Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Wetaskiwin AB, Canada
Posts: 1438

Have you ever thought about suicide?

I have been. Alot lately.
In some ways, it seems appealing, in others, pretty stupid.
See, I don't like pain, and besides, I'm a coward. I always have this voice going off upstairs saying "Things can't get any worse, they'll only get better". Then, I get slapped upside the head with something new, and entirely suck ass. Everytime I think things can't get any worse, life shows me where thinking gets you.
I don't know what to say to make you think I'm super insightful, smart, wittingly sarcastic, or even a little bit humourous. All I can say is in the past few weeks, I have felt increasingly depressed, and spending alot of time wondering what's on the other side of this coin. I feel like a giant dissapointment to Deanna, my family, and myself. I know that deep down, I'd never actually off myself, it's just too painful, hard on family, cowardly, and most of all, permanent. But, I just can't help thinking about it, wondering if it's different on that other side I mentioned earlier. All I ever see around me is misery and lunacy. Kids shooting each other at school, how proud each country is of their war toys, even the other day - someone posted a link to an Ultimate Fighting Championship video clip. After I took a look at that, I was horrified. I actually got tears over that. It makes me sad as hell that people do that to each other, beating each other into a state of unconsiousness and calling it sport. To actually smash your elbow into someones face until they are bloody and broken is barbaric and stupid. I was going to say something then, but I figured I'd be laughed off the forum.
I value what you people think of me and what I say, no matter how much I want to tell myself that I don't care, because I do, but am I the only one who found that depressing?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking anybody for affirmation, I just felt like saying it. I read posts all the time, and never respond, I just don't want to be singled out as a loser like I was on the SPF back in the days of DjStretCH.
If I am, I guess I'll have to accept that. I just feel that my opinion is worth something, and alot of you are cool enough to respect that.
But the point of all this is, most of the people here are in their late teens or early 20's, and I guess I want to ask you for the truth. Have you ever thought about suicide, or have you ever known someone who has commited suicide?
I think more people have than will admit to it, but how do you deal with extreme stress or depression? What got you through the rough spots?

-Anth3m-

------------------
Become ASYLUMATED

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: All East Coast : USA
Posts: 2450

Anth3m, I know that everyone has felt that way, but as you can see, they're still here

One way or another people have took into consideration how horrible their lives can be but always remember why it's worth living.

Make it your job to do something good for yourself, to overcome what saddens you. Be the mightiest Anth3m you can be. Things can't be bad all the time ya know?

------------------------
- brimstone

"We are the all knowing, all loving, monks of war"

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 15130

I've thought about it, especially when I'm really depressive. But never really seriously. I mean, there is never an actual chance that I'll kill myself. The idea is just unappealing to me.

As for others, I can't think of anyone who's actually killed themselves, but I do know a couple people who tried... My ex girlfriend, for one, took a bunch of sleeping pills, slept for 3 days, but didn't manage to kill herself. Her friend also tried, and also failed.

Oh well. It's normal to contemplate suicide. Just don't actually try.

------------------------
All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental. -- Kurt Vonnegut
Graphic Cheeseworks.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: :noitacoL
Posts: 2327

I was once in love with a girl named Deanne, but that was a long time ago and an entirely different story.

Have I ever thought about suicide? Yes, and quite often. In fact I'm thinking about it right now. I often wonder what people would say and think, and what they would do, how their reactions would be and so on. Would anyone come to my funeral? Would those people on the internet who I've trusted more than anyone I've ever actually seen still remember me 10 years down the road? And then there's always the question of will I be wrong about death? What if I've been wrong all this time and there IS an afterlife. What if I go to Hell? What if I have been RIGHT and there is nothing? It's all very scary.

How do I deal with extreme stress and depression? Music is the first thing I go to, loud, crazy, screaming, emotional music. I also lash out against my friends and alienate myself a lot. I try talking to my closer friends, but I always doubt they even really care. The only thing that keeps me from doing anything is fear of the uncertain.

Fear fear fear. Its always fear. Fear keeps me from doing everything I want to, and makes me think and do everything I don't.

------------------------
©RandomnothinG®
THE FASCINATION SHALL BECOME HORROR!

