stop, you're too big." It was more like, "that's a big clit".

Last edited by fubar on 07-26-2006 at 04:36 PM

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Registered: Dec 2005
Location: uk
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a clear case of actions speaking louder than words then.
i say go and visit her, hold her hand awhile. be strong for her, and say NO to any for-old-times'-sake bj offers.

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Registered: Apr 2005
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She's married and I'm married, not to each other, obviously. I have no intention of going to see her, or even offer my condolensces. While I'm not so arrogant as to think I'm the last person she'd want to see, I bet I'm pretty close to the bottom.

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Registered: Dec 2005
Location: uk
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all the more reason to go. tear down the walls.

edit: (have you ever really absolved yourself of guilt thru one of these lazy internet confessionals?)

Last edited by paultheo on 07-28-2006 at 11:57 AM

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quote:

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Originally posted by fubar
I guess I'm feeling guilty that I had added what appeared from my vantage point to be a pretty miserable year to her life.

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quote:

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Originally posted by paultheo
all the more reason to go. tear down the walls.

edit: (have you ever really absolved yourself of guilt thru one of these lazy internet confessionals?)

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Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:

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Originally posted by mattdk
Not sure I'm understanding your feeling of guilt. Feel like you used her even though you told her you didn't want a girlfriend? Was she reminded of this fact the whole time? Don't see the connection to her dead kids somehow. Forgive my comprehension skills.

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Registered: Feb 2004
Location: in colorado somewhere!
Posts: 26136

fubar. You feel guilt cause you were her first heartbreak. And now she's struggling something you wouldn't wish on anyone. In a strange way,you almost feel RESPONSIBLE for her kid's deaths,like if you changed back the clock and just fucking dumped her the moment she said she loved you instead of sticking around for the great head,that maybe she would have rebouned a different way in her life and she wouldn't have been in the perdicament she was in that caused the loss of her kiddies.
Fuck all that,man. It's not your fault. Send condolences by a card...shit....sign it Anonymous. At least when she get's it,she'll know someone out there cared.
At least then you know you're not the monster woman user you thought you would always be.

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