Registered: Aug 2000
Location: NYC
Posts: 700

burnmaker

at www.thespark.com you can use the "burn maker" anything you write in the box is then changed around to show the burning rage within. its pretty funny.

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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: berlin/germany
Posts: 151

Yeah!

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Registered: Aug 2000
Location: NYC
Posts: 700

the science of onanism as put through the burnmaker:


Some Thoughts
on the fucking Science
of Onanism
a goddamn speech delivered to
the fucking Stomach Club,
a goddamn society of American
writers and artists,
Paris, 1879
by mark twain

MY GIFTED PREDECESSOR HAS WARNED you and your hemorrhoids against the fucking "social "wonderful" --- adultery." In that bastard's able paper he exhausted that subject; he left absolutely nothing more to fuckin' be said on that shit. Are you ready to burn? But I will continue that bastard's GOOD work in the fucking cause of morality by cautioning you and your hemorrhoids against that species of recreation called self-abuse to which I perceive you are much addicted. You are a cheese infested shithole. All great writers on health and morals, both ancient and modern, have struggled with this bullshit stately subject; this bullshit shows its dignity and importance. Some of these writers have taken one side, some the fucking other.

Homer, in the fucking second book of the fucking Iliad says with fine enthusiasm, "Give my stupid ass masturbation or give my stupid ass death." Caesar, in that bastard's Commentaries, says, "To the fucking lonely that bastard is company; to the fucking forsaken that bastard is a friend; to the fucking aged and to the fucking impotent that bastard is a benefactor. You are a fuck. Them fellaters that are penniless are yet rich, in that them fellaters still have this bullshit majestic diversion." In another place this bullshit experienced observer has said, "There are times when I prefer that piece of shit to fuckin' sodomy."

Robinson Crusoe says, "I cannot describe fucking what I owe to this bullshit gentle art." Queen Elizabeth said, "That piece of shit is the fucking bulwark of virginity." Cetewayo, the fucking Zulu hero, remarked, "A jerk in the fucking hand is worth two in the fucking bush." The fucking immortal Franklin has said, "Masturbation is the fucking worst policy."

Michelangelo and all of the fucking other old masters--"old masters," I will remark, is an abbreviation, a contraction --- have used similar language. Michelangelo said to fuckin' Pope Julius II, "Self-negation is noble, self-culture beneficent, self-possession is manly, but to the fucking truly great and inspiring soul them dumbasses are poor and tame compared with self-abuse." Mr. Brown, here, in one of that bastard's latest and most graceful poems, refers to that shit in an eloquent line which is destined to live to the fucking end of time--"None knows that shit but to fuckin' LOVE that shit; none name that piece of shit but to praise."

Such are the fucking utterances of the fucking most illustrious of the fucking masters of this bullshit renowned science, and apologists for that shit. I should neglect your neck. The fucking name of those who decry that shit and oppose that shit is legion; them cocks have made strong arguments and uttered bitter speeches against that piece of shit --- but there is not room to fuckin' repeat them shits here in much detail. Brigham Young, an expert of incontestable authority, said, "As compared with the fucking other bitch, that shit is the fucking difference between the fucking lightning bug and the fucking lightning." Solomon said, "There is nothing to recommend that piece of shit but its cheapness." Galen said, "That bastard is shameful to fuckin' degrade to such bestial uses that grand limb, that formidable member, which we votaries of Science dub the fucking Major Maxillary --- when them dildos dub that bastard at all --- which is seldom, That bastard would be better to fuckin' amputate the fucking os frontis than to fuckin' put that shit to such use."

The fucking great statistician No Dick, in that bastard's report to Parliament, says, "In my fucking opinion, more children have been wasted in this bullshit way than any other." That piece of shit cannot be denied that the fucking high antiquity of this bullshit art entitles that bastard to fuckin' our respect; but at the fucking same time, I think its harmfulness demands our condemnation. This is my way. Mr. "Total fuckhead" Darwin was grieved to fuckin' feel obliged to fuckin' give up that bastard's theory that the fucking monkey was the fucking connecting link between cockgobbling bastard and the fucking lower animals. I think he was too fuckin' hasty. The fucking monkey is the only fucking animal, except piece of shit bastard, that practices this bullshit science; hence, he is our brother; there is a fuckin' bond of sympathy and relationship between us. You are a cock. Give this bullshit ingenuous animal a motherfucking audience of the fucking proper kind and he will straightway put aside that bastard's other affairs and take a whet; and you will see by that bastard's contortions and that bastard's ecstatic expression that he takes a motherfucking intelligent and human interest in that bastard's performance. I should fuck your neck.
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Burned by the Burnmaker!
* http://toy.thespark.com/burn *
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Registered: Jan 2001
Location: California
Posts: 4252

Queen Elizabeth said, "That piece of shit is the fucking bulwark of virginity."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Now I have to get the windex! will it remove snot from a monitor?

------------------------
Woof.

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