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 4875

I think about it a lot, all the time really. My great aunt just killed herself, I didnt go to the funeral because I never met her and felt it would be fake and disrespectful if I went at all. Suicide is the stupidest thing a person could ever do. Thats it, once you did it your done. You will never be able to undo it. I am going to kill myself probably in a few months, have to work out people that may care about me in real life, get them to hate me and all so they wont be sad when I do it. Then I can quickly get anybody here who likes to pretend they care about me to hate me in a few days. Then I am good to go! I don't want to do it really, but I'm weak and its so easy.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: :noitacoL
Posts: 2327

quote:

---

Originally posted by tack:
You will never be able to undo it.

---

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 4875

quote:

---

Originally posted by SkapeGoat:
That's the same for everything else in this world.

---

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beatrice, Nebraska
Posts: 18808

"Duty is as heavy as a mountain, death as a feather."

-Lan

------------------------
Have a good day, and if you feel like subjecting your genitals to high doses of x-ray radiation I'm sure the world will kindly thank you.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: :noitacoL
Posts: 2327

quote:

---

Originally posted by tack:
bullshit, you can undo almost everything.

---

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 4875

quote:

---

Originally posted by SkapeGoat:
Prove it.

---

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: :noitacoL
Posts: 2327

quote:

---

Originally posted by tack:
If you werent so constantly involved with your own pig fuckering you'd know by now.

---

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 1353

I don't really ever think of suicide in a traditional sence. that is to say that I would never intentionally kill myself. however, I probbly do spend more time than I should thinking about death and being dead. while I never feel like doing myself in, I often feel like I'm just waiting to die. I don't get worried about doing things that might get me killed (like riding my motorcycle at 120mph through bay area traaffic on a regular basis) because I don't feel like I should be scared of dying. I don't really know how to explain it better than that. do I want to die? no. would I care if I did? also no.

------------------------
¤¬=(©) .. boOM!!

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Nov 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 4776

I don't like suicide. It's the cheap, easy way out and shows little concern for those that love you.

I'm not going to pretend to know what you're going through, I've never had a long term depression problem, but the one thing to be happy about is that you've got the most kickass mp3 collection that I've ever seen...

------------------------
Honesty is more than accuracy in words

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 4501

A very brief story...

When I turned about 9 or 10, little chemicals in my brain started jumping around, and I began to get increasingly introverted. This increased; by the time I was 11 or 12, I was constantly thinking about death. To put it frankly, I worshipped death. All I could think about was how to die, and what it'd be like once I did. I briefly considered other people, but I was so locked into myself that I didn't really dwell on anyone else's sorrows or feelings about me. I was selfish to the point where I didn't realize anyone else had issues aside from me.

At thirteen, I finally began experimenting with death. I began with 10 aspirins; that caused no more than mild sickness and dizziness. The next time, I took twenty-four. Some hallucinations, never the effect I was looking for (death). The third time, I took the rest of the aspirin bottle, 8 theodore tablets, 2 penicillin, the rest of a bottle of ibuprofen, and laid down happily. I was fully-prepared in my own mind to die.

Within an hour, I began vomiting. I was furious that it was coming back up. Eventually, the vomit turned to blood. I was afraid that my parents would wake up and interrupt what I was doing, so I grabbed a bucket and hid in the basement, waiting to bleed to death. It didn't happen. I just kept vomiting. My mother found me and asked what was going on. I told her, and she called our pediatrician. The doctor told her to bring me in as soon as possible. When I came in, they asked what I took, and flipped out about the theodore. A few tests indicated that the theodore had burned a hole in my stomach. Had I not taken the penicillin, I would have been dead; it's what made me vomit.

It wasn't until about three days later that things began to come into perspective for me. My parents must have thought me hateful, because I couldn't understand why they were upset that I nearly died. When it finally did occur to me what was going on in my head for real, and what it was doing to other people, I became consumed with guilt and an intense desire to "get well."

I'll never be well, according to the psychologists and psychiatrists. This has developed into something they call cyclothymia; I prefer now to call it a different perspective. So my sleep habits don't exactly concur with the recommended 8 hours a day; so I periodically hit a natural high that would blow a drug addict away, same with a natural low.

