Interesting thoughts. Is it possible that some settle for "good enough" (even when it's really not) due not only to fear, but also a self-evaluation which suggests that they will be unable to attract better? I guess that's not actually that different, is it?
And it tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy--to some degree, the more one thinks of oneself as unworthy, the more one tends not to be attractive to worthy mates. Instead, I would guess one tends to attract those who feel they can prey on that feeling.
What sort of internal compromise do you mean? The feeling that "what I have is pretty good; it's not worth the risk to leave it and find better"? How would one know if one had found a good mate?
I feel very happy with my wife; she's more than I ever expected. I know I'd be a fool to look elsewhere. I guess I think that because she is all of the things I hoped for, and many things I never dreamed of.
Would that be a good set of criteria for finding a good mate? To make a sort of mental list of required qualifications and desired characteristics, and take the first one which meets all of the required ones at least?
Sometimes it's painful because somebody is many things that you admire and love, but not one or two key things you absolutely require. Or, people discover that they want very different basic things out of life, like one partner decides never to have children, regardless of whether the other partner wants a family. Everybody in your life may think you have a good thing going, but you can hear the clock ticking and wonder when it's going to go off. It's also possible to be the type of person for whom there's no such thing as "good enough" -- if it's not right, you won't settle, no matter how painful to both sides and even if it means being alone again.
quote:Originally posted by Talarohk
I feel very happy with my wife; she's more than I ever expected. I know I'd be a fool to look elsewhere. I guess I think that because she is all of the things I hoped for, and many things I never dreamed of.
hey guys, something tells me Lu will soon be up for grabs.
hiya Lu. so.....in or out of a relationship, it's all about the endurance of pain motivated by fear of.....more pain? fuck that's a bleak outlook for a young gorgeous girl. how much have you compromised to this one already? plenty time to get it back, in or out of it. ok, i'm young too so what do i know, but some extreme experiences taught me alot about what i don't want and must refuse to accept if i don't wanna lose meself. i became a passive target to a pattern of sweet boyfreinds who turned out to be control freaks. the last one held on so tight, he kinda accidentally almost smashed my head open, then locked me in a room for a day. poor boy flipped. it's too easy to blame other people for what they're doing to you. for me it was time to look at what i was putting out and go at my patterns with a sledgehammer. now i'm enjoying numerous open relations. have you considered a year out, exploring the world as a single girl?
Live in the moment. Be patient. Know how to get what you need. Write a cunnilingus guide, intimately describing the act of making love to a vagina with your tongue.
So it's like climbing a cliff...blind. Every foothold so far is safe but yet you hope the next one won't loosen and you fall to your death. But then some do make it to the top. But what is the top?
What is the top?
I need weed.
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01-17-2008 05:15 AM