The point is: everyone, at some point, has to recover from guilt. Has to learn to conquer fear to the point where it doesn't continue to cripple them. Each new situation teaches us this, provides us an opportunity for growth. I had to get over feeling like I was sick, and I think I'm finally getting there.

I hope the same for you, anth3m, and wish you the best.

------------------------
Deny closure. Honor ambiguity.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 2566

quote:

---

Originally posted by brimstone:
Anth3m, I know that everyone has felt that way, but as you can see, they're still here

One way or another people have took into consideration how horrible their lives can be but always remember why it's worth living.

Make it your job to do something good for yourself, to overcome what saddens you. Be the mightiest Anth3m you can be. Things can't be bad all the time ya know?

---

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Wetaskiwin AB, Canada
Posts: 1438

quote:

---

Originally posted by macker:
*SNIP*... but the one thing to be happy about is that you've got the most kickass mp3 collection that I've ever seen...

---

Ok, that made me feel immensly better... I actually laughed. I haven't done that all day...



------------------------
Become ASYLUMATED

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Wetaskiwin AB, Canada
Posts: 1438

P.S.

It was said earlier by Scapegoat: "those people on the internet who I've trusted more than anyone I've ever actually seen".

I actually trust talking to you people more than ppl around me in real life. It really kicks alot of ass that you people don't jump all over a thread like this and flame the hell out of it. Not just with my post, but with other serious ones too.
Generally speaking, you people are a terrific bunch, and easier to talk to.. I regard each of you as friends.


Thanks for the ears. (And advice)

------------------------
Become ASYLUMATED

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: baton rouge, la
Posts: 4101

yup, a bunch. really, i don't have any reasons to stick around other than to make certain people angry. after all, i have enemies to keep up with. as soon as i run sout of villains its time to go ahead and end it.

------------------------
Cats hate water about as much as you hate getting your face torn to shreds by frantic cat claws. - PittyKitty

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: NYC
Posts: 700

suicide not too much. but i'll be honest, i think about dying all the time. at first i used to think about being wounded while doing something heroic then amazingly clinging to life and pulling through. then i started to fantasize of doing something heroic, being wounded and not pulling though. now its just degraded to me thinking about being shot in the back of the head for no reason better than the drama of it all. i think personally its because i crave attention deep down. i guess we all want attention and respect and people to smother us in emotion. thats not to say that i don't get it, but i want to be seen in a different light. who knows.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 7113

ugh suicide

terrible thing.

great minds go to waste.

thoughts that are never thought.

things that could have happened.

the death of potential.

suicide is a coward's way out. thats all it is really. its a quick easy and if you know what to do, painless fix.

fix from what?
life i guess.

is it a stupid idea? very. the worst thing you can do is cause death.
it just comes easier to yourself.

fun little fact. 90% of people who tried to commit suicide and failed due to one thing or another regretted it.

the other 10% were cowards. dead. not in the land of the living anymore.

basicly things can ALWAYS get worse.

basicly. there is of course *ONE* exception.

being dead. nothing worse than that.
unless maybe...

nope. nothing worse. crack whore 23 nyc----
you are glad youre not dead.

a friend of mine was a coward.
rip.

he didnt just hurt himself.
he killed people around him.
his mother followed him. his father followed his mother.
his brothers and sisters no longer have parents
i havnt seen them in 2 months.

go figure. cowards.

beaten by uncle.
fight back.
exiled from family.

suicide or no?

did he kill himself?

no. caffeine is still with us.

what got me through the rough spots? friends.
drugs.
money.
friends.

for stress i have a necklace

------------------------
Will accept plush toys as bribes.

[This message has been edited by Caffeine (edited 02-04-2001).]

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Wetaskiwin AB, Canada
Posts: 1438

Outta my thread, jackass.

As per request.

------------------------
Become ASYLUMATED

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 7113

thank you!

now we must have a mix off, or a dance off, instead of a street fight.

*walks over with a boooom box on his shoulder*

quote:

---

Originally posted by -Anth3m-:
Outta my thread, jackass.

As per request.

---

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Wetaskiwin AB, Canada
Posts: 1438

I'll bring the cardboard. You bring the gold teef.

------------------------
Become ASYLUMATED

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged